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Posts posted by atlas2

  1. 21 minutes ago, jacko said:

    Well if that is the highlight of the day go for it. To me it is gibberish as I cannot determine which true Thai words you are trying to present, and it comes across as smarmy. 

    ramM maiF deeM tho:htF bpeeL tho:htF glaawngM
    "A bad shearer never had a good sickle." — "A bad workman blames his tools."


    If you read the Thai words...I can't......

    They are harder to determine......

    "To dance badly blame/incriminate/impeach the wind instrument Thai oboe drum



    Anyway only a handfull more posts and you won't need to read anymore gibberish from me. Miserable git!


  2. 57 minutes ago, jacko said:

    My passport has never ever worked in those things and it makes me look like a dick. In LHR the immigration guy said it was  the way I held it there, I kept schtum and let him keep checking my passport, although feeling inclined to choke him with his turban. It never works in Manchester either. 

    It's the way you hold it it there.......5555!

    'Ram mai dee, tort bit, tort glorn'.........


    ' The tunes not good so the piper blames his pipe.......We'd say, 'a poor workman blames his tools'

     I know you hate and call this, 'time wasting meaningless gibberish' but  I learnt about 40 of these 'suparsits'....proverbs/idioms....I used that one only yesterday...with a smile in Tescos......With a cheeky laugh it cheered the girl up having problems and getting angry with removing the security tag on a bottle of wine. Other Thais held up in the  queue all raised their eyebrows and smiled at a falang who's not as dumb as he looks and who's who's taken the trouble to learn their 'gibberish'


  3. Having to keep that minimum 800,000 baht in the bank for most of a year limits our flexibility as to how long we can wait to top up from the UK.

    Sometime ago back when the pound was 60+ to the baht and 1 baht gold bars were around 16,000 baht......I built up a little nest-egg of 50 baht gold that I keep in a bank deposit box....Gold is around 19,000 for 1 baht now..... it went up to 23,000 at one point......Perhaps i should have sold it then......But it means for me......

    I have until October before my bank balance nears 800,000 but I've decided I will sell it all if the pound doesn't recover...That will give me another 10 months before I have to transfer money from the UK and accept a shit rate.......  Or consider it's time to go home run down my 800,000 keep my condo and just have extended holidays here.

    I still hope with all my heart that we leave the EU on 31st October........ 

  4. Yes enjoyed Wick 3........I always think of these films as a computer game with different levels to defeat....Brief interludes then it's straight into the next level. 

    The dog theme comes into its own here........Good fun.

    • Like 1
  5. My son’s mate played in an under 15 team against ‘The Matildas’ Australia’s National women’s team..... then rated 5th in the world. They beat the national woman’s team 10-1 

    says it all..... they’d be better of waltzing.

    Hope England do well but won’t be watching.

  6. My mate in UK says Chernobyl is great.......I'll have to watch when I'm in the mood for 'tense frightening and perhaps prophetic.......But I get enough of that watching England play.

    Into 'Warriors' at the moment.......From Cinimax, who did 'Spartacus' and 'Fight Back'......Set in San Francisco in the 19th century.....based on some Bruce Lee writings so you'll get the picture of Tong wars and kung Fu bedazzling the white man fights...Tough Irish police monopoly......Corrupt 'Duck' (Chinese name for white man) politicians. moving the chess pieces  around, preaching intolerance of Chinese crime and drugs on one hand while secretly encouraging and cashing in on the cheap Chinese labour......While the 'Onions'...(Chinese name for themselves.....bald heads and pig tails)......fight for control of China town......Lots and lots of black fish-nets, bodices and sloe -eyed tarts to admire in the town's brothel.

    If you can forget the preachy social commentary links to present day US immigration issues and lap up the bloody violence and the tits you'll have a ripping time.......Right up my street anyway!  

    • Like 1
  7. I like that....Sort of double edged.......

    Reminds me of France's most voted for joke.......

    "Dog walks into a telegraph office and asks if he can send a telegram to a friend of his, and gives his friend's address........ Amazed at a speaking dog the telegrapher says, "Of course sir......Let me take down your message.'

    "Thank you says the dog and dictates:.....'Woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof, woof woof.'

    The telegrapher counts up and says helpfully, "That's 9 woofs sir.....You can have one more woof for the same price"

    The dog gives him a quizzical look.....and says...."But that wouldn't make any sense!"

    • Haha 1
  8. My mate in UK has just had his girl over for 3 months.......He's 75 and she's 30.

    I've asked if she liked the Uk..he says she had a great time and he took her all over....I didn't ask about resentment on the street although I know he was worried about that prior to her visit....But I did ask how his daughter and son reacted when they finally met her.....He said they wouldn't meet her.....The whole 3 months!!  I didn't say anything but I think that's fucking disgusting of them.

  9. A Drake invites his duck lady friend out for a meal......

    No expense spared he wines and dines her with a delicious chicken dinner........a plate of corn.

    Then he roles his eyes upwards and says....'I've taken the riberty of booking a room'

    She blushes and nudges him gently with her wing......'What kind of duck do you take me for?'

    'Da most bootiful duck on the lake'

    She laughs.....He takes her by the wing and leads her up to the room......

    Settling down for some fun.......She insists on using a condom.

    The drake picks up the phone....(I don't how he did that I think he used his wing) and from Room Service he orders a condom be brought up immediately.

    Room service arrives with a condom on a silver platter .......'Would sir like me to put this on your bill?'

    No!!....... On my dick......D'you fink I'm some kind of pervert!"

    • Thanks 1
  10. 'OK says the teacher...Poetry today.....Who can put the word 'pistol' in a poem......'

    Jennifer's hand shoots up.

    'Go on Jennifer.......'

    'My daddy is a policeman

    He wears a suit of blue.

    He carries with him a truncheon and a pistol too'

    'Very well done Jennifer.........You clever girl. Can anyone match Jennifer's wonderful poem?

    Slowly Johnny raises his hand.

    Johnny? Really? ......Are you sure you want to try?

    Johnny nods......'Oh well go on then..... You might as well have a go.'

    'My daddy's not a policeman.......

    He has no suit of blue.....

    He 'signs on' every Thursday......

    And goes on the piss 'till two.'


    • Haha 3
  11. This can be interchangeable.......

    But in this example.....

    An Aussie and a Maori go into a pie shop.....The Aussie deftly slips 3 pies into his pocket.

    "See how slickly I did that the owner never noticed a thing!'

    Unimpressed the Maori says, 'I can show you how get 3 pies legally and without paying......"

    Back in the shop the Maori says to the owner, 'do you want to see a truly amazing magic trick?'

    Up for any magic trick the owner agrees.

    'Pass me a pie' The owner does and the Maori scoffs it down in two bites.

    'Pass me another pie'...The Maori scoffs that down too.

    'And finally pass me a third pie'......Scowling a bit and suspicious  now the shop owner passes him a third pie which is quickly scoffed down.

    'Daaan Naah!' exclaims  the Maori .

    Pissed off the owner says......'Er mate where the bloody magic in that?'

    'Check my mate's pockets'


    • Haha 2
  12. 15 hours ago, Bob Belzy said:

    Last week I put down a deposit on a new bed in Ikea; bastards had me thrown out.

    My ex wife wanted us to try a water-bed to spice up our love life.......But somehow we just drifted apart.

  13. 'Do you still love me darling..after all these years?'

    Snuggling closer....."Of course you silly girl.'

    If I died would you remarry?....You could you know, I wouldn't mind I'd want you to be happy. You should have someone to share your life with.'

    "Let's not think about those things.......Let's just say I suppose it's possible.'

    ..........'Would you.......... give her my golf clubs?'

    " No she's left-handed.................'

    • Haha 3
  14. A dog in the old west steps a paw on a silver dollar.......Picks it up and heads for the saloon.

    'Give me a shot of red-eye' he barks.

    "We don't serve stinking dogs in this bar..even talking ones'

    Clutching the dollar  the dog bangs it on the bar..."I got a dollar....give me a shot of red-eye'

    Pulling a six shooter the barman shoots the dollar from the dog's grip...... Screaming in pain and yelping most piteously  the dog leaves the bar.

    Two years later the dog returns.......walking upright now.....two pearl-handled colts on his hip and a stetson pulled down......... death in his eyes.....

    The dog looks round the room

    The piano stops a tinkling......the poker players look up..........The whores cover their mouths.......


    Then the dog speaks.....Low and kinda slow........

    'I'm'a looking for the man who shot my paw!'


    • Haha 1
  15. Have to applaud you BD for recommending 'Bosch'.

    Well written.....slowly evolving cases.

    Bosch puts a lid on his inner emotions and deals phlegmatically with everything thrown at him. Even as a subordinate he's always in charge. Just finished 4 seasons.


    • Thanks 1
  16. My Daikin was nearly 25,000 baht.

    needs a clean regularly ....easy to do... the main filter is only one that needs replacing.... on 8 hours a day they reckon every 10 years

    On my usage I’ll probably get one or a new machine in about 5 years.

    Incidently I noticed over the recent holiday for the coronation despite a rise in traffic pollution levels dropped to being very good 

    the day the holidays finished and the factories started up again up went the pollution .

  17. 2 minutes ago, jacko said:

    Well I obviously got to it before you deleted the link. Harrowing and I am quite sure some would object to it. 

    I would not like to re-post it myself. 

    Agree...Let's hope Boeing put a fix in that's 100% or they scrap the variation.

  18. I was watching a Bob Monkhouse special last night.........And although this isn't a joke per se I found it funny.

    He was talking to an audience of comedians about comedians being heckled and he told the story of Roy Castle struggling gamely through his act to about 40 people in a 600 seat theatre.......

    Someone high up on one wing of the empty seats shouts out......"Can yer turn light owt....I fancy a snooze......' And from the other wing someone shouts out. 'Don't do that I'm reading' 



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