I'm on a mailing list that sometimes dishes up the scripts of the late-night show monologues in the US. Americans, skip the next paragraph.
For those who don't know, every weekday night about 10 or 11 o'clock in the US, all the big networks and a couple of small ones have "late night shows" which are essentially variety shows, with interviews of stars and wannabes. Some of them get a pretty big audience. They go on until 2, 3 even 4 o'clock in the morning.
Inevitably they start with a jokey monologue by the show's host. Here are what Americans got on Monday night, according to my email