chrispy

The genius genie. A man walked into a bar with a paper bag. He sat down and placed the bag on the counter. The bartender asked, "What's in the bag"? The man reached into the bag and pulled out a little man about one foot high and set him on the counter. He reached back into the bag and pulled out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reached into the bag once again and pulled out a tiny piano stool, which he placed in front of the piano. The little man sat down at the piano and started playing a beautiful piece by Mozart! "Where on earth did you get that?" said the bartender. The man responded by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulled out a magic lamp. He handed it to the bartender and said: "Here. Rub it." So the bartender rubbed the lamp and suddenly there 's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. "I will grant you one wish." The bartender got really excited. Without hesitating, he said, "I want a million bucks!" A few moments later, a duck walked into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar was filled with ducks and they kept coming! The bartender turned to the man and said, "Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks." "Tell me about it!!" said the man, "do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?

Qantas Pilots v. mechanics Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QUANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. (By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.) P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log. S stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics. P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back order!! P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for! P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windscreen. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. (Note: this was for a piston-engineered airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly). S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Radar hums. S: Reprogrammed radar with words. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.