m62man

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE - What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £2000. Morning-suit rental-£100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier. NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale . BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing .

Why is abbreviate such a long word?

Drinking non-alcoholic beer is a bit like licking your sister out.....it tastes the same, but it just isn't right,somehow.

Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant. Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker. Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here! The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him. Dave: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living? Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession Dave: - Oh? What's that then? Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ..... Do you have a goldfish at home? Dave: - Er ... mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens! Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it? Dave: - It's in a pond! Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then? Dave: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden. Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house? Dave: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ... built it myself! Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family? Dave: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children. Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis? Dave: - Yep! Five times a week! Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often? Dave: - Do what? Not me, mate! Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work! Dave: - How's that then? Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life! Dave: - I see! That's pretty impressive. Thanks mate! Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate. Stuart: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does? Dave: - Yep! He's a logical scientist! Stuart: - What's that then? Dave: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish? Stuart: - Nope Dave: - Well then, you're a wanker

My Business Class flights for Xmas 2007 cost £1471.66 with Qatar

I did telephone but the woman who answered didn't speak English and there was apparently no-one else there to speak to me. I tried to send another e-mail with BT but that bounced too. However, I have now found somewhere else to stay and booked, so the problem is resolved. Thanks for your input.

I get this:- Hi. This is the qmail-send program at yahoo.com. I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses. This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out. <info@tigglebittiestavern.com>: 70.86.72.242 does not like recipient. Remote host said: 550-"The recipient cannot be verified. Please check all recipients of this 550 message to verify they are valid." Giving up on 70.86.72.242. --- Below this line is a copy of the message. Return-Path: <stevelancs@yahoo.co.uk> Received: (qmail 97084 invoked by uid 60001); 22 May 2007 09:56:14 -0000 DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; q=dns; c=nofws; s=s1024; d=yahoo.co.uk; h=Message-ID:Received:X-Mailer:Date:From:Subject:To:MIME-Version:Content-Type; b=xy/j0vg1FnOMY34lqUGxsguDJQ1/888eSH4UFW1bApH90Bi/hOeacKpYty7PrpPbVpNNtKKd0m4LaqpS4CSKrXFcNBgKe4DDgxYwhG9VyYTalZZwIhzy04/8RW1nE2PwoG0D+WRTwiwEUfe6VByEMxY+mAh1WLnFWyzfHRaGGYs= ; Message-ID: <20070522095614.97082.qmail@web28110.mail.ukl.yahoo.com> Received: from [81.137.232.159] by web28110.mail.ukl.yahoo.com via HTTP; Tue, 22 May 2007 09:56:14 GMT X-Mailer: YahooMailRC/651.23.1 YahooMailWebService/0.7.41.10 Date: Tue, 22 May 2007 09:56:14 +0000 (GMT) From: steve lancs <stevelancs@yahoo.co.uk> Subject: Contact To: info@tigglebittiestavern.com MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="0-1363711661-1179827774=:95406" --0-1363711661-1179827774=:95406 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ascii Dear Sirs, Can you please acknowledge this e-mail. I am having difficulty contacting you. ___________________________________________________________ Yahoo! Answers - Got a question? Someone out there knows the answer. Try it now. http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/ --0-1363711661-1179827774=:95406 Content-Type: text/html; charset=ascii Any ideas?

I stayed at Mind Ressort last Xmas and visited Tigglebitties a few times. They had recently added some very nice rooms and the rates were good. I am trying to book 16 nights over Xmas and New Year. However, the e-mail address on the leaflet they gave me and on the web-site doesn't work. Does anybody have the correct address, please. The web site is http://www.tigglebittiestavern.com/

I am looking to fly to BKK on the 22nd December and return on the 9th Jan 2008. I have looked high and low and can't find anything cheaper than £1729.60 with Etihad or £1442.80 with Qatar. This doesn't include a limo so far as I am aware. When I looked again at cheaptickets.com it turns out that they add a lump (about £25) for posting the tickets from the US, so they are more expensive than Opodo in view of that extra charge.

A big thank you for all for the replies, and especially flighty...it's these little details that can mean so much! However, having now tried to find the deal I thought I had made a careful note of, it has disappeared. It seems likely that I confused myself considerably, because there are no flights anywhere near the low figure in my first post. Having juggled around with dates I now find that the cheapest is Quatar at £1442, then Etihad at £1729. Sorry to trouble you again, but is Etihad worth the extra £300? The times for both flights are similar, both without long stop-overs. Thanks, Steve

I am going to book early for Xmas 2007 and have been looking around for cheap flights from Manchester. Etihad seem to be very competative, but I have always flown Emirates before and been impressed with them. Has anybody tried them? Are they ok? I had to book one leg of my trip -Dubai to BKK -Business Class last year due to leaving it too late, and having been spoiled by the extra seat space and legroom, I am thinking of doing the whole trip Busines Class this time and again Etihad seem relatively cheap (1673 USD) Also, cheaptickets.com seems a good site. What do you think?

When I visited Sri Lanka a couple of years ago, and again when I was in Malaysia, I noticed that there were a lot of Agencies advertising for Nannys and domestic helpers to work abroad. Has anybody thought about hiring a nice young lady in this way to look after one in Blighty, or elsewhere? I have room in my mansion for a maid and could provide food and lodging and a small income for some sweet young thing in return for the normal wifely duties...Washing, Ironing, Fucking, Etc.. Could it be done? Would a change of tartlet every 6 months or so with Air-fares paid be aceptable, do you think?