Picco's Comedy Page

[Picco01 0]

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'

 

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

 

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'

[pcdodger 2]

QUOTE

'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'

 

 

Sounds like something one of the Beach Road ladyboy`s might say

[Obsession 571]

Nice one.

[Picco01 0]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Obsession 571]

Excellent stuff

[Picco01 0]

Glad u enjoyed it mate.

 

Picco

[Picco01 0]

Indian Student

 

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

 

The teacher said,

"Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

 

Who said

"Give me Liberty , or give me Death"?

 

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:

 

"Patrick Henry, 1775"

he said.

 

"Very good!"

 

Who said

"Government of the People, by the People, for the People,

shall not perish from the Earth?"

 

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar.

 

"Abraham Lincoln, 1863"

said Chandrasekhar.

 

The teacher snapped at the class,

"Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."

 

She heard a loud whisper:

"F -- k the Indians,"

 

"Who said that?" she demanded.

 

 

 

 

Chandrasekhar put his hand up.

 

"General Custer, 1862."

 

At that point, a student in the back said,

"I'm gonna puke."

 

The teacher glares around and asks

"All right! Now, who said that?"

 

Again, Chandrasekhar says,

"George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

 

Now furious, another student yells,

"Oh yeah? S -- k this!"

 

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher ,

"Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

 

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said

"You little s -- t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."

 

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice,

" Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him - 2004."

 

The teacher fainted.

And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said,

"Oh s -- t, we're f ---- d!"

 

And Chandrasekhar said quietly,

 

I think it was George Bush, Iraq , 2007."

[Obsession 571]

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

 

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

 

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

 

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

 

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and

he shares his. She listens.

 

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

 

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

 

'No,' she replies. . .

 

 

 

She says:

'You just happened to catch my eye.'

 

(Oh shut up, and just forward it!) Groan

[Picco01 0]

Thanx for the contribution Obsession.

 

Picco