$100

[rhino 1]

A new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.

She said, "well, he was a big, muscular, handsome sailor."

 

"Well, what did he want to do?" They all asked.

 

She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn't have that much." So I told him that oral sex would be $75, but he didn't have that much either." "Finally I said, well how much do you have?"

 

The sailor said that he only had $25.

 

The new hooker said "well, for $25 all I can do is service you by hand." He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said "he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then a second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand."

 

"Oh my god!" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge!

 

Then what did you do?"

 

I loaned him $75!"

[joes3175 0]

Dark Closet

 

A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work.

 

Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.

 

Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in

the closet with the little boy.

 

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

 

The man says, "Yes it is."

 

Boy - "I have a baseball."

 

Man - "That's nice."

 

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

 

Man - "No, thanks."

 

Boy - "My dad's outside."

 

Man - "OK, how much?"

 

Boy - "$250."

 

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the

mom's lover are in the closet together.

 

Boy - "Dark in here."

 

Man - "Yes, it is."

 

Boy - "I have a baseball glove."

 

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

 

Boy - "$750."

 

Man - "Fine."

 

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove.

Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."

 

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

 

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

 

The son says "$1,000."

 

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends

like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

 

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and he closes the door.

 

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that sh!t again."

[Skallagrim 0]

Mommy, when we go to heaven, do we go feet first?

I don't now, why do you ask?

Well, yesterday when I came home from school, the maid

was laying on the kitchen table with her feet in the air, crying:

"Oh, god, oh god I am comming!"

And had not daddy been on top of her and holding her down, I am sure she would have gone!