A few funnies

[jballstate 326]

A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to New York. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.

When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary increase and greater benefits.

His co worker said to reconsider. New York was a magnificent city, with world class museums, loaded with a great history, sites, close to Canada, good public transportation, etc.

Then he said: "Why I myself worked in New York for almost 10 years, and in all that time I never had a problem with crime while I was working."

The first asked "What did you do there?"

To which the other replied, "I was tail-gunner on a bread truck".

An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?"

"Chronic syphilis, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," said the Major.

He went to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," barked the Major.

He moved to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two assholes, Sir!"

Six Jewish gentlemen were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when one of them loses $500 on a single hand and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, they complete their playing time standing up.

Now, who is going to tell the wife? They draw straws, and Goldberg who is always a loser picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is.

"Gentlemen! I'm the most discreet guy you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me." He goes to the apartment, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. "Your husband just lost $500."

She hollers, "TELL HIM HE SHOULD DROP DEAD!"

Goldberg said, "I'll tell him!"