Thailand 4 expats

[lovedog100 1,372]

Found this on another board, it's good, so I thought I'd share.

 

 

You Know When You’ve Lived in Thailand Too Long When…

 

You think it’s normal to have a beer at 9:00 a.m.

 

You begin to enjoy Thai TV programs.

 

You look four ways before crossing a one way street.

 

You realize that ALL your problems are caused by Thai girls, or cranky ATMs.

 

You put salt and chilli on your fruit.

 

A Thai cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet..

 

You think that a Honda Civic is a prestigious car.

 

All your tee-shirts are emblazoned with the name of some bar.

 

You can’t remember the last time you wore a suit and tie.

 

You think a polo shirt and jeans are formal attire.

 

Someone tells you that watching Thai politics is like watching two chameleons making love and you understand the analogy.

 

You aren’t upset when the bar girl next to you eats beetles as a snack.

 

Later the same night, you actually kiss the bar girl who earlier dined on the beetles.

 

You haven’t had a solid stool for five years.

 

You wake up in the morning and realize that you have nowhere to go and all day to get there.

 

You think white wine goes well with Som Tam.

 

You understand when your Thai wife says, ‘My friend you’ or ‘Same, same, but different.’

 

A Thai bar girl you’ve just met tells you that her mother is deathly ill and you just laugh and walk away.

 

You realize that your Thai wife’s loyalties belong to:

 

1. A royal family

2. Her parents.

3. Her brats from a previous marriage to a Thai scoundrel who deserted her.

4. Any remaining blood relatives.

5. The family buffalo.

6. The family’s goldfish.

7. You.

 

The Thai Navy buys a new submarine and you’re not surprised when the first thing they do is remove the mufflers and hang a garland from the rear view mirror.

 

You consider you mobile phone a fashion accessory.

 

You start wearing slippers everywhere

 

You start driving cars barefeet

 

You no longer enjoy Songkran. Instead, you stay home with a stack of dvds.

 

You become an expert on buying and selling gold jewellery.

 

Dogs become animals you'd rather kick than pet.

 

When driving a car you'll start using every free inch of the road.

 

You flash your 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at an intersection.

 

It’s two days before payday, so you only go to bars with balloons strung outside..

 

You realize that all the important words in Thai begin with the letter ‘S’. Sanuk (Fun), Saduak (convenient), Sabai (comfortable), Suay pretty).

 

You believe that buying a gold chain is an acceptable courtship ritual, or at least a form of foreplay.

 

You think a calendar more useful than a watch.

 

You go to a Thai Boxing match and a soccer game breaks out.

 

You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus.

 

Indian tailors ignore you when you walk past their shop.

 

When you charge a Falang the "Falang price"

 

When english becomes your second language

 

When you call and tell your parents about your sick buffalo

 

When you see a falang and yell "Falang!"

 

Taxi drivers understand you.

 

You are not surprised when the lady who owns the pub asks if you know anyone who will teach her son English.

 

Not only does it not bother you a lady is cleaning the urinal next to the one you are using, but that you also start to have a casual chat with her.

 

You think blondes look exotic

 

You push the pull open door for the 50th time this week and giggle about the experience again

 

Seeing stubble on the chin of your bride the morning after the wedding.

 

You read the subtitles at the movies rather than listen to the english

 

You find that everything you own is counterfeit.

 

When you wait after the traffic light has turned green for four more cars to pass the intersection.

[samfreeland 64]

that's great man it should be made compulsory reading before a visit to Thailand. many a true word is spoken in jest. i think i just learnt more than 6mnths reading threads lol.

[laffnliv 78]

Have we met? You seem to know me well!

 

In all honesty there are things listed there that I haven't done yet. Maybe tomorrow?

 

Little Roy

[joekicker 53]

Found this on another board, it's good, so I thought I'd share.

 

So you survived, or you're in temporary remission, or what? Good to see you well enough to type, but health update, please!!

 

.

[Kev 158]

when you start complaining about no free towels or water in Tony's gym

Edited August 18, 2010 by Kev

[roorsoldja 325]

lol , i've only been once and i found most of that shit hilarious. maybe I'm spending too much time on this board.

[jhrawy 4]

I reachd 50% of ur lest tel now

[ZARIS 20]

really funny.I had tears rolling down my face.Too much of it rang true.

[chas 16]

The wet foot marks on the toilet seat are yours

 

You understand the Security Man's whistles

 

You have your own whistle

 

You try to get on the lift (Elevator) before everyone has got off

 

You shout at cars coming he correct way down a one way street

 

You always park away from the condo to avoid 'falang flyers'

 

In in public you pick your nose and flick the findings, but take great care to hide your mouth when using a tooth pick

 

You go shopping, dancing, with a Vick Inhaler up your nostril and a ten baht coin in your ear for the baht bus

 

And so it goes on...

[lovedog100 1,372]

You take a newbie to a bar with an attendant, just to watch his reaction when he comes out.

 

When someone tells you that they took #44 from babydolls last night, you not only know exactly who he is talking about, but ask if she did that thing with her tongue.

[VPI78 10,458]

You take a newbie to a bar with an attendant, just to watch his reaction when he comes out.

 

When someone tells you that they took #44 from babydolls last night, you not only know exactly who he is talking about, but ask if she did that thing with her tongue.

 

Damn, now you've done it ... That was my girl and she is different.

[Oliver_J 2]

LOL! They're all true.

[rumpole 4]

The Thai Navy buys a new submarine and you're not surprised when the first thing they do is remove the mufflers and hang a garland from the rear view mirror.

 

I do not know about the rear view mirror as most submarines have no widows, but the probably do hang a garland or two for good luck which you need to avoid bumping into things if you can not see where you are going, which is probably more practical than the Irish Navy's answer to this problem which is to travel in reverse to avoid bumping into things.

[harro1 256]

You speak broken english when talking to other falangs

You take a dump and get annoyed that the toilet doesn't have a bum gun

 

You have a roll of toilet paper on your table to use as napkins