Nightmarch

[MM 6,562]

You Lose 16 Days and What Do You Get? Uncle Kenny, one of the politely-spoken and gentle-voiced partners in the Boxing Roo beer boozer (Third Road, opposite Soi Lengkee), claims the nightlife of Fun Town has lost up to 16 days of operations between the start of December 2007 and 18 July this year. This is due to the standard Buddha religious days, national government, senate, and local government elections. Taking a conservative line in my figures, lost revenue for the night entertainment industry here must be at least 10 million baht per night, or more than 160 million baht for the past seven and a half months. I base these figures on 70 ogling dens averaging 30,000 baht a night in turnover and 800 beer boozers and the like taking 10,000 baht per night. The figures are extremely loose, but I think give an idea of how much money didn’t make it into the system. Equally, we’ll never know how many people won’t be coming back in a hurry any time soon because of these silly closures.

 

Low Season Dancing: While Fun Town busines-ses struggle through this low season the management of the Sisterz ogling den (Walking Street) have decided to take a pro-active approach to attracting bums on seats by holding special promotions every second Thursday, at least for the foreseeable future. The second of these was an in-house dance contest on Thursday night 24 July featuring 20 dancing damsels, of whom about seven or eight really knew how to shake their good bits.

[Night-March]

SISTERZ ARE DOIN’ IT: This young lady in the Sisterz ogling den (Walking Street) is a fine example of chrome pole maiden featured in a recent dance contest (see story). (Photo by DAK)

It was a pity that two or three of those who didn’t move much more than an eyebrow (see photo) were knocked out of the competition after the first round because they were fine examples of the chrome pole hugging brigade. Perhaps a share of the 11,000 baht in prize money, nearly half of it kicked in by excitable patrons, wasn’t enough to entice them. No matter, the atmosphere was good, the dancing mostly excellent, and the majority of the crowd appreciative. The contest started just after 9:30PM and went over three rounds: from 20 starters to 12 to a final four. Those who stayed to the end were treated to one of the most vibrant finales I’ve seen in a long time in a dance contest, and I’ve seen more than enough to have a completely jaded view of these events.

A friend of mine from Finland, who has been to Pattaya seven times, watched much of the contest from beside the stage, busily scribbling away into a notepad as the event unfolded. He gave me his notes before he left and they make interesting reading. For example: on the girl who eventually won the event he wrote: ‘dynamite! Offbeat but she put her mind into it.’ Absolutely. On a later page he wrote: ‘there’s some quality in the ambience of this place,’ and followed up with, ‘this show is good, because even a man having been [colloquial word for sexual intercourse] all day gets excited.’ The only negative came when he decided the decibel level was too high for him and he left prior to the end.

The next event on the promotional calendar will be a Limbo Dance Contest (how low can she go? Anywhere between the top of the thigh and the navel is fine by me) on Thursday night 7 August. Sisterz may have been a rudderless ship when July kicked off; it has now recruited a strong crew of chrome pole molesters and most are a friendly lot, making the den a great place for interaction between starry-eyed punters and wallet emptiers.

A New Colloquialism: Although the majority of sois in Pattaya have numbers or names, for many long-term expats and regular visitors, the more prominent of these very often come equipped with a colloquial name. An easy couple of examples are Soi 13/2, which is known as Soi Post Office, because the local post office happens to be located in the street in question; then there’s Soi 6, still referred to by many as Soi Yodsak. The reason behind the name ‘Yodsak’ is lost in the mists of (short) time, for all I know it may be a local slang term for ‘empty sac’.

Soi 13/1, the next road north of Soi Post Office, has been colloquially called Soi Yamato for most of the past three decades or so because of the Yamato Japanese restaurant, at the time of its opening the most prominent and dominant building on the street. Yamato has gone and it was suggested to me by ‘Nervous’ Dave, the personable mine host of the Nervous Wreck beer boozer, the soi be given a new nickname: Soi Nervous.

Of course, this soi also contains the apparently popular boys-will-dress-as-girls ogling den Stringfel-lows, literally a padded bra’s throw across the street from the Nervous Wreck.

As far as long-established joints are concerned, the Clinic sports emporium, towards the Beach Road end, has been in action for longer than most places almost anywhere in Fun Town. There again, no offence to Deadly Derek, the genial operator of the Clinic, but starting a new colloquial name, Soi Clinic, doesn’t sound conducive to repeat business, it’s far too stethoscopic. Perhaps we could combine the pair and now start referring to the street as Soi Nervous Clinic. That conjures up visions of men with plumbing problems and unexpected discharges furtively hugging the shadows as they search for a reputable dispenser of medicinal compounds.

More a Local Boozer than a Real Den: The relocation of the Spicy Girls ogling den into Soi Post Office has proven to be a success, if only because its previous site in Pattayaland Soi 1 was becoming even more gender-confused. The den is on the small and intimate side, so the current complement of a dozen or so chrome pole molesters is sufficient. While they may not be in the star class, they’re a friendly bunch and a couple have been employed in the place for so long they could probably qualify for long-service leave. That’s either a sign of a good employer or a very lazy wallet emptier. The personable Panda, mine host of the den, can be found propping up the bar every night. Happy hour is between 6:30 and 8:30PM with bottled amber fluid (there’s no draught) at 65 baht. Perhaps the best deal for those on a budget is the Saturday night specials between 6:30 and 11:00PM with bottled froth at 80 baht and house liver wasters 90 baht where it’s a buy one, get one free, promotion.

The Changing Face of the Central Sois: As property values between Beach Road and Second Road remain strong it’s no surprise to see the odd collection of beer boozers either demolished or remodelled, with both activities designed to increase the earnings of the property owners on a per square metre basis. The Eastiny Plaza in the middle of Soi 8 saw the demise of between 10 and 12 beer boozers and effectively divides the street into two sections on the left-hand side (coming from Beach Road). Next door in Soi 7 the brace of beer boozers alongside the Flipper sleeping palace have gone under the bulldozer.

In recent weeks the operators of the beer boozers at the front of the Baron Beach (formerly the Prince) Hotel have been watching as the size of their businesses has been reduced by about half. This will allow the landlord, Khun Mike, the owner of Mike Shopping Mall and other properties around town, to install a new brace of beer boozers, which he can flog off at a nice profit. I’m told he has not increased the rents for the old boozer operators, hardly a philanthropic gesture given he has just emasculated them to the tune of 50 percent of their original space. One of the most prominent of the boozers being downsized is Cherry. Rather than sit out and wait for the rebuilding to be completed he opened the Cherry Too beer boozer at the back of the set of bars near Soi 13 on Beach Road, behind the long-established Scandi boozer. I’m told the remodelled Soi 8 boozers should have been ready to reopen by 25 July. The new brace of boozers will have just the one sound system rather than a Tower of Aural Babel that characterised the previous regime.

Thomas More’s Version it Ain’t: The finishing touches are still being applied to the much-promoted Soho Square complex at the southern end of Walking Street, but the main attraction at present is Utopia, downstairs it bills itself as a coyote-style dance den, although it is open-sided and more like an upmarket beer boozer. Upstairs is an ogling den, but it is going to take a lot of work to make it a viable operation. Compact and nicely decorated, it boasted just six g-stringed dancing damsels when I wandered in recently, and, not surpris-ingly, no customers.

There again, at least it’s open, unlike the Angels chrome pole den further up the road. After two years operating under this cognomen Angels, not much bigger than a broom closet and a claustrophobics nightmare, finally bit the dust. Not before time.

Finally, congratulations to the Coyotee’s chrome pole palace (Soi Marina Plaza) which celebrated three years of operations in late July. In doing so it becomes easily the most successful venture by a country mile to have operated on that site. The year Coyotee’s opened 15 other operations kicked off in and around Walking Street. Four of these have closed and four others have had ownership and name changes in that time, so Coyotee’s has done well to keep kicking in the maelstrom.

Piece of Pith: You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

 

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