The English Patient

Steveo Consequent to the challange that you set me some weeks ago I have spent quite some time studying the form of the horses in your upcoming big races next month namely the Caulfield Cup, Cox Plate and Melbourne Cup. From the Euro aspect my suggestion would be Bandari (80/1) in the Caulfield Cup into Westerner (25/1) in the Melbourne Cup. Stick with your own mare Makyebe Diva in the Cox Plate and keep her safe in the Cup if she starts. Another in the Melb Cup worth a small interest is an ex Euro Hugs Dancer also at 80/1 and for old times sake as you are obviously a lover of all things Thai Soi Cowboy at 200/1. Best of luck and looking forward to many golf games with you in November. English

Dodgy The programme sounds great - count me in for all the events. I would like to join the England team for the texas scramble. I like that game because the other players in the team can do all the work! I see there are a lot of English guys in the RideHer Cup so I would like to be the captain of a 3 man English team. I invite Deuce and Pieman to be in my team. See you on the first tee. Let's stick it up that bastard dodgy and the other sweaties! I like the sounds of the skins game - who wants to play me for a few hundred baht? See you all on 1st November. I will be bringing my Thai girlfriend if that's all right. English

Dodgy Here is a picture of me that proves I am not a short fat bloke. Mine's a bottle of Chivas Regal! Let's not fall out over your insult. I am happy to bury the hatchet if you are. English

Steve O Don't worry too much if you can't play golf every day. Thumper and Softrabbit are already up for a game so I will just let you know what days we are playing and then we can arrange to meet if you want to play. I am still upset about that doghaus calling me a short fat bloke and I am waiting for an apology. There's no need for that. I like a bit of horse racing I do so I'll have a look at the entries. I didn't know you had horse racing in Australia....I thought you had your hands full learning about rugby and cricket. If we do get a winner in this cup thngy, why would you want to spend it on a cellphone? Pieman - I'll be in Pattaya from 31st October to 15th November. You can join me, Softrabbit and Thumper for golf if you like. Maybe you can come on the days when Steve O isn't playing? How does the skins game work and do we all have to wear dresses? Is $100 really 100 baht? Looking at your flag I see you are a Thai national so I think you mean 100 baht. Why are you called Pieman? I have never seen a Thai person eating a pie. Can you get pork pies in Thailand because I like them? I am up for a drink with you - I have a bit of a reputation for being able to drink most people under the table! . What do you normally drink in Pattaya? Last man standing pays the bill...OK? I can't wait to meet you all!

You are a very friendly bunch of golfers! I have already had a messge from Thumper inviting me to play golf with him. I look forward to meeting him and his friends. Thanks for that Thumper. Dodgy - I think you are very insulting to Steve O and me. First of all you call me a "short fat bloke" and then you tell Steve O off. I might be under 6 foot with a bit of a gut but there's no need for the insults. You are probably a short arsed tight fisted Scottish git..... so there! And I know all about the rope in the bar - some bastard already pulled that stunt on me last time. I rang the bell 3 times and it cost me about 12,000 baht. I still didn't make any new friends I hope I don't have to be on your golfing group during my holiday or I might be forced to shove a five iron up your ugly Scottish arse. Steve O - I am happy to have you as my new friend and thanks for your welcome. I am from a Village called London and how did you know I like a bit of porn . I have bought some good DVD's the last time I was in Pattaya - there isn't a lot of censorship is there? I am looking forward to golfing with an Australian - I will be free most days so let's play together every day. I usually remember if I write things down See you in Pattaya - new friends

Hello Mr Doghaus I am new to this forum and I am interested in playing golf in Pattaya. I have been to Pattaya 3 times before and have enjoyed playing the golf courses. But it is always a problem finding golf partners because I come to Pattaya on my own. It is very boring playing on your own - it is much better to have people to talk to. I will be in Pattaya from 31st October to 15th November so I would like to play in the RideHer Cup. Can I please enter this competition? I have an official club handicap of 28 so I hope that I wont need to wear a dress! I am not sure about my shirt size. I am not very tall but I have a big fat gut so what size do you think I will need? I would like to play on other days as well. Are there some of the members of this forum who would like to play some golf with me on other days? It would be nice to have some company on the golf course for a change. I look forward to meeting a lot of golfers when I am in Pattaya and I hope I can make some new friends. I am called The English Patient because I sometimes have problems with my memory. Nothing serious. There are some golf holes where I lose count of the number of strokes I take but that is where caddies are very useful. I sometimes forget other things as well like names of people so please forgive me if I don't remember all the time.