Jump to content
Instructions on joining the Members Only Forum

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 2.6k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Radio Interview Note: This is an exact transcript of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visitin

Here's one that make me laugh out loud. There's a new handiman at the zoo. He's given 3 jobs for his first day. First, clean the weeds out of the fishpond, for which he's given a shovel. Ste

Posted Images

I heard about these two cowboys walking into the saloon......One was called 'Past'.......The other 'Present'.

...........it was tense. 

  • Thanks 1
  • Haha 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Next day another cowboy comes into the saloon...........

His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, and boots are made of tissue paper.

He got arrested for rustling. 

Edited by atlas2
  • Haha 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

A man walked into a bar and got taken to hospital with head injuries - it was an iron bar.

A man walks into a bar with a live lobster under his arm. Bartender: Are you taking that lobster home for dinner? Customer: No, we've had dinner, we're going to the movies now.  

  • Haha 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Those made me laugh, great way to start the day.  Thanks Bugus.

Edited by awesum4
  • Upvote 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, atlas2 said:

Prince Charles is visiting the US.....He's walking down a New York alley wearing a Savile Row double breasted suit and a white stetson ....to fit in.

A prostitute calls out an invitation and a price '$500.'

Charles tips his hat politely and jokes, '$5'

Next day same thing happens......She asks $500 Charles tips his hat and mumbles  '$5.'

The next day he's walking with Camilla and sees the same prostitute......He thinks, 'Oh my word! What will she say?'

The prostitute calls out......'D'ya get change from the $5?'

So gooood....

Link to post
Share on other sites

Funny I've always  read VPI78 and thought it stood for VPL.......Visible pantie line

Cue.. Twilight Zone music.......(The new series of which is shit by-the-way).

Edited by atlas2
  • Upvote 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

An Irish priest was driving to New York and got stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He asked, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," said the priest.

The trooper asked, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looked at the bottle and exclaimed, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

  • Haha 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

A bloke is stopped by a policeman when driving through town at 2.30 am. The copper asks him where he's going. "I'm off to hear a lecture on the evils of drink and womanising." Copper: "Nonsense, who'd be giving a lecture at this time of the morning?"

"That would be my wife when I get home". 

  • Thanks 1
  • Haha 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Quasimodo comes home after a hard day ringing the church bells to find his wife pulling the wok out of the cupboard. "Oh good, is it Chinese tonight Esmeralda?" he asks. "No"  she says,  "I'm ironing you a shirt for tomorrow."

What have Kermit the Frog and Henry the VIII got in common?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The same middle name.

 

 

Edited by Bob Belzy
  • Like 1
  • Haha 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

OK....Quasimodo goes into a bar and somehow picks up this drunken sexy saloon gal.......

He shags her rotten and in the morning she wakes up.....She sees what she's been shagging all night......And staring at the hairy hump on his back she throws up all over it!!

Quasi wakes, puts a hand in the sick on his hump.......and gasps in horror!!

She says I

"Gee....I'm mighty sorry mister....I couldn't help throwing-up."

'Ahhhh......Thaaank Gorrrd'. Says Quasi, "I thought my hunch had burst"

Edited by atlas2
  • Upvote 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

A wife is giving birth in hospital, with her husband and nursing staff by the bedside. It's a difficult birth, and the midwife urges her to give one huge push. A tremendous fart rends the air as the baby slithers out.  The wife is visibly embarrassed and apologises. Never mind, says the midwife, only usually in this situation it's the wife that farts, not the husband.

  • Upvote 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.


×
×
  • Create New...