Top Idiots of 2005

[Braveheart 0]

Number One Idiot of 2005

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at

the poison control centre. Today, this woman called in very upset

because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her

that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her

daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation

happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order

to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency

room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

 

Number Two Idiot of 2005

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to

steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it

out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the

river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It

turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon

that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed

at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

 

Number Three Idiot of 2005

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of Montreal, walked into the

branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry

that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police

before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of Montreal and

crossed the street to the CIBC. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed

his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors

that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could

not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of

Montreal deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a CIBC deposit slip

or go back to Bank of Montreal Looking somewhat defeated, the man said,

"OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in

line back at Bank of Montreal.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

 

Number Four Idiot of 2005

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that

measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received

in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment,

he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he

received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time

of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking about)!

 

Number Five Idiot of 2005

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this

point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.

 

Idiot Number Six of 2005

A pair of Manitoba robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't need a sign; he probably figured it out himself.

 

Idiot Number Seven of 2005

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign.

Edited April 12, 2006 by Braveheart