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  1. 17 points
    With bars reopening, I made the trip to check out the scene. Once again, stayed at the Rembrandt Suites Hotel, great value at 1050 per night for a 4-star hotel. Asked for a higher floor this time. Over to the basement at Robinson's for a bite of oyster omelette, 60 baht. Dessert upstairs at McDonalds, never saw the place so empty at 6 PM A brief stop at Terminal 21 The Asoke Intersection at 7 PM Needed to freshen up after the bus ride. Could have showered at the hotel, but I don't come to town just to bathe myself, so I hopped the MRT over to Ratchadaphisek Road. Back to Sukhumvit, and Soi Cowboy was nearly empty. Baccara had 80 girls with 8 customers, can't see how they can sustain it for long. I stayed 2 hours and seven Hoegaardens but I expect they'll be shutting down the upstairs soon. After Baccara I went next door to Sharks. Really like the unisex restrooms, usually some girls doing their hair you can talk to while taking a whizz. Finished the evening at Crazy House. Breakfast at Chu's, the berry pancakes were a major disappointment. The 'maple' syrup was awful, should call it sugar syrup with barely a hint of maple. When I was a kid my grandpa would visit from Ste. Sault Marie, Michigan and bring a gallon of pure maple syrup. An Imperial gallon no less, so we got an extra quart! That was awesome. Next day I went back to the smoked salmon eggs benedict, served over buttermilk biscuits, better way to start the day. Headed over to the clinic for my monthly Vitamin B-12 injection. Asked if they could mix in some Lysol to fight the covid, as suggested by President Trump, but they won't poison customers. Benchasiri Park A brief break at Em Quarter Next was my Photoshoot with a Thai Playboy Bunny I had a craving for a burger before going home, so I headed over to my old stomping grounds, Soi 11, which was empty. Supposedly, the best burger in town is at El Gaucho Argentinian Steakhouse, but I can't justify spending 750 baht for a burger. A little further up, at 'the T', Dainiel Taiger has the best affordable burger in town. There's no blue cheese on this burger, only cheddar, so I ordered a Rochefort ten percenter as an accompaniment. Those Trappist Monks know how to whip up a powerful elixir. 646 baht for the pair, and it was a mighty tasty burger!
  2. 17 points
    We will be open again from 10 am to 12 midnight from Wednesday 1 July. The staff have been busy these last few days getting everything clean and ready to go. It is amazing how many things deteriorated or just broke over the three months we were closed. However everything appears good now and we are keen to get back into it. I have no idea if we can survive and I'm expecting a hard time to even break even with no tourists in town and Cov19 fears still very much on everyone's mind. We are going to give it our best shot though. I do believe the Beer Garden will be a safe venue with ocean on three sides and a nice sea breeze to blow that nasty virus away. Amazingly our liquor supplier agreed to take back old stock beer and replace it with new stock. Still can't quite believe that happened. So break out from that lock-down and come and enjoy yourself at the Pattaya Beer Garden. Feel free to pass on the invite to others on different websites or Facebook. I know there was some speculation here and elsewhere that we would never re-open. It was all fake news 🙂 555 .
  3. 16 points
    Greetings Monkeywatchers, and core coon crap for joining us in the arduous task of trying to find something to talk about when there’s bugger all going on. Roll on July 1 so we can start moaning again. Holidaymakers are respectfully reminded that even though coronavirus restrictions are being eased, social distancing measures must still be strictly followed. In order to ensure compliance, patrons of bars should be aware that they will only be allowed to take girls back to their rooms if they are accompanied by a police officer. To help facilitate this, larger beds are being installed in all hotel rooms to enable a police officer in full protective gear to situate himself between the customer and his barfine to ensure that social distancing is observed at all times. Customers will of course be expected to pay the hotel a joiner fee for the officer as well as his wages for the duration of the encounter. Other than this, everything will be as normal. Enjoy your holiday. A fire broke out at the entrance to Walking Street recently after a truck driver who’d forgotten to lower his onboard crane hit the overhead power cables. Several business premises were damaged and traffic was disrupted while the fire was brought under control. The truck driver claimed he wasn’t aware of the cables as he thought they were all buried underground, a fate he may well be sharing with them if the aggrieved business owners get their hands on him. In an unrelated incident, a Thai chappie was blown to buggery when a transformer exploded on Walking Street as he was passing by. Let’s face it, if a chart was compiled of the most likely ways to die in Pattaya, coronavirus probably wouldn’t make the top 100. If you take a girl from Beach Road, beware. You might end up with a starfish… Following last month’s stories about mask wearing rules in Pattaya, another news item came to light about a man who attempted to rob a gold shop but the saleswoman wouldn’t let him in because he wasn’t wearing a mask. So now shopkeepers wear masks but robbers don’t. The world’s gone stark raving mad. As part of the lockdown easement in Pattaya, the authorities are now considering allowing live music venues to reopen. When asked about social distancing, a spokesman said “No problem. We’re telling them they can only reopen if they promise not to let any customers in.” Local officials have been carrying out inspections after reports that, in order to reopen, some bars have been masquerading as restaurants, though they do acknowledge that Pattaya traditionally has a much bigger problem with restaurants masquerading as restaurants. The Thai armed forces are doing their bit for diversity by announcing a switch to LGBT mines… Very little bar news as one would expect, and none of it good. It looks like Happy won’t be reopening and Rich is up for sale. Sapphire A Go Go is amazingly 10 years old this month. No sign of a party though. Miserable bastards. Perhaps it’s also worth mentioning that the last of the 22 proposed new rules for reopening bars states “Do not allow service staff, hostesses or PR to drink with customers.” This basically means you can buy a girl a lady drink but she won’t sit with you, she’ll just gulp it down and piss off somewhere else. Not much retraining required there then. A sailor from Pattaya recently made a complaint to the police that someone had been using his photo on Facebook to con people out of money in exchange for fake merchandise. However, the police said they didn’t believe the photo was of him and threw him in the cells for impersonating a member of the armed forces and for wasting police time. When asked why they’d done this, they said “Well we’ve had a quiet week.” Time to reminisce about virus-free days now with a pair of ripping yarns from Monkeywatch in June 2010... “Pattaya’s most successful comedy act, the Child and Women Protection Unit, were at it again last Wednesday when they were involved in the arrest of a Thai bloke for possession of porno DVDs that were later found to feature only men. So no women or children then. Silly buggers. In the same vein, so to speak, the local Anti Human Trafficking division arrested two stallholders for selling pirated DVD copies of popular Western and Thai cinema movies. Perhaps someone needs to explain ‘human trafficking’ to them again.” For those of you unable to visit Pattaya due to the pandemic, here’s a recent photo of Walking Street at midnight… A chap was taken to Pattaya hospital the other day after he’d sustained several injuries in a fall and was unable to stand up. Typical pissed up farang you might think, but no, he was in fact a Thai bloke who’d fallen off his bicycle. A hospital spokesman said “We were all surprised when he arrived. We were expecting a pissed up farang.” Thai doctors have warned that people run the risk of serious infection or even death by following the trend of wearing “fashion braces.” Since the warning was announced, a number of Thai men have been observed walking around with their trousers round their ankles. Finally, lovers of haute cuisine will no doubt be pleased to hear that Kiss Food and Drink has reopened with an offer of chicken with chilli and basil, a fried egg, rice and a bottle of water, all for 29 baht. When asked for his opinion on the offer, a local expat said “I think we should boycott the place to discourage this kind of profiteering.” be seeing you monkeyman
  4. 15 points
    I had two photo shoots lined up for this visit. The Thais call them trips, so I had two trips this trip. Had the Reuben sandwich at Bourbon Street, after arrival at Ekkami. You see two, but I only ordered one. Definitely not local beef, tender not, but didn't particularly care for the sauerkraut. Of course, this place specializes in Cajun and Mexican, what do they know about sauerkraut? Didn't touch the fries and there was no room for dessert. With an Irish Coffee, about 560 baht. Assigned the 30th floor at the Rembrandt Suites this time, booked 3 nights for 3150 total, excluding breakfast. Anxious to head over to Soi Cowboy, stopped for a cappuccino at Artis on corner Soi 18. Soi Cowboy, again very few customers. The "Arab's" bars closed, as before, as were the ladyboy bars, but I don't visit those anyway. Dollhouse was also closed, however, and Tilac only open outside. In all, I visited Baccara, Crazy House, Crazy Corner, Sharks, Lighthouse, and Cowboy 2 (I think). Next day, lunch at Terminal 21 Fuji Walk down lower Sukhumvit, very peaceful. There were a few freelancers but not many. Soi 7 Soi 5 Soi Arab, i.e Soi 3/1 There's a new place on Soi 13 called the Red Lion, just opened this month. Does good business with expats because of the low prices. Time for my trip, not a Playboy model but busty Later, over to Patpong (didn't visit Nana Plaza this time). Hooters Silom has closed. Took a walk down Soi Thaiya (Little Tokyo), until someone told me "No Photo", even with my cell phone camera. Finally, over to Patpong I and Patpong II, King's Castle I and King's Castle II were having their re-openings. There's also a Kings Castle (without any roman numerals), used to be a ladyboy bar, don't know if it still is. There was no night market, first time I've seen it without one. I was the first customer at King's Castle I, at 7:20 PM. Counted 25 girls on the dance floor, others just arriving. A dozen girls next door at King's Castle II, and 5 customers, mostly farang, one kept tossing crumbled 20 baht notes onto the stage, which really livened things up. 5 or 6 at a time, did it 8 or 9 times. I was the first customer for both bars reopening. Le Bouchon still good for a fine meal, just a few doors from the Star of Light, world famous BJ bar. Mostly boy bars now between Le Bouchon and Pink Panther on the corner at Surawong. Pink Panther has been there for ages, I recall visiting on my first trip to Bangkok in 1992. They feature Thai boxing at 11 PM, I make sure I'm out before then because I'm only interested in the girls. The waitress knows that I always order Long Island Iced Tea and I never have to tell her my drink order. Towards the Silom end of Patpong 2, visited XXX Lounge, used to be a steakhouse and Club Electric Blue before that. More Fuji, salmon steak set with hot saki Playboy Bunny Kanan, as promised, she defines narak. In fact, she's even more cute than the Rhino Tusk! Before heading home, went over to Poseidon Entertainment Plaza, the world's greatest soapy massage parlor. Karaoke and first floor restaurant were closed. Fishbowl was on the second floor, as usual, and they moved the Model Lounge there as well. The Model Lounge used to be on the third floor with girls in evening gowns while the band played soft music. Floors 4 through 8 are suites, and some quite immaculate if you're willing to pay the extra cost. There was no band this evening, but the fishbowl had 15 girls and about 20 girls on The Couch in the Model Lounge, with prices ranging from 4500 to 7200, including the 1000 baht farang surcharge. The mamasan has been the same in the 12 years I've been going there, and she remembers me even though I haven't been there for 18 months, because they don't have a lot or farang customers. The girls are known for their service beyond fucking, but they're good at that too. I heard somewhere this pleasure palace was owned by the father of the Ministry of Commerce. What a country! Hard to say how much the pandemic has affected their business but it was Saturday night and I didn't see another customer. Usually groups of Japanese and Korean businessmen hanging out while the mamasan comes around to introduce some girls. I saw one girl from the fishbowl return to her seat, but maybe she was returning from the ladies room? I chose a girl recommended by the mamasan, not from the referral but because I thought she was the prettiest. She was 27, Bangkok born, and spoke excellent English. She said she'd been working at Poseidon for a year, I guessed she worked in customer service somewhere before. She said the mamasan had instructed her to give me the VIP service, whatever that is. I took some photos of her but she asked that I not post them on the internet. I was surprised she started with a BBBJ on the bed, I'd only had one once before at Poseidon, I expect covered BJ at an exclusive place like this. Reverse cowgirl and other positions, I was surprised to get sex before bathing but wasn't about to complain. She gave a body massage in the tub, her breasts weren't large but natural, just what I like. She kept playing with my dick and said she wanted to fuck some more. I've only had single shot sessions at Poseidon before and this wasn't what I expected. Regrettably, I had to decline her offer as I was exhausted from being on my feet all day and wasn't up for a second round, so she shampooed my hair and washed my face, then gave me a nice massage on the bed. Overall, it was as pleasant a 90 minutes I've had in Thailand, or anywhere else for that matter. She gave me her line and asked to keep in touch and come visit again next time in Bangkok. I'm now three months removed from surgery and thinking about hitting the exercise bike to build up my legs for the next visit. I had a very relaxing bus ride home after this wonderful experience. https://www.poseidon2000.com/index.asp
  5. 15 points
    Last week I came to town for the Auto Show, this week for a shoot with a Thai Playboy Bunny. Arrived Ekkami and over to Gateway Mall. Walked up Ekkami for lunch at Bourbon Street. Had Reuben Sandwich on my mind but knew I wouldn't have room for pecan pie so changed to a mushroom Swiss cheese burger. 1/3 pound patty of Australian Angus beef, with an Irish Coffee. Hardly touched the fries. They serve two variations of Pecan Pie, Maple and Georgia-style. Never tried the Georgia-style because I love maple syrup, and it still came with two scoops of peach ice cream. Total damage 948 baht for a burger, pecan pie, and two Irish Coffees. Stayed at the Rembrandt Suites hotel again, 1050 baht this time, same room as the other two times this month. Check in was a breeze because they had my passport info from last week and they even waived the deposit. "We know you", the front desk told me, and they're guest friendly. Registered 3 kg overweight on the in-room scale, need to lay off those burgers! Over to Soi Cowboy, quite a few changes from last week. Baccara has shut off the upstairs, for 45 minutes I was the only customer, but it was early. I usually drink Hoegaarden there, the name screams Baccara, but they were offering Heineken bottles for only 90 baht. In fact, all bars except Crazy House were offering 90 baht drinks all night (100 at Lighthouse). Suzy Wongs ran a special where you received a free drink for buying a lady drink, and they still only had 3 customers. Crazy House had 5 customers. The girls are hungry! Things were also quiet outside Thermae Coffeeshop. Stopped at Art Box, at least they had some music. Dead at Soi Nana, and very few freelancers hanging around. I visited Billboard, Butterflies, Rainbow 4 (formerly Rainbow 5), and Rainbow 5 (formerly Twisters). Everywhere I went, girls were all over me. End of the day I bar fined the hottest girl I could find, only a few thousand to choose from. Next day was my photoshoot with Donut, I don't think she eats many. Still had the Kamegra in my system so I had a boner all afternoon. Finally, stopped at the Thai Terrace at Terminal 21 for some Khao Soi before heading home. Had a great time but spent way too much, I need another stimulus check. I can't support the bar industry all myself but am willing to do my part. 😊 Cheers
  6. 14 points
    Greeting Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for dropping by, and welcome to this month’s dive into the crystal clear waters of Pattaya (more about that later.) Walking Street has been redubbed Driving Street following the introduction of a new temporary rule allowing vehicles to use it at all times. Anyone now caught walking there will be cautioned by police and if found to be drunk may face a walking ban of up to a year. Closing times look set to remain at midnight so bars will be forced to keep sending their customer(s) home early for the foreseeable future. FFS, the infection rate is zero – how low do they want it to get? A Thai snack vendor whose business folded during the lockdown is now making a living salvaging stuff from garbage bins – which he then sells back to snack vendors. If you visit Nong Nooch, be sure not to miss “The Testicles of Rama”, a revered Thai monument that legend says was on the shortlist for the Seven Wonders of the World but came ninth. The Thai government have yet again started wittering on about getting “high-end tourists” back into Thailand. One can therefore assume from this that they consider Thailand to be a high-end tourist destination. Perhaps they need someone to explain to them why it isn’t. Basically, high-end tourists tend to head for destinations where they won’t be bitten by stray dogs, have their pockets picked by poofs in dresses, risk falling into bottomless pits in the roads and walkways, find beaches covered in raw sewage and waste plastic, have to breathe air with more pollution than a septic tank, be bombarded with fake goods, have to bribe police to get off trumped-up charges, be accosted by women who turn out to be men, get served watered down drinks in bars, be told by the government that they don’t shower often enough, have the shit kicked out of them by doormen who’ve mistaken them for someone else, be vomited on by drunks, be sat on by elephantine women trying to get them to spend 200 baht on a thimbleful of coloured water, have the contents of their hotel safes pilfered and their credit cards cloned by the staff, and be ripped off by taxi drivers and jet ski owners. They also don’t want their top of the range smartphones smashed over their heads because they pointed them at a go go bar for more than half a second, beaches that wash away overnight, to be the targets of drive-by bag snatchers, poisoned by so-called restaurants serving food that’s worse than you’d get in the average prison, blown to buggery by exploding transformers or electrocuted by hanging cables, shot dead in the crossfire of warring gangs, mown down by drunk drivers or drowned on a sinking ferry boat overloaded with Chinese tourists, and end up going home with nothing but empty wallets and a cocktail of chlamydia, Covid-19 and clap. High-end tourists? Dream on. A couple of Soi dogs had to be rescued a couple of weeks ago after they somehow managed to fall into a sewer. Interred in turd, so to speak. One positive thing to come out of the pandemic is the quality of the water by Pattaya Beach, which is now so clean that you can clearly see all the garbage on the sea bed, not to mention all the fish swimming around rather than floating on the surface. Strange times indeed. Pattaya has always had its share of nice spots to visit… Bar news time, and there’s a few comings and goings to report. Paradise and Kink have reopened on LK Metro and Dolls has opened up on Walking Street. Bliss and Bachelor have also reopened on a part-time basis. Far East Rock closed down but then reappeared a few days later. Party Girlz put up adverts for their reopening – then took them down again. And Baby Boom has reportedly had a change of policy and is employing female girls again. A new go go called Moon Light has opened. If you want to check the place out, head for nowhere and you’ll find it right in the middle. A pissed-up Thai bloke crashed his motorbike the other weekend when he tried to pull over to take a leak. In a statement to police, the man said he crashed after being blinded by a shower of urine from his mate on the bike in front who’d elected to take a piss without stopping his bike first. A history lesson for the noobs now with a look back to a couple of snippets from Monkeywatch in August 2010… “The boys in brown carried out yet another raid on Sunee Plaza last weekend, the target this time being the “Nice Boys Go Go Bar”. Reports said that everyone in the bar was urine tested and 13 employees were found to be under the age of 18. It’s amazing what they can find out from urine tests, isn’t it? The Wednesday before last, Pattaya City Hall hosted a meeting for government employees who have volunteered to join a Public Health Ministry sponsored weight loss program. The scheme has officially been called “Bye-Bye Fatty” after employees were asked to choose what they thought to be the most appropriate name. This wasn’t actually the name that got the most votes, but officials felt that “Fuck Off Lard Ass” might potentially stigmatise the participants.” Pattaya continues to maintain its stock of luxury accommodation in anticipation of the return of its traditional quality tourists… A new cafe has opened near Pattaya where tourists can sit and drink coffee while looking at elephants. The manager explained that The Mong Chang Café was the ideal place to go and observe an endangered species at first hand, though some attendees seemed to be unsure as to whether he was referring to the elephants or the tourists. A bloke in East Pattaya has been arrested for rape following an incident late last week. The victim said she didn’t realised she’d been raped until she went shopping and discovered that the man had paid her with forged banknotes. Finally, it’s been announced that Pattaya is to spend 160 million baht on landscaping the beach to attract local tourists. Wow, a million baht per tourist? Now that’s serious money. be seeing you monkeyman
  7. 13 points
    Yes, The Pattaya Beer Garden will close again (temporarily), with Tuesday 29 September being the last day for the public. We gave it our best shot, after reopening following the initial Covid closure. We have tried now for 3 months but never looked even close to breaking even let alone making a profit. I have been subsidizing the losses to try and keep the jobs going but if I keep doing it I will soon be broke. Our lease came up for renewal during all this and we have signed up for a further 3 years. As soon as the business looks even remotely viable again we will reopen. We have an internet group subscribed by all staff so it is easy to keep in touch and simple to bring them all back again. Thanks to everyone who visited during these trying times. As soon as we decide to open again I will announce it here.
  8. 12 points
    I lived in lower Sukhumvit for seven years, until early this year. Hadn't been back for four months. It's a bit different, first things you notice now is the uncongestion and the clean air. There's social distancing everywhere, in the malls and restaurants. I always felt cramped living here because things were sized for Thais, but now I can enjoy my space. Even had a free seat next to me on the bus coming in and out of town and didn't have to pay for it. Gateway Mall I booked the Rembrandt Hotel on Soi 18 for half the regular price, there are some excellent domestic travel deals now, it's a 4-star hotel. They closed down the Rembrandt but put me in the Rembrandt Suites Hotel next door, facing Soi 20, it's newer and the price was less than the Nana Hotel. Hardly any guests were present. An exercise room but I had surgery last month and it's too soon to start working out, would be easy to rupture a tendon after all the antibiotics. Didn't stop me from taking a dip in the pool since they repaired my hernias. Perhapes I'll start weight lifting again in another 6 months or so, if I wish to turn my abdominal wall into swiss cheese again. The hotel had a breakfast buffet for 473 baht, but for the same price I walked over to Chu's at the Exchange Tower for a Norwegian Scramble with a cappuccino. The scramble featured smoked salmon on sourdough toast and the coffee included a small chocolate disk with Chu's stamped into it. I hadn't stayed on Soi 20 since 2003, then at the Windsor Suites, recently closed. At that time I would eat at the German restaurant Bei Otto, so I stopped there for breakfast, the farmers breakfast for 295. I had lunch at nearby Terminal 21, steamed crab in black pepper at the Thai Terrace restaurant I also had lunch in the food court, duck with sesame noodles for 40 baht. The biggest change I saw in the 'hood was the extension of the BTS sky walk at Asoke, now all the way to the Sofitel Hotel, with the Art Box on the south side. If they extend it another half-block, to the Hyatt Regency, you'll be able to take the sky walk between the Asoke and Nana BTS stations. Amazing how uncrowded Sukhumvit was in the mid afternoon on a weekday, here at the Asoke intersection. The first order of business was a haircut, it had been four months, so visited my regular barber on Soi 23. Crazy House was 'open', in a sense. Airing it out for an anticipated re-opening on Wednesday, I guess. Soi Cowboy had the usual food vendors in the afternoon. I visited my regular massage girl, she's talented and pretty but too shy for a photo, and headed over to the Art Box for dinner. Most places were closed and attendance was sparse, but I managed a small chicken burrito with a bottle of water at the Margarita Storm kiosk for 200, and Axe throwing was still in progress, but no bands were performing. Light traffic on Sukhumvit for an early evening Over on Soi 11 it was even more empty, quite a contrast to the days with the VW cocktail buses when every night was a block party. This was at 8:30 PM and nearly deserted. They've now opened a 24 hour Taco Bell to compete with Margarita Storm, just a block from where I used to live. I ordered Beef Taco Supremes for 208 baht, not cheap, and I had to pay 60 baht extra for the beef, with was runny. I should have stayed with the chicken, the best things were the sour cream and crunchy shells. If you consider Taco Bell as Mexican food, that's 9 Mexican restaurants within a kilometer, 10 if you include the Margarita Storm kiosk at the Art Box. The others: Mexicano at the Rembrandt, Soi 20 Margarita Storm, Soi 13 Slanted Taco, Soi 23 The Mexican, next to formerly Annies Massage on Soi 2 Tacos & Salsa, Soi 18 Sunrise Taco, Terminal 21 Cali-Mex Bar & Grill, Soi 11 La Monita Taqueria, Mahatun Plaza I lived in California long time, so enjoy Mexican. The Ambassador, looks like only three floors populated in the tower at right. The string of massage shops that used to be in the alley leading to Soi 13 have been replaced by restaurants. Ole German Beerhaus on Soi 13 but without many customers On the third and last day it was time for my photo shoot with Ammy Then, over to Soi 8 for dinner at Monsoon, this was as far west I went, never made it to Soi Nana, and Lolitas BJ off Soi 8 was closed. Had some Penne Seafood Pasta with a blueberry shake for 480. The Monsoon also serves Mexican, BTW, I've tried their taco salad. One of my favorite restaurants in lower Sukhumvit, good fusion food and not expensive. A very relaxing three days and two nights, and now it's time to head home. I'll be back next month when Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza re-open.
  9. 12 points
    Just a few pics from town today... Beach Rd end of Klang about midday. Showing how quiet it is, but far from the deserted images from the European major cities. Klang towards the beach. Beach Road looking South. The Beach looking South. The Beach looking North. The much changed exchange rates, Soi 7 Soi 8
  10. 12 points
    I concur with Jacko's depressing but realistic view of the future in Patts. I've long ceased to go to agogos except on crawls, there is an air of desperation rather than fun in many beer bars, and my beloved Soi 6 is a shadow of its former self for reasons already discussed on the board. I think there has been a concerted and planned project on the part of government to change the nature ("quality") of the tourists who visit Patts. It began to bite at around the time FLB started struggling, the Soi 9, Soi 2 and 3 bars were demolished, and Soi 8 was made unfriendly by knocking 10-15 bars down for one hotel. This project has accelerated under the military regime, and it's working very well for them if one takes this to mean discouraging the sex scene and thereby making Patts less attractive to Farang. Let's be fair, farang have made a major contribution to the wealth of Patts and the economic prospects of many, many Thai families in the boonies, and unless that income is replaced by visitors of a different nature and spending power, lots of small Thai businesses and jobs will inevitably disappear. The exchange rate problem has unfortunately worked in favour of this project. It's equally true that the attraction of Patts to the Chinese/Korean tour groups and Indians is precisely the seedy reputation it has, i.e. the flag-following tours of WS and Soi 6 for the thrill of open eroticism that is absolutely taboo back home. The sex scene at large earns nothing from the Chinese, very little from the Koreans and Japs, and only hard-haggled amounts from the Indians - all in all far, far less than was to be had from the Farang they have decided should be discouraged from coming here. So will the Asian influx take up the slack in terms of Thai incomes? Hardly. Despite a population exceeding 1 billion, word will eventually get around China that visiting Patts to be dragooned around shops selling Chinese-made goods, with precious few other attractions - least of all its beach - is not worth doing. I predict a sudden plunge in Chinese visitor numbers to Patts in around 5 years. The more spoiled and sophisticated Koreans (also usually couples) will smell that coffee even sooner, and only their mongers will come here soon. The Russians are negligible in the equation. And the Indians? Literally dozens of Indian restaurants have suddenly sprung up, perhaps for money-laundering or because the business-savvy Indians predict a large market for their own kind. They also employ almost only their own kind, not Thais, and, if they become too numerous and influential, will encounter resentment that Farang were never made to feel. Indians will not be a major source of employment for Thais in Patts, who risk being displaced with only the landlords welcoming the influx. The Arabs (to use the collective name)? Mongers who eat in their own restaurants and stay in their own areas, living four to a room in the back sois, refusing to bang anything weighing less than 15 stones. In short, in economic terms for the Thai bargirl, dancer, massage worker, shopkeeper, launderess, bus driver etc. etc. the demographic change encouraged by their government will spell hardship that has a knock-on effect back in the boonies, while the massive malls will wonder where serious, paying customers are to come from. This is a case of the rich and powerful investing in a major tourist infrastructure for their own interests, and hang the little people who are unfortunate enough not to have cooking or other, hotel-related skills. They may well regret that investment. Thai travel agencies, airport bus services, tour guides will suffer, as these consumer groups use their own. The list goes on and on. Patts will end up with a huge, self-sufficient Indian population that pushes Thais aside, very few diehard Farang here and there, and oodles of empty hotel rooms when other Asians realise that the town has bugger all for them to spend a holiday on. At least the bloody tourist buses will gradually disappear I suppose.
  11. 11 points
    Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for dropping in, and welcome to this month’s look at the shenanigans in Patts, where things are carrying on as normal. Okay, so there are no bars, no Go Go’s, no restaurants, no girls, no alcohol and no going outside your house most of the time, but apart from that it’s business as usual. Well, the Pattaya curfew is well and truly in place and the police have said that anybody breaking it will face a prison sentence, though given the extent of the current lockdown that’s not really much of a deterrent. In fact, the lockdown in Pattaya is now so extreme that prisoners are being threatened with release if they don’t behave. At least they get fed in prison. Probably. Thais who aren’t getting fed are being helped out by food charity events. However, the organisers have recently been told that they must tell the police in advance before any events can be staged. Coincidentally, all the latest events seem to have police officers at the front of the queue. As if things weren’t bad enough, the alcohol sales ban in Pattaya has now been in place for two weeks and has yet another week to go. Thais are starting to ask why they’re being punished for this fiasco and wouldn’t it be better if someone just nuked some common sense into the Chinese. Drinking outside is also banned, though we reckon the police took this a bit too far when they arrested a Thai bloke who got pissed and fell out of his window with a bottle of whisky in his hand. If you’re still thinking of trying to visit Pattaya by some means, be sure to pack a shovel as the only way you’ll get in is to dig a tunnel. If you’re in Pattaya already, a member of the escape committee has informed us that three secret tunnels are currently under construction - Tom, Dick and Harry. A Thai girl said she’d found Dick in her bar but it turned out that she was talking about something else altogether. The authorities seem to have caught on already and have started to put up signs to discourage tunnelling… Thais make all this bloody fuss about us farangs wearing face masks, but their own are usually so badly fitted they may as well be wearing them on their arses. Come to think of it, they’d probably do more good if they did. Pattaya’s Grand Bella Hotel has volunteered to become a field hospital to help in the battle against the nasty bug. Very commendable of course, but one suspects they won’t be inundated with bookings when things return to normal – whatever that is. There’s even been some wild stories of people with the virus coming back from the dead as zombies, though it seems that they were actually Chinese tourists who hadn’t caught it at all. Looking at this, one wishes we could go back to how things were only last year. Oh, hang on, this photo was taken six months ago… Bar news now. They’re all shut – except the ones that aren’t. Sorry officer, didn’t see a thing. Local Thai residents have formed groups called ‘Covid Killers’ to help fight the outbreak in their localities. Don’t fancy their chances of success as the equipment they’ve been issued with appears to consist of a magnifying glass and a hammer. Time to step away from the madness for a moment with couple of ancient tales from Monkeywatch in April 2010… “Meanies in the Thai Government have decided to increase the tax on alcohol this month to discourage all you naughty boys from getting too pissed during Songkran. The increase will be 20 baht per 100ml for drinks containing up to 12 per cent alcohol and 40 baht for anything stronger, so only use bars that water down the drinks. That shouldn’t limit your choice too much. There’s also been some outrageous talk of a further 20 baht tax on drinks sold to foreigners in bars. Perhaps someone should remind them that they’re the bloody foreigners. Last Thursday, the Mayor of Pattaya received a gift of 50 cardboard coffins that are apparently for the use of foreigners. Good idea. All they have to do now is put them under hotel balconies and wait.” Not a name that inspires confidence… The Thai Ministry of Commence has asked shops to cut the price of palm oil by two baht per bottle. Well how about that - they’ve come up with a lockdown exit strategy already. A warehouse in Banglamung burned to the ground a couple of weeks back in a huge fire that could be seen for miles. A large crowd gathered to witness the event, which was described by one onlooker as “the nearest thing to entertainment we’ve seen this month.” When this pandemic thingy is all over and done, Hollywood will no doubt be looking to cash in with a movie version of the whole debacle. Maybe they could call it “Wuhan Flu Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.” be seeing you monkeyman
  12. 11 points
    Greetings Monkeywatchers and core coon crap for joining us once again, though you probably haven’t got much else to do at the moment. Ho hum. Predictably, the Kung Flu is still dominating the news in Pattaya. City Hall has announced that pretty much everything has been cancelled for the next six months, including Songkran, the Pattaya Music Festival and the Beach Road Frog Trampling Contest. A long list of cancelled events has been published, though most people don’t seem to have been aware that most of these events existed in the first place. As Joni Mitchell once said, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. And you probably don’t give a monkey’s bollock (she didn’t say that bit.) If that wasn’t enough, it was announced that tourists arriving from certain countries would be asked to quarantine themselves for 14 days. Not much fun if you’ve come to Thailand for a fortnight’s holiday. Though there’s not much chance of that for a while. There’s been some controversy over farangs not wearing masks in Thailand during the current outbreak. Thais seem to be of the opinion that foreigners should be respectful of their culture at this time. So you’ve been told. Wear a mask, eat lots of bugs and drive at 100 mph while pissed out of your mind. Pattaya hotels are refurbishing their rooms in anticipation of the return of the Chinese tourists. Here’s one they’ve just finished… A Chinese chap who’d been to visit Pattaya with a tour group was later found tied up and bundled into a suitcase that had been chucked into the sea. The cause of death hasn’t yet been established though police say they haven’t ruled out suicide. Makes you wonder what they have ruled out. The Health Minister got himself into a spot of hot water after pontificating that Europeans were dirty, didn’t take showers and brought coronavirus to Thailand while fleeing the disease in their own countries. So nothing to do with the Chinese then. Doesn’t come as any surprise really. It’s generally accepted that the Thais don’t like Westerners. Or Russians. Or Chinese. Or Indians. Come to think of it, they don’t seem to like each other too much. Let’s face it, they can’t abide anybody. Welcome to the Land of Smiles. Not content with his previous rant, the minister is now trying to get all the bars, restaurants and nightclubs to stay shut at least until Hell freezes over. Talk about kicking a country when it’s down. We hereby nominated him for the 2020 “Biggest Tosspot Since Purachai Award.” In more enlightened times this man would have been burned at the stake. Pattaya is already preparing to welcome the return of the Chinese tourists with a traditional Thai noose party… Bar news time, and even before the current shutdown it was all all doom and gloom with multiple closures, including three long-established names. Living Dolls Showcase, Heaven Above, Rich, Runway and Club Nevada have all bitten the dust in the last month. At this rate there won’t be any Go Go bars left in Pattaya by the summer, though it probably won’t matter because there won’t be any tourists either. A Thai bloke has been arrested for murder after killing his neighbour because he wouldn’t give him a cigarette. He apparently offed the poor fellow by beating him to death with a pipe. Must have been a bloody big pipe, like that one Sherlock Holmes used to smoke. Actually, if he had a pipe, why did he need a cigarette anyway? Silly bugger. Let’s take a magic carpet ride back to pre-virus days now with a peek at a trio of stories from Monkeywatch in March 2010… “Remember Naklua opening its own version of Walking Street that was going to give Pattaya a whole new image? Well, it’s closed down already. Just more proof if it were needed that social engineering in Pattaya is about as feasible as knitting fog. A worker was rushed to hospital the other week after suffering severe burns in the Nong Pla Lai district while erecting a neon sign outside a convenience store. Locals are referring to the incident as “the tragic events of 7/11”. Seventy people convicted of drunk driving offences have each been sentenced to six hours community service - presumably as baht bus drivers until they sober up.” Post–lockdown civil disorder has already begun in Pattaya with the murder of this wheelie bin… In order to increase demand for rubber, the Rubber Authority of Thailand is to use the substance for manufacturing anatomical models. Funny, thought those things were banned. As soon as the entertainment venues in Pattaya were closed down, there was a mass stampede of temporarily displaced staff to Koh Larn where they all ended up standing shoulder to shoulder like a very big tin of sardines. It would seem that the local government’s social distancing policy needs a spot of tweaking. However, they decided not to bother and just shut the island down completely. So having lost the Chinese and Indian tourists, they’ve now got rid of the Thais as well. Think they might have to adjust their 2020 tourism predictions down a tad. And to finish as we started on a Kung Flu story, all visitors to Thailand (if there are any) must now download an app that will allow the authorities to track them wherever they go. So presumably not owning a mobile phone means you’ll get deported. A bit harsh maybe, but very reminiscent of the British schoolmaster who used to invite some of the younger boys round to his house to see his new state-of-the-art tape recorder. Then the headmaster found out that he didn’t own a tape recorder and he was sent to prison. I mean, what kind of a society is it where a man can be jailed just because he doesn’t own a tape recorder? be seeing you monkeyman
  13. 11 points
    Cheers Butch. Last night I again visited LKM where I observed the difference between a successful bar and what must be a failing one. The successful one was obviously Billabong where they play a range of popular Western music, a few popular Thai numbers and sell booze at very reasonable prices and have very little drink poncing. Most seats were taken and the place was heaving as it usually is most nights of the week even in low season. I later popped into Paradise Agogo a bar with a completely different set up. Admittedly a bit late in the evening at about 1.30am. There were three falangs in there, me, another punter with a girl in tow and the middle aged manager with the baseball cap on. As soon as my drink arrived I was joined by two vultures who sat either side of me and without even asking my name one of 'em asked me to buy 'em a drink each. I had to laugh with amazement at their nerve but refused the request telling them it was too peng (expensive) then the other one made the same request and that was also refused. It was hard to hear them or make myself heard as the DJ was playing a deafening racket that was loud even out in the street. This hullabaloo was negro rap with the usual constant references to n*ggers, motha fukkas, cocaine and cock suckas etc. Surely whoever owns it or runs the place must realise that the middle aged and elderly Western blokes who represent the majority of LKM's punters have no interest in listening to such filth and should in their own interest rectify the situation. It reminded me of Secrets and the clowns that ran it. I dunno what it was like earlier in the evening but if a sweep was held regarding which will be the next GGB in LKM to go tits up this is the one I'd put my money on. What a contrast to Billabong. You'd at least think the owner would get a new DJ or make the existing one play music people like listening to and at a reasonable volume. Or perhaps the DJ runs the place.
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