Nightmarch

[PattayaPete 530]

My Liver Helps Pad Your Amber Stomach: Being a complete dullard when it comes to economics, it’s only recently I had a light-bulb moment regarding the dynamics of libation pricing vis-a-vis ogling dens and beer boozers. A few months ago a reader suggested ogling dens could afford to offer cheaper amber fluid and other thirst quenchers because their bar-fines for dancers were so high. He suggested, ‘the significantly higher bar-fines subsidise the beer prices in some places.’ He then noted, ‘Rents on beer bars are not comparable to go-gos in the same location. Per square metre, beer bars pay far more rent.’ In this respect he’s correct as, for example, the majority of the beer boozers in the Best Friend complex (Beach Road) are paying 60,000 baht a month. This is a ridiculous figure, yet people continue to pay these imposts and enough of them make money, otherwise the whole complex would have collapsed by now. Hence the reason for the high drinks prices.

 

The argument beer boozers need to charge higher prices because of higher rentals per square metre than ogling dens is fine if that were the only criteria. What about electricity, water, and staff? The girls employed in beer boozers also double as serving wenches and the average salary is not much more than 4,000 baht a month.

 

Most average-sized beer boozers rarely have more than 10 paid staff. Many boozers welcome freelancers who come and go as they please, but a customer must still pay the bar fine if he finds her propping up a barstool. So, if a boozer pays a silly 60,000 baht a month rent, has 10 working wenches at 4,000 baht a month each (so wages of 40,000 baht), and coughs up another 2-3,000 baht a month for electricity and water, outlays will run to a rounded-up 105,000 baht, or 3,500 baht a day.

 

Ogling dens, on the other hand, have to fork out for air-conditioning and greater lighting, hence kicking up the electricity bill. There’s also the monthly stipend to the plod retirement fund. If a den has 25 dancers (average for many) it will be lucky to have 20 of these bar-fined every night. That’s 10,000 baht (at 500 baht a time), minus the 100 baht each returned to the dancer, leaving 8,000 baht as the ‘profit’. If this rate were maintained over a month the return would be around 240,000 baht. If the owner is paying his dancers the average salary of around 8,000 baht each per month then his monthly salary bill will be (for 25 dancers) 200,000 baht (less cuts for being late, taking days off and other misdemeanours).

 

As most people realise, having a 66 percent bar-fine rate each and every night for 12 months of the year is not realistic. Having up to two-thirds of your dancers bar-fined before closing time is also not conducive to bringing customers into the bar. A dancer employed at 8,000 baht a month, needs to be bar-fined 20 times (at 500 baht a time less 100 baht back to her) just for the owner to break square. This number is reduced by the quantity of ladies drinks purchased. For an owner it’s more economical to have a girl receive five or more ladies drinks a night than be bar-fined.

 

On a per-square-metre basis rentals in many ogling dens may be cheaper than a beer boozer, but a palace of the chrome pole also has to budget for a mamasan, a DJ, and a few waitresses (four or five if there are 25 dancers) and barkers on the street. The average monthly overhead may well run to more than 300,000 baht or 10,000 baht a day. That’s three times the costs of running the average beer boozer. Sounds like a fortune, but when most places get upset if they don’t ‘take’ upwards of 35,000 baht a night, it doesn’t take a mathematical genius to see why there are now about 76 dens of the chrome pole in Fun Town.

 

So, why is it that chrome pole establishments are generally able to make money with cheaper booze? The answer, I think (though I’m definitely not John Maynard Keynes when it comes to economics), is draught amber fluid. Almost every joint has an all-night draught amber nectar drop priced between 40 and 65 baht. Considering the average glass costs the den about 15 baht, the profit on a 45 baht impost is quite reasonable, percentage-wise.

 

Where the dens really make their money is on liver wasters, ly water and ladies drinks. While draught amber might be 45-55 baht all night, liver wasters and ly water are charged out at anywhere between 95 and 120, or more, baht. Basically, the person who isn’t drinking amber froth is subsidising the punters who are. I’ve decided it’s time to re-investigate the health benefits of draught amber liquid. There are many beer boozers, places like the Eagle (Soi 7), Bodega (Soi Post Office) and Wunderbar (Soi Yamato), which do very well with their happy hours. The places are usually well-patronised and I’d suggest the owners are doing quite nicely, taking a small profit on a large turnover rather than a large profit on a smaller turnover. After all, a busy bar will always attract customers and the way to have a busy bar is to offer good deals.

 

Basically, the chief income stream for both beer boozers and ogling dens comes from selling thirst quenchers. The reason the majority of people sit in a bar, be it of either variety, is because of the talent on display: a beer boozer with no girls will probably go broke; certainly an ogling den with very little talent is headed the same way, cheap drinks or no. Unless I’ve missed something significant, there really seems no reason for a beer boozer to be charging more for a punter to wet the whistle than a palace of the chrome pole.

A Question of Numbers: The Wednesday night quiz leagues’ state of flux continues with the Derbyshire beer boozer (Soi 6) being the latest addition to the team list. They are replacing the now defunct Dawin beer boozer. Amazing how many members of opposing teams can’t wait for their turn to play down in what many Thais like to call Soi La Mok (Disgusting).

 

The dirty dozen on Wednesday’s are (in alphabetical order): Bowling Green (Soi X-Zyte), Boxing Roo (Third Road), Bunker (Soi Chaiyapoom), Cheers (Pattayaland Soi 2), Derbyshire (Soi 6), Londoner (Soi Post Office), Nervous Wreck (Soi Yamato), Nom’s (off Second Rd, Central Pattaya), OK Corral (Soi Rungland), Palmers (Pattayaland Soi 2), Rising Sun (Soi Yamato), and Shagwell Mansion (Soi Arunothai). Anyone is welcome to play, and most teams are happy to see new faces.

 

The Door is Still Barred: The closure of the New Living Dolls 1 den of the chrome pole (Walking Street) seems likely to be in the region of 60 days according to some sources. The den had its doors firmly shut in the early part of July and one rumour suggested it might be only for four days. Now the word is that certain licences weren’t displayed correctly (probably the Water in a Jacuzzi between 8:00PM and 3:00AM Licence or the Cashier & Service Girl Length of Skirt Uniform Licence) or were missing, and a couple of young ladies were found to be disrobed, thus offending the moral decency of customers who simply wandered in for a quiet libation or six. I’m even told the usual offer of amounts of folding stuff were rejected, surely a first if this is remotely true. Whatever the situation, or the rumours, the fact remains the place is firmly closed.

 

A few years ago when Purely Puritanical was Minister of the Interior and decided nightlife was an easy whipping boy, we had a series of plod-induced raids of dens around Fun Town, primarily during the low season, and various establishments were ordered closed for varying periods, usually 30 days. With this low season being probably the worst ever for many businesses -not just the night entertainment sector- perhaps the people who wield the big stick are taking this as an opportunity to nail anyone and everyone they can prior to the eventual return to civilian rule in the national arena.

 

Around and About: The Nice N Eazy ogling den (Soi Yamato) has been turned into a beer boozer. Given that in recent years it hardly deserved the chrome pole cognomen, it might do better having been downgraded.

 

The Champagne ogling den (Soi LK Metro) has apparently reduced its standard 550 baht bar fine for dancing damsels to 350 baht, after 1:00AM. I’m told punters may still be informed the price is 550 baht after that time if the damsel doesn’t especially like the person doing the asking or, if as is just as likely, she decides to pocket the difference herself.

 

In these tight times for many places, offering late-night deals for female companionship is at least one way of potentially bringing a few extra customers through the door.

 

Piece of Pith: ‘…when you feel unable to change your bar you have become old.’ (taken from Our Man in Havana, Graham Greene, p. 37)