Nightmarch

[PattayaPete 530]

Game On: If you read this early enough then you might like to head down to the Boxing Roo (Third Road, opposite Soi Chaiyapoon) on Wednesday afternoon 16 June to watch the second game of the rugby league State of Origin series between New South Wales and Queensland. The first game, held in Brisbane, went to the home side 25-18, so NSW has it all to play for in this second match. The third and final game will take place on Wednesday 7 July. The Boxing Roo is a great venue to watch the game with always a good crowd of one-eyed Queensland supporters, known quite correctly as cane toads, and more level-headed NSW fans. Go the Blues! For quizaholics, the Boxing Roo has become the new venue for the Fawlty Towers Wednesday night team following the sale and then sudden demise of that establishment down in Soi 7. Follow the Man in the Propeller Helmet:

 

Crawling the town: Every Thursday evening interested members of the web board of the FLB lounge lizard libation room (Walking Street) spend a few hours wandering about like one of the lost tribes of Israel visiting a pre-determined circuit of up to seven places offering thirst-quenching facilities.

 

It is possible for the odd ring-in to join this adult version of a school excursion to the petting zoo, and on a recent Thursday I accompanied a group of about 20 males keen to study the architectural layouts of six dens of the chrome pole. This night happened to be a once-a-month tour where the dens to be visited offered a two-libations-for-the-price-of-one to the FLB visitors, except during happy hour.

 

On this night all the places earmarked for a visit were on, or close to, Walking Street, although I’m old they regularly take groups to beer boozers and dens away from the centre of action: Soi 8, Soi 7, Soi 2 and the like. According to Hammer, the owner of the popular Cherry beer boozer (Soi , these groups can have up to 40 people, a tough task to co-ordinate. For Hammer and Rambling Ricky, the manager of FLB, these excursions can be more like hard work than simple fun.

 

The first den of call was New Living Dolls 1 during happy hour. Libations were just 45 baht and the place was reasonably busy. Plenty of attractive dancing damsels were on deck, many unabashedly showing off two or more of their best assets. Management were apologetic, saying their show girls were yet to make an appearance. I don’t think they would have been any more attractive than the best of the ‘ordinary’ dancers. After about 40 minutes of this visual torture we were taken across the road into Sweethearts.

 

This is more a table-dancing venue, with good music. It was still happy hour so thirst quenchers were just 55 baht. The damsels are a friendly lot and while they lack the quality of many of the longer-established places it’s a place well worth a visit. Then it was on to Club Boesche, down in Soi 16. I noticed there’s been a recruitment drive since my last visit and with enough dancers now on the books the upstairs see-through glass floor is once again seeing the patter of gyrating feet. As usual the Jacuzzi was the most popular spot for many punters who fancy themselves as amateur gynaecologists.

 

Fourth stop was Coyotee’s in Soi Marina Plaza. The music was standard car alarm but there were plenty of dancers including one with more metal studs in a very delicate and generally covered part of her anatomy than a pin cushion. I couldn’t help wondering how she’d get through a metal detector at an airport. The motley crew, starting to resemble a Chinese tour group led by a man with a whistle, then wandered into the Dollhouse. As if to emphasise just how quiet Fun Town is right now, Dollhouse had plenty of dancing damsels but customers were thin on the ground.

 

The sixth and final port of call was the Tahitian Queen II den in Soi BJ. Talk about a quantum leap in quality. For years TQ II was more of a locals hangout than a place to go checking out ‘talent’, the dancers being just a useful distraction rather than the main event. Under its new management the quality of dancer has improved and as Rambling Ricky noted with his eyes fixed firmly on the les-be-friends show, “TQ II has come of age.”

 

Around and About: The ogling den in Center Condo, Blue Lagoon, has recently undergone a name change to Wet N Wild after the original Scandinavian owner apparently was forced to relinquish his share in the struggling establishment. I’m led to believe he still has full control of Blue Lagoon II, situated at the rear of the Best Friend complex on Beach Road.

 

As low season really kicks in, the task of luring the limited supply of customers through the doors becomes of paramount concern and the long-established Champion ogling den (Walking Street) has followed the lead of New Living Dolls 1 and reduced its bar fine for dancing damsels to 300 baht, after 2:00AM. Draught amber fluid is being at 50 baht all night and, sensibly, so is lolly water.

 

Club Oasis ogling den (Soi Buakhow) continues to go from strength to strength and is now open from 1:00PM every day. I’m told plans are under way to also offer very cheap, basic food for customers who may feel hungry for more than just eye candy. Around the corner, the Bowling Green (Soi X-Zyte) is operating under restricted hours during the low season, basically opening when they know they’re going to be reasonably busy. My understanding is the Bowling Green is open most Tuesdays and Thursdays and a couple of other afternoons and nights as well.

 

Wandered into the Tim ogling den (Second Road) for a look and, as expected, not a lot has changed in recent times. The place is still darker than a camel jockey’s armpit, the music is good rock and roll, if a bit dated, and it has more staff than dancers. Allowing for the dim lighting and lack of proximity, I did think Tim had a better collection of chrome pole huggers than the last time I went in.

 

The Fantasia shows-r-us-boys-den (Soi 15) has apparently been closed down, at least for the duration of the low season. Mainly staffed by the gender-confused, Fantasia seems to do well with Chinese and Russian tour groups, but as these are thin on the ground right now the management (who also have the successful What’s Up ogling den next door) have decided to cut costs and close.

 

One of Fun Town’s longest-running ogling dens, Honey (Walking Street), has closed its doors. Is this to be the first of many during this low season I wonder? If it is I’m only surprised it’s one of the first to go, as it wasn’t the worst place around.

 

The aptly-named Club Insomnia late-night boogie barn (Soi Marina Plaza) is doing a roaring trade in the hours between 3:00AM and after sparrow fart. This is what I’m told as the hours this place keeps are way past my bed time. I guess there really are people who come to Fun Town for dancing and drinking rather than the pursuit of nocturnally satisfying horizontal happy endings.

 

Earlier in the night, Lucifer’s head-banging club on Walking Street continues to pack them in with its combination of live band at the front and the disco at the back. It’s a great place to watch the passing parade on the street. One regular visitor to the fleshpots of Fun Town told me he prefers trawling a joint like Lucifer’s for his late-night female companionship as most of the freelancers don’t ask the same silly prices for an evening of playing hide-the-salami as their chrome pole molesting cousins. He also claims they tend to be better lights-out performers.

 

According to a recent news report the local plod arrested a number of people who use live animals and reptiles as a prop to entice tourists to have their photos taken with these creatures. Many years ago I had a photo taken of myself by a vendor with a python wrapped around my shoulders. I didn’t mind; I’m not sure what the python made of it all. I used to see people with monkeys and iguanas, proffering them as photo opportunities and never thought much about it. Animals and reptiles belong in jungles, not on the streets of Pattaya and I would urge anyone who reads this column to please refrain from giving succour to this trade and refuse to have your photo taken with these poor animals.

 

A new English-language radio station is now well and truly up and running with an apparently strong signal across most of Fun Town. Badged as PCNFM 105 it is on air 24-hours a day, seven days a week and plays classic songs from the late 1960s onwards as well as the best of the latest modern music. There’s no Thai music or rap, trance, house, hip-hop, garage, dustbin, or whatever other name car alarm goes by these days. It is operated by the same people who run the Pattaya City News channel. For more information just send an email to cnfm@hotmail.com">pcnfm@hotmail.com

 

Piece of Pith: In Pattaya one must never let a foolish girl kiss you and never let a girlish kiss fool you. (Rae Lambert, artist and cartoonist)