Something from home

[Braveheart 0]

Subject: Newfie Moose License Application

 

NEWFIE MOOSE LICENCE APPLICATION FER NEXT YEAR

AREA 36

Dept. of Toorism & Culchur

Wildlife Part, 'Ealt Science Place

Sin Jon's, The Rock

 

WHO'S YOU? ________________________________________

WHERE YA LIVES: _____________________________________

IS YA A: B'Y______ GIRL ______ BOTH ______ UDDER ______

IF UDDER, WHAT KIND IS YA? __________________________

WHERE'D YA MUDDER 'AVE YA AT? ______________________

WHEN WAS DIS? _____________________________________

 

1. If ya lives out dis way, is ya on:

Pokey ___ Welfare ___ Project ___ Too lazy to get off yer arse ___

 

2. Do ya drink? ___

 

3. Ow' much?

Lots ___ By de gallons ___ Beef buckets full ___ Till ya passes out ___

 

4. What kind do ya drink?

'Ome brew ___ De bought stuff ___ Anyting ya gets ya hands on ___

 

5. Does ya stagger much? If ya do, when do ya?

Marnin ___ Evenin ___ Ya can't walk straight atal ___

 

6. Is ya a alkie? Yup ___ Nope ___ It's 'ard da say ___

 

7. Does ya go to AA? Yup ___ Nope ___ What de'ell is AA? ___

 

8. Does ya smoke de wacky backy? ____ If not, how come? ____________

 

9. Is poachin' a sin? ______ Fer 'oo? ________________

 

10. Does yer know what sex is? If ya does, when does ya git any?

All de time ___ Whenever ya kin git it ___ Not dat often b'y ___

 

11. 'Ow much money does ya 'ave? I's rotten in da stuff ___ A bit ___

Haven got a cent ___ None of yer bloody business ___

 

12. Does ya tink dat dis ting is too 'ard ta fill out?

Yup ___ Nope ___ Ya got someone else da fill it out fer ya ___

 

ANSWER DEM QUESTIONS UNNERNEAT TRU OR NOT

 

1. When dey runs, Bull Mooses got tree legs. Tru ___ Not ___

2. Out dis way, nobody shoots mooses when deys not spose ta. Tru ___ Not

___

3. Jawbones offa mooses is senta where dem people is starvin. Tru ___

Not

___

4. AIDS is one a dem 'Care Packs'. Tru ___ Not ___

5. Ye can shoot anyting longs ya got any kinda licence atall. Tru ___

Not

___

 

SEN DIS TA WHERE IT SAY TA ON TOP AN' MAKE SURE YA DOS BEFORE CHRISTMAS

DA NEXT YEAR. YA DON'T AVE TA SEN YER MONEY NOW, WAIT TILL YA GITS YER

LICENCE.