Nightmarch 1 September 2004

[PattayaPete]

A Plastic Raincoat and a Bag of Lollies: From the first day a clutch of U.S. Marines managed to get lost and rattle into the little fishing village that was then Pattaya, to the present when whole convoys of diesel-belching tour buses full of goggle-eyed north Asian vacationers clog the narrow streets of the international city, the world’s media has generally looked down its collective noses.

 

Whole column inches of reportage appear pruriently engaged in fostering an image of a city awash with the kind of people who have given plastic raincoats a bad name. That your average garden-variety paedophile is attracted to Pattaya is not in question; only a fool would suggest otherwise. The vast majority of ex-pat residents and regular visitors to Fun Town have nothing but contempt for those who would normally be found lurking outside primary schools in plastic raincoats with a bag of lollies in their pocket.

 

Now the distaff side of the gene pool is getting in on the act, not with children, but with the Thai men. A friend of mine, recently returned from the Land of Enlarged Crumpet, gave me a copy of a story that appeared in the 16 August edition of the Daily Mirror. It loudly proclaimed ‘The British girls who pay Thai boys for no-strings sex’. Included in the piece were a few short interviews with British women aged from 19 to 50 who happily come here and cough up a few baht to take a Thai man back for a night of horizontal folk dancing. The article used the phrase ‘dirty old men’ in the banner at the top of the piece and the word ‘sleazy’ managed to appear three times. The only reason the word paedophile didn’t receive a run was probably because the article featured British women paying for sex with Thai boys and not British men.

 

One day the foreign media will wake up and understand Saint Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274) who is quoted as saying: “Prostitution in the towns is like the cesspool in the palace. Do away with the cesspool, and the palace becomes an unclean and stinking place.”

 

Children of a Lesser God: On Sunday 12 September the next Care For Kids Children’s Fair will be held, followed on 18 September by the Care For Kids Pub Night at Shenanigans (Second Road, right next door to Royal Garden). As per usual, Shenanigans landlord Kim Fletcher has been closely involved in the organisation of the event. Most regulars will have noticed by now the fawn-coloured wall that’s been erected in front of the popular alehouse. I haven’t been able to determine if it’s been constructed in the hope of preventing an attack by urban terrorists or by competitors hoping to hide the existence of the boozer.

 

Get a Tiger in Your Tank: Filling the vacuum created by the departure of Carlsberg is the Singapore-based Tiger amber fluid. In just a short couple of months the new word on the lips of many amber nectar imbibers is “Tiger” where before it was “Daft Carsberg”. The brown liquid is being brewed in Nonthaburi and is quite cheap. Thai Asia Pacific Brewery, who also produces Heineken for the local market, is apparently aiming at making further inroads into Singha’s dominance. From my own observations of those who enjoy a beer or 20, the Tiger brand is proving very popular.

 

A Taxing Subject: One of the most enjoyable aspects of my recent trip to England and France was the amount of good quality red wine I managed to pour down my parched throat. And the prices of the bottles were not outlandish, even allowing for the conversion (in my tiny mind) to Thai baht. Sadly, here in the Land of Rotgut Drinkers, the price of Australian wine, for example, is unlikely to drop much despite the fact the Thai-Australian Free Trade Agreement is due to kick off at the beginning of 2005. The agreement will only see a lowering of import tariffs, but the same method of adding the import duty (albeit reduced) to the excise duty to the sales tax to the VAT and so on, so I’m led to believe, will serve to keep the price of the delectable grape higher than it should be. I long for the day when a senior Thai politician or businessperson with behind-the-scenes clout decides to purchase a quality overseas vineyard or three. Then we might see a significant reduction in the taxes we wine lovers have to endure. Until then, another Tiger please.

 

Like a Bat out of Hell: One of my friends claims the draft amber in the Tim ogling den (Second Road) is just about the best in Fun Town. “It’s always cold, has a great taste and is good value,” he says. Hard to argue, especially on the last point, as it’s flogged off at just 50 baht a glass. The music is always good although I do think it’s about time management spent a few baht of their profits and invested in a few new music videos. I don’t know whether it’s the time of night I happen to go in, but I have yet to come away without hearing a selection of Meatloaf songs, particularly ‘Bat Out of Hell’ and ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Light’. Considering the poor lighting inside the chrome pole part of the boozer, ‘Bat Out of Hell’ could easily pass for their theme tune. I like these songs but, as the Spicy Girls management has proved, there are hundreds of music videos available for purchase. I only hope they don’t rush out and purchase a music video version of ‘Hotel California’.

 

What Price to Rock Your World? It’s been creeping in gradually over the past few years, but now it seems as though price fixing has been introduced almost across the board in many ogling dens, and no doubt in some beer boozers.

 

A few friends and I were having a pleasant libation or three in an off-Walking Street ogling den when one of the senior hostesses (or possibly the mamasan, I’m not sure) wandered over and handed me a written sheet that read: ‘Short time bar 600, room 200, lady 1,000; Long time Bar 500, Lady 2,000’. Now, apart from the fact this is blatantly illegal (after all, prostitution is banned in Thailand) it takes away all the fun of haggling.

 

Around and About: I’m told the Las Vegas beer boozer in the Jomtien Complex is doing good business. It’s been amazing to watch an area like the Jomtien Complex go from being a white elephant with more shuttered doors than a warehouse storage facility to being a hub of fine dining and boozing in the space of less than 12 months.

 

Another example of greed and avarice overcoming common sense. The Kennel beer boozer, situated in the lane between Pattayaland Soi 1 and 2, has moved. About two metres to the left. It’s my understanding the lease on the premises came due and the owner virtually doubled the rent, despite having a good long-term tenant in Scootish Dave. Luckily he had purchased the vacant Don Dero beer boozer in January 2003, so he refused his landlord’s attempt at financial gouging, shut up shop, and moved his operation next door. The ‘old’ Kennel is still looking for a new dog to fleece (or should that be fleas?).

 

The site of the former Giligin’s ogling den (Pattayaland Soi 1) has been refurbished and is now open as a beer boozer named Nancy’s. It’s right next door to the Cockwell Inn, which I think has an inventive play-on-words sign above the entry.

The OK Corral beer boozer, short-order noshery, golfing emporium and intelligent persons quizzing collective, now operating from its new premises in Soi Rungland (off South Pattaya Road) has dropped the price of its amber libations to just 50 baht all day, all night. Of course, as mine host Denis The Menace stated, “This doesn’t include bitter.”

 

The Honey ogling den (Walking Street) opens at 7:30PM with a happy hour that runs until 9:30PM and, sensibly in my limited view, offers both draught amber fluid and lolly water at 50 baht.

 

Also down in Walking Street, the Hooty’s ogling den has started opening its doors to the paying public at 3:00PM and in the hope of enticing punters through the portals has bottled amber and top-shelf liver wasters at 75 baht, as well as a two for one offer on house liver wasters for the same price. The happy hour runs until 7:30PM. Hooty’s, as well as its sister den Club Electric Blue, has engaged the services of the former manager of the now-closed G-Spot dine and dash establishment (Second Road).

 

There’s no truth in the rumour the owners of the Blind Beggar Sierra Tango den in Soi Wat Boom Boom, Jomtien are planning to open a similar establishment in Sunee Plaza to be called the Blind Bugger.

[Babepecker]

One day the foreign media will wake up and understand Saint Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274) who is quoted as saying: “Prostitution in the towns is like the cesspool in the palace. Do away with the cesspool, and the palace becomes an unclean and stinking place.”

 

You optimist, you...

 

 

Thanx

 

 

[PattayaPete]

one

[Babepecker]

one

PattayaPete,

what do you mean?