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Showing content with the highest reputation since 11/03/2020 in all areas

  1. 18 points
    I have nothing against tourists, used to be one 16 years ago, and I'd rather see people gainfully employed than standing in food lines. All I can do is add some domestic tourism to the mix, and there are some great travel deals at present. I would have made this trip regardless, maybe paid the same to stay at less upmarket accommodations. I thought about making all my arrangements on the fly, but can usually get better rates booking ahead, so that's what I did. My original itinerary included Ko Ngai, a tiny island only two km long and one km wide, with no roads (only footpaths), where locals get around by long tail boats. Unfortunately, three of my five speedboat tickets were cancelled due to the virus so I scrambled to substitute Ao Nang. In retrospect, I wish I'd opted for Ko Tarutua instead, an island I was considering anyway. Swampy was a breeze, arriving Phuket around 7 PM, had a taxi booked and waiting to take me to Patong. I purchased a deluxe ticket on Vietjet Air, so I could check some baggage, and they put me in a business class seat with plenty of legroom. PHUKET I stayed at Kudo Resort, right on the beach and a two minute walk from Soi Bangla. The room had two large screen TVs, mini-kitchen with microwave and coffee maker (4 cartridges included per day), and a free minibar that was restocked every day, including two cans of Singha Beer. https://www.kudophuket.com/ Mainly a place for the younger crowd, DJs played music at the pool until 11 PM and anyone could come use it for the price of a drink. Of course, there weren't many people around. The balcony featured a huge Jacuzzi, where I could dim the lights and bathe with my girl du jour (too shy for photos). There was no joiner fee. Some scenes from Patong Beach in the morning. I went out for breakfast but everything was closed. Ended up having the fixed set breakfast at the resort, for 500 baht, while I watched the World Series on my phone. This is too much food for me. I don't have a stomach, only intestines, and didn't eat anything the rest of the day. Savoey Seafood was open and across the street for the rest of my meals. They even offered a 10% covid discount despite not having competition. One kg for steamed crab was 800. Shrimp and asparagus with a Mai Tai Soi Bangla was empty with 90% of the bars closed, even a higher percentage of restaurants were closed. Crotch massage Over at Bangla Walking Street, nearly everything was closed except Suzy Wongs Gogo, which was pretty good, so I hung out there. There were about a dozen customers Saturday night hogging the best girls so I came back Sunday and there were only two other customers with the same 20 or so dancers, including four that danced nude. Mojitos were only 99 baht but lady drinks were 220. I bought one of the nude dancers, a wild blonde, a few lady drinks. She was wearing knickers off-stage, but quickly dropped them for the second drink and I sucked her titties and fingered her pussy while she grinded in my lap. I was worth the price of two lady drinks. My departure taxi didn't show but the lady at the front desk was very helpful in calling the company and eventually they sent one. I told the driver Chean Wanich Pier but he took me to Rassada Pier anyway. Fortunately, I arrived about ten minutes before my boat departed for Ko Phi Phi. There were 7 or 8 other passengers, all young Thais. NEXT: KO PHI PHI
  2. 17 points
    EPILOGUE It was an uneventful 2 hour ride back to Pac Bara Pier, no stops along the way. I booked a minibus to Hat Yai International Airport but no one was waiting with my name card when I exited the port. Went to the speedboat office and they directed me to a travel agency where I boarded the bus and arrived at the airport in plenty of time for my 7 PM departure to Bangkok. After a 70 minute flight, was back at Rembrandt Suites for a quick shower and back again an hour later with a friend. Feeling relaxed and horny, hadn't had any since Phuket, we snuggled up for the evening and she wore me out. It was a happy ending to a wonderful 17 days. EXPENSE REPORT Accommodation: 17 nights, including book ends in Bangkok Rembrandt Suites, Bangkok (2 nights) 2,200 Kudo Resort, Patong Phuket (3 nights) 6,300 Harbour View Hotel, Ko Phi Phi (3 nights) 5,250 Pimalai Resort and Spa, Ko Lanta (3 nights) 10,700 Princeville Resort, Ao Nang (3 nights) 6,000 Akira Resort, Ko Lipe (3 nights: Pool Access Room) 14,600 Food and Beverage 17,000 Transportation: flights, taxis and minibuses, speedboats and ferries 13,500 Entertainment: Soi Nana, Soi Cowboy, Soi Bangla, two bar fines 13,000 Miscellaneous 1,000 It was a good time for three thousand bucks. Would have flown from California for this, fortunately didn't have to. Perhaps I'll visit Koh Phangan next, include Ko Samui. Haven't been to Samui since 2004, never been to Phangan. Now would be a good time to go, I'm too old for the full moon party.
  3. 16 points
    KO LIPE I didn't realize this island was so tiny. Shaped like a boomerang, only about 3 km long and 2 km wide. You can get anywhere by walking, which is good because there aren't many vehicles except motorbikes (half seem to have sidecars). Ko Lipe is home to about 800 permanent residents, including 500 Sea Gypsies (Chao Ley), who originally settled the island. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moken Reggae music is very popular and you see guys in dreadlocks. There are three main beaches: Sunrise Beach on the east coast, Sunset Beach on the northwest, Pattaya Beach on the south. Naturally, I stayed at Pattaya Beach, 😊 at the Akira Resort. https://www.akiralipe.com/index.php The resort featured three huge pools, the main pool had a swim-up bar I booked a superior Pool Access room and they put me in the back of the resort, furthest from the sea. Booking a Pool Access is risky because you could have a family with screaming kids in the next room. Have nothing against kids, just don't want them screaming next to me. But I had the entire section of 32 units all to myself, including the 60 meter pool. I picked up this bottle of Bordeaux in Phuket. I set up my own swim-up bar The room was nice, not to the standard of the Pimalai, but still very good Despite a limited number of guests, they had a buffet breakfast. I had my breakfast at the beach. I traversed Pattaya Beach over to Walking Street which dissects the island. Where is Pin-Up? Where is Palace? Baccara? No hab! But, unlike my other destinations, most places were open. There weren't any customers, but at least they were open. You can see my hat in this pic if you look into the reflections. OK, the All-U-Can-Eat seafood place was closed, along with a few bars, but most places were open. I had a hunger for some beef, so went to the Steakhouse for Aussie tenderloin, and it was 2-for-1 happy hour. One nice thing about Ko Lipe was there wasn't the mandatory 10% service charge and 7% government tax, anywhere. Even the room service and minibar prices at my resort were very reasonable, but with many restaurants close by, I just went out and everyone seemed to have 2-for-1 happy hour. I was also the only customer at the King Crab Restaurant. There were a few others at Papaya Mom's. One kilo of crab on the barbie, 700 baht. In the early evening, I walked over to Sunset Beach, a much smaller beach, only about 200 meters long. Here are some scenes from Pattaya Beach, I didn't make it over to Sunrise Beach. I awoke early on my departure day but it was overcast and looked like rain after breakfast, so I only saw it from the boat upon departure. At night they had fire shows Unfortunately, it's time to return to Pac Berra. I'd like to come back to Ko Lipe, I thought it was pretty cool. 😎
  4. 14 points
    This time I booked Majestic Suites on Sukhumvit near Soi Nana, for nostalgia. This and Nana Hotel were the monger's choice because of the location and guest friendliness. They were always booked, you needed reservations a few weeks in advance. I booked with agoda for 950 without breakfast. It used to be 1200 including breakfast, as I recall, when I stayed here frequently 15-18 years ago. Now they're taking walk-ins for 750, I'll remember that for next time. I was assigned room 203, second floor facing Sukhumvit. Glass is thick enough so there's little street noise. I've had some great times in this room and it's just as I remember, they still haven't fixed the TV. But they've replaced the window panels, used to be a lighter brown. For example, here's Fon from Rainbow 1 in 2007. I knew I'd be getting some hot sex here, the room has synergy. I was thinking of a T-Bone at El Gaucho Argentinian Steakhouse all the way in on the bus. Had to get there before 5 PM for the 600 baht discount. Christmas tree is already up at Terminal 21 next door. Art Box is cleared from Chuvit Park and another mall will eventually be occupying that space, adjacent Soi 10. An office building is being constructed on Soi 6, across from Q House. This lot had been empty for years. Lots of traffic during rush hour Lively at Nana Plaza, it's Friday night. Found my short time du jour She left her watch in the bathroom, so I went back to her bar and dropped it off to the mamasan, then headed over to Soi 11 for some live music. There was some across from Taco Bell, but not what I wanted to hear. Stopped at Daniel Thaiger for a beef burger and bottle of 10% Trappist ale. Things were getting started at Insanity Disco. I went to Apoteka. The entertainer was quite good, doing some old classics like (Sitting on) The Dock of the Bay, Ain't No Sunshine, Take it to the Limit, etc, while picking his guitar 🎸 Good stuff. For breakfast, I went over to Fitzgeralds. It was a very quiet Saturday morning on Soi Nana. I had lunch at a place I'd not seen before, the 8855 Cafe and restaurant. Shrimp Pad Thai, only 80 baht, San Miguel draft for 99. It's on the second Soi 8 subsoi, across the street from Lolitas. If you don't see anything there that strikes your fancy, you can that the Soi 6 passage at the end of the Soi and have your knob polished at Kassalong. That's two BJ bars 30-40 meters apart. I made the trip for a photo shoot with Blue. Thought I was in for a treat with a brand new bus home, but it broke down even before getting out of town. This is the third time this has happened to me in the last year. This time, the delay was only 30 minutes, other times an hour.
  5. 14 points
    KO PHI PHI A 45 minute speedboat ride from Phuket. Known as a party island for backpackers. I never had the desire to visit, not that I see anything wrong with young people having some fun. I just thought it would be too touristy, so now is the time to go! Booked the Harbour View Hotel, just 5 minutes from the pier, on the isthmus with the harbour in front and the beach in back. The best of both worlds. https://www.phiphi-harbourview.com/ Room was OK, nothing fancy. Beach in the rear was picturesque. They normally had a breakfast buffet, but only one other room was occupied when I checked in, so they served a set breakfast. They said I could have as many plates as I wanted but I only needed one. Best thing I liked about the hotel, other than the location, were the large pools. One was between the two buildings, with a wider, deeper one towards the beach. I enjoyed the deeper pool, 1.7 meters. The only bar open was the Beach Bar, fortunately in front of my hotel. I spent a lot of time watching the ships come in while sipping mango margaritas. You could put your feet in the water and get a free fish massage. Behind the pier was a maze of small streets with shops, almost everything was closed. ...except the starving artist There were two seafood restaurants on either side of the pier that seemed to be doing decent business, but they received the worst online reviews so I avoided them. Poor restaurants in good locations can survive if the don't rely on repeat business. Instead, I found a family-run Turkish restaurant, Efe Mediterranean, which offered a 20% covid discount, tasty lamb skewers were only 280 baht, served on a sizzling platter. The next day I went back for the mushroom pizza, only 200 baht. For seafood, I went to a whole-in-the-wall places called Ae's Fish BBQ and had a fried red snapper for 250 baht. I wanted to visit the Viewpoint for some pictures, so I found these stairs up the mountain and thought this was the way. There were some interesting bars back there but they were all closed. Turns out the stairs only led to some backpacker guest houses which were closed. Here you could get a dorm room for 200. ...with a shared bathroom. May as well just hang it over the side, guess the seats are for the ladies. Some decent views up there though. Eventually, I found the correct stairs to the Viewpoint. There was a guesthouse closed, but with employees there cleaning, and they sold me a bottle of water. I needed to rest and they had a nice view. ...then many more stairs to climb. Finally reached Viewpoint #1. There was a 30 baht entrance fee. There was a small park up there. Viewpoint #2 was another 500 meters up an incline. I'm disappointed the Google Fitness app didn't give me more heart points because I certainly exerted myself, I think there's a need for 3-dimentional GPS. Great view from up there. You can see my hotel in the middle of this picture Getting back was much easier. The next day was my two hour ferry ride to Klong Jilad Pier in Krabi for my pick-up to Pimalai Resort on Ko Lanta. NEXT: KO LANTA
  6. 12 points
    AO NANG I originally had Ko Ngai in this slot but my speedboat tickets were cancelled, so I substituted Ao Nang beach in Krabi province. I'd been here before 10-12 years ago. At first, I booked 3 nights at the Centara Grand Beach Resort for 10,000 but after I found out it was only accessible by boat I cancelled the booking and changed to the Ao Nang Princeville Resort, about half the price and right across the street from the beach. My concern was that I may be temporarily stranded due to inclement weather and miss my first night on Ko Lipe, which was the most expensive resort I booked due to the pool access room. I still needed to arrange transportation to Pacbara Pier near Satun, a 4 hour journey, and the last boat to Ko Lipe was at 3:30 PM. The room at the Princeville was spacious and had a nice balcony and a huge TV for watching football. My whisky bottle is like an hour glass showing how much time I have left of this vacation. After showering, there was a knock at the door and I scrambled to put on a bath robe. The staff were at my door singing "Happy Birthday" with a decadent piece of chocolate cake. LOL. I had to lay down for a couple hours and couldn't eat for the rest of the day as I have difficulty digesting that much sugar. Fortunately, birthdays are only once a year. The town was empty. No chance of getting some Tex-Mex I felt so sorry for the few shopkeepers that were working, they were so happy to see me. I felt obligated to buy something so I bought a personalized passport holder for 100 baht. The beach was empty. The bars were closed I spent one day talking with travel agents to arrange my transportation to Satun, then went over to the Centera Grand Beach Resort, just to see what I was missing. The resort is only accessible by sea if you have luggage, but there's a path around the mountain and through the jungle called "The Monkey Trail" I wouldn't want to drag my luggage through this passageway. Finally, arrived at Phra Nang Beach in front of the Centara resort. The resort looked pretty nice It looked very good for kayaking if that's your thing. Next morning, my taxi arrived promptly at 7 AM. The Princeville Resort had prepared a box breakfast for me, two bananas, an orange, a croissant, a sandwich, orange juice, and water, and I arrived at Pacberra pier at 11 AM. There was an admission of 20 baht to the port and 200 baht for an entry ticket to Tarutao National Marine Park, good for five days. The boat was mostly full and after 30 minutes we stopped at Ko Karutao, an undeveloped island about 26 km long and 11 km wide. I wish I'd skipped Ao Nang and come here instead, taking minibus from Krabi airport and spending the night at Pacberra. There are very limited facilities on the island, all accommodations and restaurants are maintained by the park service. You can rent a tent for 150 baht. The 5th season of the television series Survivor was filmed here. Another hour and pull up the engines for another stop, this time Koh Khai, a small uninhibited island, for more photo opportunities. I just stayed on the boat. The Princeville was nice but I though Ao Nang was a waste of three days. NEXT: KO LIPE
  7. 12 points
    KO LANTA I originally booked a speedboat from Ko Phi Phi to Ko Lanta but this was cancelled due to the pandemic, so I changed my ticket to Klong Jilad Pier in Krabi. My Ko Lanta resort offered free transfer service from/to Krabi airport, quite impressive considering it's two hours. I contacted the resort and asked if they could pick me up at the pier instead and was informed this was possible for a fee of 650 baht. Since the airport was 30 minutes away by taxi, I would only save a few hundred and I was anxious to see this resort, which had received the most stellar online reviews I've ever read. My driver was waiting with a minibus when my ferry arrived at the pier about 11 AM for the two hour trip to Pimalai Resort and Spa. Ko Lanta consists of several islands, the largest being Ko Lanta Noi and Ko Lanta Yai, where all the tourist activity is. When people refer to "Ko Lanta", they usually mean Ko Lanta Yai, an island about 30 km long and 6 km wide. There's no bridge connecting the islands, so you have to queue up at the car ferry to cross the channel. ...UNLESS you're a guest at the Pimalai Resort and Spa, which operates a high-speed jetty. The boatman was prepared for my arrival and I was the only passenger. It took 5 minutes to cross the channel, should have brought my water skis. Another driver in a minivan was waiting on the other side for the final half-hour ride to the resort. I arrived just after 1 PM for an early check-in. Pimalai is a very popular resort for their sea view villas nestled in the mountainside with private pools, 120 square meters for a one-bedroom, starting around 10,000/night, or 20,000 for a 3-bedroom. I booked one of the cheap rooms. My room didn't even have a sea view, unless you looked through the trees. I lived in View Talay 6 for two years and refuse to pay extra for a sea view, it just isn't worth it to me. I walked to the private beach and enjoyed the sea view from there. I was the only person using the beach, except for the guy handing out towels, who brought me a glass of ice water every 20 minutes. That's the level of service you receive at this resort. Beach was clean but the sea was rough at first and I took a pounding, but 80 meters out was over my head and no more whitewater. There were two happy hours, drinks were 320++ or about 185 baht each during happy hours, the only time I drank. I can down a lot of mango daiquiris in two hours. Food was good but expensive. Ink jet pasta with clams, grated cheese on the side, 415++ Lamb kebabs, 495++ Breakfast was included with the room, and served up the mountain in the Seven Seas Restaurant. You were driven up in a golf cart from the lobby and had a choice of eggs Benedict. I opted for smoked salmon, and loaded up on the cheddar cheese. There were stunning views of Kantiang Bay from the restaurant. They served dinner but with a dress code and I didn't bring anything appropriate to wear, so I dined at the Rak Talay Beach restaurant. The hillside estate also featured the Infinity Pool. The beach side estate also had a pool but I swam in the sea. The resort has 121 units spread across 100 acres. The Spa had a 999 baht special, normally 2500. I thought about it but didn't pull the trigger. I left the property only once, because who can afford to eat at the Pimalai every day? I walked down the road for about 20 minutes until I found something open. It was the Drunken Sailors Coffeehouse I had the Calamari burger with fries for 190 baht Next morning a few hours before check-out, I was enjoying the great view at breakfast, thinking the three days couldn't have been any better, when the staff came over with a piece of cake and started singing "Happy Birthday". They must have noticed from my passport when I checked-in. It's these little things that make all the difference and how they treat you like you're special. I took their free transfer to Krabi airport and caught a 150 baht shuttle bus to Ao Nang. If you're looking for the perfect getaway, I strongly recommend the Pimalai Resort and Spa, but bring your wallet. They raised the rates for high season the day I checked out. Here are the current packages, only for Thai Residents. NEXT: AO NANG
  8. 8 points
    Today I am celebrating four years of owning Le Pub. I have put together this video about how i ended up owing a bar in Pattaya. I hope you enjoy it.
  9. 6 points
    Saturday crew. Please pop in and support the bar.
  10. 6 points
    SENIOR SEX The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it well." OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
  11. 6 points
    Few photos from Halloween. all girls here tonight. hooebi can welcome all Pattaya Talk fans as well.
  12. 5 points
    A young sprog is at home when his Dad calls. ... so he picks up. "Hello?" "Hi son. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" "No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Joe." A brief pause. "But son, you haven't got an Uncle Joe." "Mommy says I do! He's with Mommy in the room, right now." Another brief pause. "Uh, alright, here's what Daddy wants you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway." "Okay Daddy, just a minute." A few minutes later, the sprog comes back to the phone. "Okay, I've done it, Daddy." "And what happened, son?" "Mommy got all scared and jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she's not moving at all!" "Oh my god!!! What about the Uncle Joe?!" "Uncle Joe jumped out of bed with no clothes on too! He got all scared and jumped out the window into the swimming pool. But I think he doesn't know you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and now he isn't moving too!" A long pause this time. "Swimming pool...? Is this 324-5921?"
  13. 5 points
    Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to you all, and welcome to more tales from the mythical place that was once known as Fun City. Ho hum. Well, with the first foreign tourists finally being allowed out of quarantine, the Thai government have introduced yet another cracking idea to woo back the tourists - electronic tags. These measure body temperature, blood pressure and heart rate, and send an alert to the authorities if the readings rise excessively. Reckon there’s going to be a whole lot of hotel room doors being smashed down by the boys in brown before too long. And if that wasn’t enough, it was decided that anyone applying for a tourist visa would have to provide six consecutive months’ bank statements showing a balance of at least half a million baht. It was speculated that this may act as something of a deterrent for the average backpacker, which leaves us mystified as to why the idea was subsequently withdrawn. It seems there are a growing number of investors showing interest in buying up hotels in Pattaya when things start to return to something approaching normal. The identities of these investors are currently a mystery though one suspects they may be smallish and yellowish. They might do better warning people about the over ground ones… A fire in a local clothing factory has caused extensive damage to the premises as well as incinerating a quantity of cats found to be living in the building. The owner remarked “Shame about the cats. If we’d had time to make them into fur coats we could’ve claimed more off the insurance.” Speaking of fur coats, it looks like the girls will be rather less keen on asking their more generous sponsors for mink coats now it’s been established that the furry little buggers are riddled with coronavirus. Reminds us of a lady resplendent in such a garment who was once asked “How do girls get minks?” to which she replied “The same way minks get minks.” Pattaya now has an exciting new attraction for those looking for something other than clubs, bars, booze and girls – squid fishing. Yes, for a mere 400 baht you can experience the delights of catching something even more boring than a starfish, albeit much more cheaply than a starfish caught in a bar. Mind you, catching coronavirus is cheaper still and probably about as much fun. Pattaya has come up with yet another cracking new entertainment idea – flea football… As is now the norm, very little in the way of bar news to report this month. There’s a bit of activity on LK Metro with the anticipated opening of a new place call Exotic LK and the reopening of Dolls LK, which opens alternately with Dolls on Walking Street (may have something to do with them sharing the same staff.) Alcohol has been banned at a local beach after residents complained that domestic tourists had turned the place into a rubbish tip. “Bloody stinking pigs”, remarked one local. “Why can’t they piss off back to their own country?” He later apologised, saying that he hadn’t got used to the idea of not having any foreign tourists. Back to the way things used to be now, with a squint at a couple of happenings from Monkeywatch in November 2010… “In the recent police mini-crackdown on Beach Road freelancers, it was suggested that targeting the customers was the way to solve the problem. Well, here’s a better idea. Do more to encourage the customers, because when every freelancer on Beach Road has a customer, then there aren’t any girls on Beach Road. Problem solved, everybody happy, job done. Eleven people were hurt at the Sunbeam Hotel in Central Pattaya last week when their lift threw a wobbler and plummeted down six floors. A spokesman said the incident was regrettable, while pointing out that it was very rare for anyone in Pattaya to plummet down the inside of a hotel as they normally tend to favour the outside.” Perhaps someone should tell them they work better the other way up… The Thai government has officially stated that “all laws” will be used against anti- government protestors who gather without permission. We suspect that the Pattaya police may not have completely understood this directive, as the first protester to be arrested in the city was charged with blasphemy, stealing a bicycle and chicken molesting. Several pigs were injured last week after a lorry overturned while transporting them to Sattahip. Rescue workers gave medical help to the injured animals, who probably thought their day couldn’t get worse, until another lorry turned up and whisked them off to the slaughterhouse. And you thought you were having a pig of a day? All you have to worry about is finding a slicking plaster in your bacon. So now we all wait to see if a little prick in the arm can deliver us from evil. Of course, it wouldn’t be the first time that a little prick was responsible for the fate of Pattaya. Anyone remember Purachai? be seeing you monkeyman
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    The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: 'What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?' Jessica responds: 'That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!' So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: 'That's easy...the pupil of the eye.' 'That's correct, Johnny. Very good!' And turning to Jessica, she says: 'I've three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!'
  20. 4 points
  21. 4 points
    I reckon both Soi7 and Eggman are standup guys ... both know so much about what so many have done and neither spills the beans. But I'd contribute cash for a 3-way interview of Egg, Soi7, ... and Carlsberg.
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    Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"
  27. 4 points
    Did anyone see Bunny Kanan (far right) at the recent Pattaya Bikini run? Photo courtesy Pattaya Mail. More of her on page 2.
  28. 3 points
    Fake 1,000 baht notes circulating. Top is real Bottom is fake
  29. 3 points
    Soi Pothole update. Repairs in the middle section. But the lower end still looking ruff. Across from T21 weeds have replaced customers. And on Beach Rd, a mobile 4G mind control device.
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    Nirun Market retractable roof in the close position today. What was J Club is about set to reopen as Amsterdam Lounge. Soi Xzyte market They're now working on rewiring the other side of New Plaza. Wiring completed on the other side, with new lighting for the soi. Wonder if the light poles will hold up to drunks stumbling into them. Also, looks like Pussy Bar succumbed to the virus. Fireworks barge is locked and loaded for tomorrow and Saturday's firework show. New building on 3rd Rd near Klang is getting a bit of green.
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  36. 3 points
    Really fancied this coffee. We only use Lavazza coffee beans, Ital'ys number 1 coffee. Fresh from bean to cup. We also serve Americano, Irish Coffee (illustrated) and Expresso.
  37. 3 points
    A young couple is out golfing together on a weekday morning. The course is pretty empty as it's a weekday, so they are moving along pretty quickly. On the 5th hole they catch up to an older gentleman at the Tee box. Rather than just play through, the couple decide to join the man for a hole or two. After they tee off, with the older gentleman's tee shot out distancing the younger man's, the woman starts up a conversation as they walk down the fairway. "Do you always play alone?" "Oh no my dear, for thirty years, my wife and I played this course together almost every day." The young woman is touched, but also a bit curious. "Your wife doesn't play with you anymore?" ... she asked a bit tentatively, knowing there could be quite a few different explanations. "Not since she passed away." the old man said with a bit of a pause in his reply. The young man looks at his wife pleading with his eyes for her not to keep pressing this line of questions. But of course she ignores him and carries on. "Don't you have some other friends that you can golf with?" The old man quickly answers. "Oh sure, but they're all at the funeral."
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  39. 3 points
  40. 3 points
    A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while 'the lights would turn off.' Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?’ The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.' 'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?' 'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would you like a drink?' 'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun. 'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?
  41. 3 points
  42. 3 points
    Update of the water level at Huai Chak Nok Reservoir Since there's no water on this end of the reservoir to float Krathongs, they made a pond.
  43. 3 points
    Now that rainy season is all but over, thought it would be interesting to compare the water level in Mabprachan Reservoir to what it was on this day one year ago. The photo update below has photos taken this morning followed by the photo from last year taken from the same point. While the water level at the overflow outlet is only slightly lower than last year, you'll see in the other photos just how much lower the water level is across the reservoir compared to last year.
  44. 3 points
  45. 3 points
  46. 3 points
    Golf: A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude! Priest: Hey, here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him. Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they? George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge! (silence) Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them. Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?
  47. 3 points
  48. 3 points
  49. 3 points
    Couple of photos to keep you going.
  50. 3 points
    Heaven or Hell? While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator (that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the Senator. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really? I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven... So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity." The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell... Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders. "I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?" The devil smiles at him and says, "Yesterday, we were campaigning. Today, you voted."
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