Monkeywatch - November 2009

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, as we light the blue touch paper of our damp squib and remember Guy Fawkes, the only bloke in history who knew how to deal with politicians. Right, off we go.

 

 

There was a story reported from South Pattaya about three weeks ago entitled "Canadian loses 500,000 baht's worth of valuables following room theft". So how do you smuggle a room out of a hotel without anyone noticing?

 

 

Two monks were arrested for begging a couple of Saturdays ago after being caught doing the rounds of Third Road bars asking punters for money. They were both taken to the temple in South Pattaya and summarily disrobed, at which point it was discovered that the older man was not even a real monk. The police decided not to pursue the begging offence, but the younger man is believed to have been charged with possession of a fake monk in line with the police's stated aim of cracking down on counterfeit goods.

 

 

Part of the new pavement on Beach Road was closed recently after an eagle-eyed council worker spotted a hairline crack in its surface…

 

 

 

 

The Monday before last, two men were approached on Thappraya Road in South Pattaya by three Thai chappies who said they were police officers. They searched their victims and stole money and mobile phones from them before fleeing with their ill-gotten gains. It is believed that the men were impersonating police officers and their behaviour would certainly suggest this to be the case.

 

 

After receiving complaints from Indian authorities about the way their citizens were being treated in Pattaya, the Tourist Authority Of Thailand attempted to defuse the situation by telling them to "fuck off and stop whingeing".

 

 

A reception was held at Royal Garden Plaza the other Tuesday for the finalists of the 2009 Miss Poland Contest as part of their tour of Thailand prior to the competition. They were given a warm welcome and assured that they would all be welcome to enter a Thailand beauty contest as long as nobody found out that they were really girls.

 

 

Speaking of which, the Miss International Queen contest took place at the Tiffany Show Theatre at the weekend, in which a bunch of unsavoury looking poofs put on their best frocks to compete for the title and this impressive trophy…

 

 

 

 

Entertainment news next, and what else to begin with than the reopening of Devil's Den. The authorities obviously realised that all those stories about the place were just scurrilous lies. Of course, we all knew that already, didn't we? Club Mirage on Soi Diamond has reopened under new management and Coyotees A Go Go has closed, reportedly for good this time. Oh, and Insomnia was raided again, though they had some company this time as Lucifer's and Mixx were raided as well, the latter taking place the night after the Mayor had visited the place to celebrate their birthday. Guess somebody must have pissed him off. Perhaps they made him pay for his drinks.

 

 

A Korean tourist was detained by police a couple of weeks back after he was spotted walking down the middle of Naklua Road and handing out all his cash to bemused motorists. The man was judged to be having a mental breakdown and was taken to hospital for psychiatric treatment. Bloody loony. Why couldn't he have handed all his cash over to bar girls like any normal bloke?

 

 

It must have been a bad week for Korean tourists as another one was arrested the very next day after being caught breaking into a shop and stealing ice coffee and water. When the policeman arrived, the tourist allegedly said "You for coffee?" and was then charged with using abusive language as well as with breaking and entering.

 

 

There was some drama in Pattaya last week when an experimental Thai Air Force jet got into difficulties…

 

 

 

 

Fire units were called to Naklua Road recently after a fire broke out on the premises of a curtain company. The chief fire officer, Mr Ukan Sukmadik, told the owner it was "an open and shut case" and that he should "pull himself together". The owner is now in police custody facing assault charges and Mr Sukmadik is recovering in hospital after undergoing an operation to remove a curtain pole from his rectum.

 

 

Finally, a Thai bloke was arrested the other week for throwing a stone in the face of a 15-year-old girl as she was walking along the road. He was called Khun Tawat. Couldn't have put it better myself.

 

 

be seeing you

 

monkeyman

[Montydog 135]

Once again you've started my month off with a good chuckle Cheers