One liners

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Some short and sweet, fast and furious one liners... hope you enjoy

 

Q whats the definition of making love ?

A its what a Woman does when a Mans Fucking her

 

Q why do scotsmen wear kilts ?

A Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away

 

Q whats a mans idea of foreplay ?

A 1 hour of begging

 

Q what do you call a Lesbian with thick fingers ?

A Well hung

 

Q what do you call a scouser in a white shell suit ?

A The Bride

 

Q what do you get if you cross an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic ?

A A man who lies awake at night, wondering if there really is a dog

 

Q what's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer ?

A The taste

 

Q whats the best way to remember your wife's birthday ?

A Forget it once

 

Q What's the difference between Twiggy and a fake American dollar ?

A One's a phoney buck....

 

Q Why do men give names to their dicks ?

A Becauce they don't want a total stranger making 90% of their decisions

 

Q What do you call an Australian with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other ?

A Bisexual

 

Q what do you call an Aardvark that's just been beaten up ?

A A Vark

 

Q why can't you have driving lessons and receive sex education on the same day in Iraq ?

A it wears out the camel

 

Did you hear, Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for his bithday.

He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read

 

Q What do you call a sheep tied to a lamppost in Cardiff ?

A A leisure centre

 

Q whats the definition of trust ?

A 2 Gay cannibals going down on each other

 

Q what do christmas trees and catholic priests have in common ?

A their balls are just for decoration

 

A New Zealand farmer takes his driving test...

" can you make a U-turn ? " asks the instuctor

" you betcha" the farmer replies " I can make its fucking eyes water "

 

Q whats 6 inches long ... and gets a BG excited ?

A A £50 note

 

Q why do Farts smell ?

A so the deaf can enjoy

 

Q Whats the difference between a british and an Iraqi soldier ?

Don't know ?

A Welcome to the United States Air Force!

 

Q how many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?

A 2..but how do they get in ?

 

Q What do you call a camel with 4 humps ?

A A Saudi Quattro

 

Q why did the pervert cross the road ?

A He couldn't get his dick out the chicken

 

Q why don't worms have balls ?

A because they can't dance

 

Q how do you castrate a catholic priest ?

A Kick the alter boy in the back of the head

 

Q what's the worst thing about being a test-tube baby ?

A You KNOW your dad's a wanker

 

Q why did the woman cross the road ?

A Never mind that...whats she doing out the Kitchen ?

 

Q where would you find a duck with no legs ?

A Where you left it

 

Q How can you tell if its your turn to do the washing up ?

A Look down..if you got a dick, its not your turn

 

Q what do men with 2 left feet wear to the beach ?

A flip-flips

 

Q what do 1 legged men wear to the beach ?

A flips

 

Q what do you call an Irish Lesbian ?

A Gaelic

 

And finally....

 

Q what do Americans use as contraception ?

A their personalities