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A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."   The art collector replied, "I've had an aw

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Just got off the phone with an expert in china.

He says it's not worth getting Covid-19 right now, as they're expecting Covid-20 Pro to be released in December.

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A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.  The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of whiskey was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."  "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry ... I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
 

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On 11/25/2020 at 4:47 PM, jomtienguy said:

This reminds me of a day a few years ago when I got on the lift at the 7th floor all alone and it stopped at the fifth floor where 3 young Thais got on and I dropped a particularly nasty one , whereupon the three young Thais started hitting the lift button so they could get out at the third floor. And all they got from me was a smile and a slight shrug. Sometimes Thai food takes me on a journey others would rather I not travel.

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An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:

"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a £2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a £4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and £2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not really sure what to do. What do you suggest?"

At this point, the girl’s father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You shag her again."
 

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