Nightmarch

[PattayaPete 530]

Dancing for Dollars: On Friday night 6 April the Diamond ogling den (Soi Diamond) will be holding its first in-house dance contest for some time. There are quite a number of new faces strutting their g-stringed stuff in the den so it should make for an interesting evening. The contest is scheduled to kick into life around 9:30PM.

 

Then, on Saturday night 14 April the chrome pole palace will conduct its own pre-Songkran preview with a wet T-shirt dance contest, again set to jiggle into action about 9:30PM. Chest infections and pneumonia will be optional extras for the dancers.

 

No Gambling on the Quality: The Casino Club late-night boogie barn (Soi Diamond) held its first in-house coyote dance contest on Tuesday night 20 March and the event proved a resounding success. A total of 31 dancers, divided into 10 teams, gyrated like marionettes in a hurricane in the hope of sharing in a massive 28,000 baht in prize money. The initial first prize was 3,000 baht but a few generous patrons kicked in a bundle of grey notes and the first place rocketed to a healthy 12,000 baht.

 

The contest didn’t kick off until 11:30PM but within an hour or so Casino was practically full. What was impressive were the numbers of very attractive Thai females scattered throughout the audience and the majority of the coyote dancers were more than easy on the eye. For the judges the gap between the best and the worst dancer wasn’t much more than thigh-high bootstrap but in the finish it was a lady named Khun Golf who walked off with the 12 grey notes, knocking her rivals into the bunker with a nine-iron.

 

All in Price War Lather: I have to confess to not being a great fan of the X-Zone ogling den (Soi 16, Covent Garden Complex). I think the place is far too big and square and lacks ambience. Perhaps it’s the stairs you have to negotiate prior to getting in the front door. They put you in a wary mood before you make it inside and the place is big enough to hide a Roman legion.

 

That said, the management are trying to entice punters through the doors and their happy hour, from 8:00-10:00PM, is on par with the best in town. All libations, from draught and bottled amber nectar, house and top shelf liver wasters, Thai rotgut, and ly water, are just 50 baht during that two-hour time frame.

 

X-Zone has become quite well known for its risque soapy party shows involving ladies of easy virtue getting into quite a lather with items of a cleansing nature and then exploring each others’ bodily cavities in the search for germs. The soapy parties begin at 9:00PM and for anyone who wants to get or keep the damsels in a free-spirited frame of mind all night, a bottle of Tequila costs 1,000 baht and is sure to be ingested faster than a horny octogenarian with a Viagra tablet.

 

One Down, One New, One Sold: The Broadway ogling den (Soi BJ, off Walking Street) appears to have closed its doors. On a couple of recent forays in and around the small soi the place hasn’t shown any sign of life so I’m making the assumption it’s gone. No great loss.

 

Sweethearts chrome pole palace (Walking Street) finally opened its doors to the paying public at the start of March. The former beer boozer turned ogling den turned late-night boogie barn turned back into a palace of the chrome pole has gone the table dancing route in this new incarnation. There’s a good happy hour between 8:00 and 10:00PM with draught amber, house liver wasters, Thai rotgut, and ly water at just 45 baht a glass. The music is quite good, at least it’s not the standard car alarm of so many other places although I wondered how hard it was for the table shufflers to jiggle to the strains of Black Sabbath’s ‘War Pigs’. At this stage the place is struggling to attract enough table tappers, but with Khun Satit at the helm it shouldn’t be too long before a few more recruits are added to the stable.

 

Around in Soi 15 the newly-opened Club 69 ogling den has been sold into the same interests who run the successful Windmill gash-gobbling palace (Soi Diamond). There are still plenty of changes expected to be made to the layout of the den but the same style of interactive fun, the very reason for the success of Windmill, is already being instituted in Club 69.

 

Come to Paradise: East Pattaya, that’s all those expansive hectares on the ‘other’ side of Sukhumvit highway, has always had a smattering of daytime and early evening boozers offering horizontal therapy sessions for the weary golf tragic, but as the area continues to expand it’s noticeable the numbers of dens combining alcoholic refreshment and female friendship are also on the rise. One of the most recent to set out the bar stools is the less-than-imaginatively named Paradise boozer. Situated on the left-hand side of Soi Watboon, off Sukhumvit highway and down past the Mike Orchid Village, I’m told Paradise is being run by the former mamasan of the popular Dao boozer in Soi Ngern Plub Wan.

 

An Open Secret: Leaping Larry is now officially the daytime manager at the Secrets lounge lizard libation room (Soi 14, off Walking Street). The genial American, also known as ‘Soi 7’, also does the occasional evening of meeting and greeting. The members of the Secrets web board/forum/blog/gabfest, or whatever these things are, meet every Sunday evening at around 6:00PM in the bar at Secrets and set the world to rights. There’s usually a bit of free nosh to line the empty stomachs. Non-members are welcome.

 

Ready to Bend Over? With the continuing steady growth of pink palaces in the Pattayaland Soi 1 and 2 area, one wag commented that the Cheers no-hostesses-in-here boozer, which celebrated 18 years of operations at the tail end of 2006, might soon have to re-name itself Queers. Maybe Welsh Colin might be able to persuade his partner American Stan to compromise and call the place Llarreggub in honour of Dylan Thomas, the famous Welsh poet and alcoholic, who set much of his radio play Under Milk Wood in this fictional seaside town.

 

A Reconstructed Virgin: The convoluted thinking processes of some of the walking wallets who take dancing damsels out of dens and into the comfort of their own boudoirs never ceases to amaze and amuse. One prominent ogling den owner told me of a self-deluded tourist who had been complaining because his lady’s photo happened to be on the bar’s website. “She’s not a whore, but she’s my bitch,” he allegedly told the bemused bar owner. Yep, and I’m a handsome, sexy, young man and the girls don’t want my money.

 

Now for the Third: The third issue of the glossy magazine Pattaya By Night should be on the shelves by the time this column hits the streets. This issue continues the traditions of the first two but will be bigger (up to 56 from 52 pages) and more broad-based than ever, with no less than 15 of the best ogling dens and night entertainment venues providing photographic eye candy for the lens of ‘Hopalong’ Dave, the shutterbug and partner- with your humble correspondent-, in the production of the publication.

 

There are dance contests, anniversary parties and just simple photo shoots from Angelwitch, Casino Club, Catz, Club Boesche, Club Oasis, Diamond, Dollhouse, Heaven Above, Living Dolls Showcase, New Living Dolls 1, Secrets, Super Baby, Super Girl, What’s Up, and Windmill Club. The price remains the same, 150 baht, and the magazine will be available from the internet at www.dcothai.com as well as bookshops such as DK, Soi Post Office, DK, Central Pattaya Road, Pattaya Beach Books (second floor of Tops Supermarket, and Soi Buakhow), Foodmart in Jomtien and around 40 other outlets as well as the participating bars themselves.

 

Piece of Pith: Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.