Nightmarch

[PattayaPete 530]

Dance Contest and gogo news

 

Time to Get Iced: On Wednesday night 20 July the Jupiter’s gogo (Pattayaland Soi 2) will be holding a Miss Blue Ice contest, sponsored by the people who brew an amber fluid going by the name Blue Ice; hence the name of the contest. At the time of writing I have no further details, but if past experiences in Planet Rock, the former name of Jupiter’s, are anything to go by then it should be worth sticking your head in.

 

Contests Made in the Heat of the Night: The popular and usually pretty regular in-house Diamond gogo (Soi Diamond, off Walking Street) dance contests are always well-patronised and the July version will take place on Sunday 24th. The chrome poles will be polished to a spotless lustre in readiness for a 9:30PM start with the ultimate victor pursing five grey notes. Shameless Plug: for those with no idea what to expect a little colour booklet with pictures of previous dance contests, entitled Dance Fever, can be purchased from bookstores such as DK in Soi Post Office and Central Pattaya Road for just 195 baht (or not much more than two drinks in Diamond).

 

Tale of Three Dens: There are people suggesting this current low season is one of the quietest on record and from pure empirical observation I’d be inclined to say they’re not far off the mark. On a recent very quiet Thursday evening I wandered around Walking Street in my usual aimless fashion (in more civilised countries I’d be arrested either for loitering with intent or vagrancy), starting off in the Champion gogo and then sauntering into The Dollhouse.

 

Whether the rumours about Champion closing up are true or not, management has managed to recruit a pretty decent crop of chrome pole molesters, especially compared to a few months ago. After about 7:30PM some of the lasses seem to have an urge to disport themselves of all attire bar their boots and with happy hour operational until 9:00PM it’s worth at least a look. Prices during that time are 35 baht for draught amber and 50 baht for all other refreshments.

 

Across the road in The Dollhouse, with a happy hour also running until 9:00PM, there are plenty of dancing maidens and these too are generally easy on the eye, especially when some of them clearly find the stage a little warm around the region of the chest and find a need to loosen their tops. The sign out front offers ‘all well drinks at 45 baht’, which begs the question, “What price unwell drinks?”.

 

Sadly, in the case of both dens, low season is biting. In Champion there were less than 10 customers at any one time in the half-hour or so I was there while The Dollhouse fared even worse with no more than six people inside. This is not to say that come 10 or 11PM both places aren’t packed, but at that time of the evening (7:30-9:00PM) you wonder where everyone has gone.

 

The answer is Happy (and Peppermint, Carousel and a couple of others). After the terminal paucity of bum warmers in Champion and The Dollhouse, the Happy gogo was at least 60 percent full. Their happy hour runs until 9:00PM with almost every libation just 45 baht and, as has always been the case with Happy, the stage is full of generally well-endowed veterans of the chrome pole, most of whom know how to do more than just shuffle. In short, the place has more atmosphere than a lot of other chrome pole palaces and it’s really no surprise to find it almost constantly busy.

 

A Roll of the Dice: The Soi Diamond area of Walking Street has become the central hub (a term much in favour with the current government) of entertainment involving lasses whose job description involves chrome poles and tiny bikinis. Rumours suggest another venue will be opening its doors in a few weeks in the laneway leading to Pratamnak Road. To be called the Casino Club it will feature table and stage dancers of the style seen in Thai-frequented places like Hollywood Disco (off South Pattaya Road) and X-Zyte (Third Road). The aim of the new place is to attract the overflow from nightclubs such as Lucifer’s (Walking Street) and appeal to both Thais as well as foreigners.

 

More Erections: As one beer booze bar complex succumbs to a lack of custom or the developers bulldozers, you can bet another row of boozers will be opening elsewhere. Down along re-developed Soi 6/1 there is construction that looks suspiciously like it will finish up being a series of beer bars, as opposed to a set of gazebos without a view, and a set of a six or so beer bars are just about completed behind the New Plaza structure (opposite Soi 8 on Second Road). Will there be a rush by the desperate-to-stay-here brigade to purchase their own piece of paradise and make a small fortune? Given past experience the queues will probably start at Beach Road.

 

The Word for Tonight is ‘Cellulite’: Although mindful that once away from the fleshpots of Walking Street any judgement of an gogo should be tempered with the knowledge one is looking at the second division, there are times when a Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Customers’ Eyesight would not go astray. One such example is the Hot & Cold chrome pole palace (Soi Post Office), which has been going successfully for many years, but on my last visit I thought I’d wandered into an anti-cellulite clinic. It is just possible- if you believe in reincarnation- that some of the chrome pole huggers could well have posed as the subject’s for William Hogarth’s painting Harlot’s Progress back in 1732.

 

I wanted to ask one lady if she enjoyed horse riding, but thought she might take this as some kind of invitation; I have more respect for horses. Mind you, the damsels are a friendly lot many of who wander about the den in search of missing bikini tops.

The music is quite different from any other den in town, both in terms of material played (bubblegum from the 1960s and 70s) and decibel level (low to the point of almost inaudible). It’s a strange mix. Libations are reasonable with draught amber fluid and lolly water sensible at 60 baht, so it’s no surprise there’s a fairly regular influx of customers. An inspection of the upstairs facilities for purposes involving horizontal activities costs 300 baht while the damsel performing the guided tour leaves her ‘tip’ up to you in most cases.

 

Not Just Rocking in the Afternoon: Down the road apiece from Hot & Cold is the Far East Rock gogo which, with its cousin Club Nevada across the soi, regarded as an ideal afternoon place to whet the whistle. Even late into the evening Far East Rock can provide an interlude of interesting entertainment with plenty of passable damsels cavorting about the stage in various stages of (un)dress. It’s better than I’ve seen it in a long time with good music and draught amber at 50 baht. The major negative is in the pricing of lolly water at 80 baht, or 60 percent more than amber nectar. One day somebody will be able to have a clear and rational explanation as to why so many boozers charge way over the odds for non-alcoholic libations.

 

Try This Quick Quiz: You wouldn’t think a round-robin competition meant as a way of selling extra booze on quiet nights could engender much in the way of controversy, but in recent times a number of the teams involved in the Wednesday evening Quiz have expressed dissatisfaction with the quizmaster. This growing disquiet was based on the type of questions being posed: obscure to the point of being totally ridiculous. When criticised for this, the quizmaster petulantly decided to set a series of questions so easy the average British politician would have been able to score highly.

 

The final straw came when the quizmaster took over the role of adjudicating on appeals made against the answers to his questions. A classic example being an appeal by Fawlty Towers (Soi 7) over the question, ‘Where in the UK are the Cullin Hills?’ They answered ‘Scotland’ but were marked wrong, as the answer required was the Isle of Skye. For the geographically-challenged- including yours truly- my encyclopaedia says the Isle of Skye is ‘an island of northwest Scotland in the Inner Hebrides’. Therefore, if the Cullin Hills are on the Isle of Skye and the Isle of Skye is in Scotland and Scotland is in the UK, the answer by Fawlty Towers is, surely, correct and the appeal should have been upheld. The quizmaster/judge claimed Scotland was ‘far too broad and does not construe with the nature of the question. All the other teams that knew the Hills…put the correct answer of the Isle of Skye.’ In other words, teams must now not only listen to the question but be clairvoyant and ‘construe…the nature of the question.’

 

There is talk of rotating quiz setters with a pool of willing participants compiling the questions each week. At least this would give a differing slant to the series. Being a quizmaster is an ultimately thankless task. Make the questions too hard and people become frustrated and don’t enjoy themselves; make them too easy and you become a laughing stock. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

 

Piece of Pith: Don’t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

[LBJ 533]

After the two whales I saw dancing in Champion last month, I wouldn't doubt it's having trouble because it's definitely having trouble getting good looking girls. Love the music though.

 

Can't agree more with the description of Happy. Lots of great looking girls and tons of atmosphere. Hate the music though.

 

If somehow they could merge............