Classic Gazza Moments

[soi two 1]

Some of the off field antics of Paul Gascoigne...

 

 

1) One hour after playing for England, met 'showbiz pals'

Danny Baker and Chris Evans in a Hampstead pub while still wearing his

full kit, boots included.

 

 

2) When asked for his nationality before an operation, told the nurse:

"Church Of England."

 

3) On a trip to London, jumped out of his car to demand "a go" on a

workman's pneumatic drill. After getting the go-ahead, happily pounded

the pavement to the amusement of shoppers.

 

4) On first meeting with Lazio's president to discuss his big-money move

to the Italian club, was quick to tell the esteemed gentleman that he

reminded him of Russ Abbot.

 

5) Organisers of Italia 90 TV coverage had the splendid idea of

augmenting team line-ups with footage of each player mouthing his own name.

Gascoigne's genius led him to subvert the process by, instead, mouthing

'f***ing w***ker.' Broadcasters across the world had to use it all the

way through the tournament.

 

6) Booked a series of sun-bed sessions for then-Newcastle team-mate Tony

Cunningham. Who, of course, is black.

 

7) Asked by a Norwegian camera crew if he had a message for England's

upcoming opponents, immediately responded with, "Yes. F**k off, Norway.

Then ran off laughing.

 

8) When asked for a footballing comment while at Lazio, burped

enthusiastically into a TV microphone. He was fined £39,000.

 

9) Decided it would be a great idea to have massive hair extensions.

Looked a fool and had them taken out a day later.

 

10) After paying for ex-wife Sheryl's implants, sent flowers to

the hospital after the operation addressed to 'Dolly Parton.'

 

11) Astounded commuters in London by jumping on a double-decker in

London's Piccadilly Circus and asking if he could have a drive. The bus

driver said yes, and the passengers thoroughly enjoyed Gazza's impromptu

performance.

 

12) Sent a rose to the Wimbledon dressing room for Vinnie Jones after

the infamous ball-squeezing incident. Got a toilet brush in return.

 

13) Set up best mate Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner with a 'girl' he knew

to be a transvestite.

 

14) Has taken the p*** out of refs constantly during his career. On one

occasion he sniffed a hapless ref's armpit while he was holding his hand

high to signal a free kick.

 

15) While attempting to deflect the 'kebab controversy' which spelled

the beginning of the end of his England career, assured reporters that

his doner munching antics following Middlesbrough's promotion to the

Premiership would in no way affect his fitness before France 98. One reporter asked:

"What do you feel like now?" Back came the inevitable response: "I fee l like

a kebab with onions".

 

16) Celebrated his new-found hero status after flying home from Italia

90 by wearing a huge pair of fake plastic boobs and stomach bearing the

legend 'Gazza.'

 

17) On meeting the president of Denmark's FA, pretended he could speak

Danish. When invited to demonstrate, imitated The Muppet Show's Swedish

Chef.

 

18) Conned Five Bellies into eating a mince pie after he'd scraped out

the filling and replaced it with cat excrement.

 

19) Walked into the Middlesbrough canteen wearing nothing but his

training socks and ordered lunch.

 

20) Paid £320 for a Mars Bar in a newsagents in his home town of

Dunston, then told the shop owner to spend the change on sweets for

local kids.

 

21) Whilst dining in the prestigious Bedford Arms Hotel in Woburn with a

few of his Geordie mates, decided to place his erect member on the

shoulder of a diner at the next table. Thinking someone had tapped him on the

shoulder the gentleman turned his head only to have Gazza's helmet prod him in

the cheek.

 

 

22) Took a documentary team to a beautiful Scottish cottage which he

informed them was his new place, pretended he'd forgotten his key and

knocked instead. When the door opened, told the befuddled housewife

inside that he was doing a telly advert and wanted to know if she

preferred Daz or Omo.

 

23) Crashed Middlesbrough's team bus at the club's training ground and

caused £310,000 worth of damage.

 

24) While at Rangers, urinated over sleeping team-mate Richard Gough.

 

25) Handed £1000 over to Jimmy Five Bellies after betting that the burly

boozer couldn't withstand a cigarette lighter's heat on the bridge of

his nose for five seconds. Jimmy could. Twice.

 

26) After briefly giving up drinking, was advised to find a new

interest. Picked bingo.

 

27) Bought a £1000 robot and programmed it to travel into Jimmy Five

Bellies' room at Gazza Towers and announce: "Make a cup of tea, fat

man."

 

28) Was banned from Liverpool's Cream nightclub in advance within days

of joining Everton last summer, because the Evertonians who own the

place wanted him to avoid temptation and stay fit.

 

29) When Gazza signed for Spurs in 1988, he came down to finalise the

deal with a bunch of his Geordie mates. They took over the posh hotel in

Hadley Wood where Spurs were footing the bill and wreaked havoc. Gazza

met then-chairman Irving Scholar and began talks by saying, "We'd like to

thank you for the best three days of our lives."

 

30) Was asked to leave West Lodge Park Hotel in London after guests were

treated to the sight of a naked Five Bellies swimming across the duck

pond.

 

31) Recorded a video message for a corporate party and signed off with a

cheery "Happy Christmas, you f***ing w***ers."

 

32) Greeted reporters in Rome by standing up, asking for silence, then

farting at ear-splitting volume.

 

33) Told an interviewer that he was so superstitious about the number 13

that he couldn't ever bear to see the numbers 4 and 9 together.

Oddly, the combination of 5 and 8 was deemed OK.

 

34) After being sent off while playing for Lazio, shook hands with

virtually every member of the Genoa side.

 

35) While staying in a New Zealand hotel, was told there was no bacon

for breakfast. Replied, "What, all the sheep in this country and there's

no bloody bacon!

[AussieG 0]

You forgot about the time he was warned about the religious connotations that feigning to play the flute carried in Glasgow. It is an anti-catholic act. Or pro-protestant to be more accurate.

 

Proceeded to warm up, while a substitute, in an Old Firm game in front of the Celtic support and carry out the above act.

 

The guy really was a tool, and I am a diehard Rangers fan.

 

Or the time he put deep heat in team mate Ian Ferguson's underwear prior to a training session meaning he had to endure the immense burning pain for the entire session.

[soi two 1]

AussieG, Gazza has done a few daft things in his time. Getting sent off in the first fifteen minutes against Borussia Dortmund in a Champions League game springs to mind for one.

 

Flute playing incident ... well yeah. Not defending that one. Although he was warming up to chants of 'wife beating bastard'.

 

Just a collection of the happier Gazza moments here !

[stewieg 1]

I've seen this email before and thought he was an idiot but I read his book and he claims at the end a lot of this is not true. I must admit I thought his book was very candid and a good read. I read it in 5 days which is unusual for me reading a 400 plus pages book that quick. He was a talented footballer who let it go to his head and was easily led into doing some things he'd rather forget about but still had a ball doing them. I think the press led him on as well, always expecting him to do something daft and he rarely disappointed.

[torrenova 644]

Not the sharpest tool in the box but a flawed genius.