Australian rules of manhood

[Eneukman 1]

I received this by e-mail (from an American girl). Thought it was good.  ;D ;D ;D

 

Alan

 

The Australian Rules of Manhood (virtually identical to "American Rules of Manhood")

 

Read and weep......

 

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

 

It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

c. After wrecking your boss' car.

d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

e. When she is using her teeth

 

Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten

by

his mates.

 

Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of

jail

within 12 hours.

 

If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits

forever,

unless you actually marry her.

 

Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.

Complain

at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

 

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In

fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

 

On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

 

When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the

score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

 

You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to

climax.

If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent

entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

 

It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning

on a

tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's

free.

 

Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick

another bloke in the nuts.

 

Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

 

Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

 

If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

 

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until

they

demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the

other

sports watchers.

 

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober

enough to fight.

 

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but

not

both - that's just mean.

 

If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his

choice of beer.

 

Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a Mate of yours, except if

she's withholding s*x pending your response.

 

Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

 

Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: Both

urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost

imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

 

Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you

are

able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if

necessary.

 

The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have

carnal

drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no

reason

not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

 

It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to

drive

yours.

 

Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange

or

sky blue.

 

The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with

"If

you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2.

 

END OF STORY!!

[landy2a 0]

Not bad Alan although this must be the American version.

 

AUSSIES do not flatulate, they FART and do it extremley well.

 

 

 

John

[Eneukman 1]

John,

 

I think you're right about this being the American version as it was sent to me by an American.

 

Alan