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Monkeywatch - April 2010

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Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another peepshow on Pattaya. Let the eyeballing commence.


Well, a couple of weekends ago we were once again treated to that wonderful event known as the Pattaya International Music Festival. The basic idea behind this is that you close some roads for three days causing complete gridlock so that a load of Thai teenage gangs can come into town and have a punch up. Oh, and a few bands that nobody's ever heard of play a few tunes. This has the potential to become as popular as Songkran. Deep joy.


There were some rumours flying about that the 60s British band The Scaffold had been sighted behind the main stage but it turned out to be just a misunderstanding…




For the duration of the festival, local Thais gave Beach Road the nickname 'Road Of Clap', which cleverly described both the generous applause given to the performers and the locals' opinion of the goods for sale on these stalls…




Last Wednesday, members of the Royal Thai Marine Corps took part in a local war games exercise in which large amounts of live ammunition were used. The event was deemed to be a success, though the resultant depletion in ammunition stocks means that any attack from a neighbouring country in the next few months is likely to be repelled by catapults and peashooters.


A chappie from Sattahip discovered a live mortar while digging around in a garbage dump for 'items of value' a couple of weeks ago. Perhaps he should get in touch with the Royal Thai Marine Corps.


A British expat was arrested in Jomtien the other week for flogging pirate DVD movies. He was taken to Pattaya Police Station and 'processed in accordance with Thai law', so keep your eyes peeled for some DVD bargains in the Soi 9 area. They also arrested a tubby Thai tart for knocking out fake designer handbags, so let's have no more talk about xenophobia.


This sign outside the A1 Hotel in Soi 1 has caused considerable consternation among their Japanese guests, many of whom have spent their entire holiday standing up…




Meanies in the Thai Government have decided to increase the tax on alcohol this month to discourage all you naughty boys from getting too pissed during Songkran. The increase will be 20 baht per 100ml for drinks containing up to 12 per cent alcohol and 40 baht for anything stronger, so only use bars that water down the drinks. That shouldn't limit your choice too much. There's also been some outrageous talk of a further 20 baht tax on drinks sold to foreigners in bars. Perhaps someone should remind them that they're the bloody foreigners.


Not many movers and shakers worth reporting on the bar scene. Powers Club has opened on Walking Street and Mirage and Illusion have both closed. Hardly news to set the world on fire. It'd struggle to light a match.


Here's a nice example of health and safety that was observed at the Bridge Bar in Heathrow Terminal 3 a couple of weeks ago. A barman collecting glasses spilt some beer on the wooden floor so the eagle-eyed manager immediately placed one of those 'caution-wet floor' signs over the spot. No further action was taken until about 15 minutes later (by which time the spot had virtually dried out) when a barmaid appeared, mopped the area until it was even wetter than it had started and then removed the sign. Absolutely true, I kid you not. You couldn't make it up, could you?


The name doesn't exactly tickle the taste buds…




Last Thursday, the Mayor of Pattaya received a gift of 50 cardboard coffins that are apparently for the use of foreigners. Good idea. All they have to do now is put them under hotel balconies and wait.


There was some high jinks on Sukhumvit Road last Thursday when a street cleaner discovered a heavy package which he believed might be a bomb. Police were called but the package was found to contain nothing more than brochures from a local air conditioning company. Both the street cleaner and the owner of the company were subsequently arrested just for the hell of it.


Finally, the long awaited Highway 7 from Bangkok to Pattaya is finally open so visitors to Pattaya now have even more choice of traffic jams to get stuck in. So perhaps we don't need the Music Festival any more. We can but hope.


be seeing you




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