Nightmarch

[PattayaPete 530]

History Lesson: According to a reader who seems to know what he’s on about, I was mistaken in my previous missive when I wrote about the longest-running boozers on Pattayaland Soi 2. Terry at The Shamrock allegedly holds the record, about 22 years, narrowly ahead of George at the Viking Beachcomber with the Blue Parrot and Cheers next in line. Nonetheless I still stick by my contention that Colin and Stan are the longest-established partnership on the soi, and probably in Pattaya, with 18 years in business together. Medals all round.

 

Off the Drip: The better boozers stretched along the ‘English Patient’, otherwise known as Soi Buakhow, seem to be generally doing quite well even though high season has yet to kick in. With a couple of mates in tow I spent a few hours exploring three of the ogling dens located on and about the soi.

 

The first place we visited was Champagne in Soi LK Metro. It was reasonably busy with quite good music, although it had the standard cheap amber draught (45 baht) while anything else was reaching gouge level. There were about 20 chrome pole huggers cavorting about the place; four or five rated a second look. After Champagne we walked a few metres further into the soi and went into the Memories ogling den. My first thought was this was going to be dreadful, but instead we were pleasantly surprised. The music was OK and most of the damsels were friendly and smiling. Considering there were only 14 dancers rostered on we all agreed there were between five and seven for whom we could quite easily have been enticed into purchasing a small condominium. On a per capita basis this makes Memories rate as one of the best dens in Fun Town. Libations were well priced at 80 baht for liver wasters, 60 baht for loly water, 50 baht for draught amber and 90 baht for lady drinks.

 

We ended our little reconnaissance at the relatively new Paradise chrome pole den, right on Soi Buakhow. Libations here were priced between those of Memories and Champagne and, like the latter, the damsels were a generally friendly crew. There were approximately 16 dancers, a number of whom have definitely been around since Pattaya was last visited by the US Seventh Fleet. We stayed for a few cultural shows and especially enjoyed the dual-dancer ablution performance that involved a shower head, water, soap suds, a couple of unshaven beavers and a pair of pink towels. The consensus of opinion at the conclusion of our foray rated Memories on top, just ahead of Paradise.

 

Of Mice and Men: If your expensive tastes runs to top-shelf liver wasters, or Beer Lao - one of the better amber fluids- or you want to just relax in a friendly place slightly off the beaten track, then the Lennies air-conditioned beer boozer in Soi Diamond, right opposite the well-patronised Casino Club, is a place to put on your list. The layout is not quite right, which therefore detracts from its allure, but it has a friendly atmosphere and attentive serving staff with a few enthusiastic knob-fondlers. There is a solitary pool table placed in the back of the boozer, but it happens to be in front of a very large television screen. I would think when punters come in to watch sports on the TV then the pool table doesn’t get much use. Or if it does, then people trying to watch the finals of the left-handed Tiddlywinks Championships broadcast live from Uppington Snetherballs probably become frustrated at having their view impeded. Then again, if you want to watch TV you might as well stay at home. The boozer runs the occasional well-attended party, the last one being a Sexy Nurses Night on 4 November.

 

Let’s Talk About Sex: What is it about sex for money, especially the issue of First World Male meets Developing World Female, that sends so many people into moralistic fits of high dudgeon? And why is so much that is written about Pattaya so damned dishonest? Do so many journalists really believe the average reader can’t bear the truth, or do they feel the need to somehow prove their Politically Correct (PC) credentials?

 

Most journalists learn to deal with the need to produce copy to a limited and specific time frame, and for those who’ve been in the business long enough you soon learn to recognise when others are struggling and have thrown something together in order to cover the tyranny of the deadline (yes, go to the head of the class: this is one of those times for yours truly).

 

The broad generalisations in the prose are usually the most obvious giveaway the writer is struggling to fill his column inches. The Thai-foreigner, bargirl-tourist/expat relationship dynamic is one area guaranteed to fill column inches if a journalist is at a loss for something to write about. And so to the reason for this preamble. The ‘Lost Boy’ columnist of the Bangkok Post’s Guru Magazine decided he would deal with the vexing subject of ‘love’, especially as it pertains to the Thai girl, foreign man. Of course, in order to try and fill an entire splash of white space he needed to launch an attack on the standard whipping boy: Pattaya.

 

He notes, ‘The Lost Boy has been to Pattaya five times now, which is more than enough. The city has an awful reputation. ‘Hell on earth’ is how some people describe it. To The Lost Boy, it’s just a party city where after a couple of days it all gets a bit boring…The enormous amount of sex that goes on in the city seems to taint Thailand a little. Pattaya is almost a separate entity in itself, not really a part of Thailand. It is best to view it as such.’ That last part I tend to agree with; Pattaya is not like anywhere else in the country, but then neither is Khao San Road. The same could be said of the main drag of the Sydney suburb of King’s Cross. It is nothing like the rest of Australia. We already know Pattaya is crass, in-your-face, and owes its very existence to the business of prostitution.

 

Broad generalisations and disjointed arguments are the style of ‘The Lost Boy’ columns, so it’s not surprising when he falls into the usual trap: ‘From talking to bar girls, this writer has come to an understanding that it is not something the girls (and boys) want to do, but it is something they need to do.’ What an absolute load of putrefying bilge. Let’s get this straight, one more time for the dummies. The International Labour Organisation (ILO) estimated there were about 500,000 people making their living from prostitution, or less than two percent of the total female population of Thailand. Pattaya has around 10,000 damsels (and that figure I feel is on the high side) offering sexual favours for monetary recompense as their main or sole occupation; and there are probably at least that number who work in occupations where they don’t sell their bodies.

 

In other words, the numbers who are here offering their favours to foreigners represent about two percent of the overall figures for Thai prostitutes. More importantly, the girls who are here are doing this by choice because there’s more money and better conditions (i.e. free time) than going to work as a cashier in Carrefour six days a week for 32 baht an hour or in a factory for 3-4,000 baht a month of 12-hour working days. There are literally millions of females in Thailand who don’t need to work on their backs; most of those coming to Pattaya to perform as a mattress dancer, choose to do so. Very few are in such dire straights that no alternative is open to them. Even that rabidly feminist organisation Empower has finally woken up to the realities of bar work in Bangkok and Pattaya. They no longer seem concerned to get the girls out of the sex industry, but rather take pains to teach the damsels better and more effective ways of dealing with customers and relieving them of as much money for as little effort as possible.

 

I’ve had more than a few conversations with ladies who pretend they hate what they do. Yet when I tell them I know a few employers who would be happy to have their services in gainful employment, the first thing I’m asked is how much they would receive as a salary. When I mention a figure of 7-8,000 baht a month the girls have all said, “not enough”. Funny how most of the rest of the population can live on similar wages, and many seem able to purchase condos, cars and mobile phones. They just have to wait a little longer and learn how to save. The damsels cavorting around chrome poles and the younger lasses propping up an end in many a beer boozer do so because they can make a damn sight more money in less time than at almost any other unskilled occupation. And they don’t have to punch a time clock six-seven days a week for eight-12 hours a day.

 

Piece of Pith: It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.