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For European team members eyes only

 

 

I know we have lot of golfers who really stink. I know a lot the US golfers who can't play golf all that well either, but they have some mean players also. To try to level the playing field we should resort to creative golf.

 

This just isn't the right thing to do, unless you are European.

Golf is one of the few sports in which cheating isn't highly acceptable, yet situations where people bend the rules are fairly prevalent. Golfers who are so inclined to, say, poke their opponents with a tree branch while they are about to play a crucial stroke, is acceptable. In addition, also things like poisoning opponents is an effective way to come out on top.

Regardless of your tactics, I hope you have all schemed ways to ensure that you are the only one left standing after it's all over and you have accumulated two points for Europe.

 

Other popular ways that are acceptable for European golfers include:

 

1. Employing Handicaps that fluctuate more than the NASDAQ

 

"Handicap Maintenance" is what my friend "Callum" (Doggie) terms this.

We learnt this from Dad last year.(US team member)

 

2. Using illegal equipment

 

Golf clubs powered by gasoline engines will soon become the norm for the Rideher Cup.

 

3. Creative counting

 

"Plan B" is how Hilly refers to this technique.

 

4. Getting your Tits out (for our Lady players)

 

This nearly worked against Grendal last year.

 

5. Fill-in-the-blanks approach to the Rule Book

 

"When a ball disappears in the middle of a water hazard it is considered to be temporarily out of service. Seeing as I paid good money to play and the Thai guy swimming should be present but isn't, there is no penalty and the ball must be perched on a nice, fluffy piece of grass much closer to the hole."

 

"Out of bounds markers are defined by the real or perceived level of danger in venturing to play a ball from a non-golfy region that may be protected by things like Snakes or evil ex Thai girlfriends wielding brooms.

 

6. Get the US team member pissed and give them a present of a T/g who will ride their cocks off.

 

A bit expensive but works every time.

 

In closing, I believe that it is the inherently difficult nature of golf combined with a Europeans unquenchable desire to conquer and retain the RIDEHER CUP is what encourages us to be creative at golf. Or, perhaps the answer lies in a joke which ponders an age-old question. The question: why do dogs lick their balls? The answer: because they can.

So when playing for Europe take heed and win at all costs.

 

Duece

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Duece,

 

I "Accidently" clicked on this post thinking it might have something to do with a RideHer Cup Update and was shocked to read your suggestions.  I see you have gone to the treachery early.  

 

Am I right in thinking this means you are clearly worried that  the US /Canada side (do we have some Canadian players?)  is vastly superior, kind of like my Miami Dolphins when they faced the Houston Texan's... ooh wait never mind about that football reference.

 

To get back on track let me remind you that last year when AM tried to pay off my caddie to throw Grant and I's match she was shut down right off the bat.  Obviously she had not seen AM's boobs a few holes before, or maybe she did and instead of becomeing arroused became jealous?

 

Perhaps this year we should have an impartial judge to decide any potential conflicts that may arrise.  Someone like...  Joop.  I know he has a wedding and all going on but  he seems impartial to me, I'm willing to wait till after the honeymoon for him to decide that the US wins.

 

Gren

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See the American Inteligence agencys are not loosing the plot.

They can't find Bin Laden or Sadam, but they can find our secret plans for the RIDEHER CUP.

;D ;D ;D ;D

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Duece,

 

I was not going to respond to this thread as I figured it would be my little secret that I could let my teamates in on, but seen as Grendel already let the cat out of the bag, I will say that I think you made a tactical error in this post as only americans are looking at this. Your Euro teamates must think this is some kind of American trick as was stealing the cup.

 

So if you really want to get some Top Secret advice out,  I suggest you start a thread that says USA RideHer Team Only, none of us will really care or even look, but all the Euros will check it out to see what were up to.

 

BTW Gren, nice football reference.

 

Gammon

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Deuce

 

Nice decoy - you have succeeded in getting all the Americans looking at this post! An excellent weapon of mass distraction I think!

 

I see that there is talk of an independent tournament adjudicator - this is an excellent idea. We wouldn't want to have the Americans lodging a protest after we have retained the trophy. Any nominations for this important role? It should, of course, be someone from a neutral country who knows how to check the score cards. Perhaps Pete would like to nominate someone?

 

Of course, we will continue to discuss the real European strategy by e-mail.

 

Doggie

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