Nightmarch

[MM 6,562]

You Could at Yeast Make an Effort: PLEASE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING IF YOU HAVE JUST EATEN, ARE EATING, OR SUFFER FROM A WEAK STO-MACH.

 

Although the following refers to an incident involving a dancer from the Paris ogling den (Soi Diamond), I would think the end result is something that may well happen in many boozers where basically self-employed women of loose virtue offer their physical charms for monetary recompense and the owners/managers are primarily Thai, or just plain stupid.

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HAIR APPARENT: The Casino Club den of the shake-your-booty (Soi Diamond) held a very late night dance contest yet this lady looks as though she is fresh out the shower. (Photo by DAK)

 

I received an email from a disgruntled patron of

the chrome pole palace mentioned above who claimed he paid the 600 baht bar fine for a dancer after she agreed to accompany him to a nearby sleeping palace where rooms can be rented by the hour and she would accept a grey note as her reward for any physical services rendered. After the pair had showered they were preparing to engage in activities of an intimate nature when the customer noted, and I quote, ‘the girl had the worst Yeast infection I have ever seen. While I am not a doctor I am fairly sure cottage cheese should not be coming out of a woman’s vagina.’ The sight proved a turn-off, possibly because he is a vegan and doesn’t indulge in dairy products, but more than likely because a yeast infection leads to a condition known as brewer’s droop. The man said he immediately took the girl back to Paris (the ogling den, not the City of Lights) and asked to speak with the mamasan. A hostess claimed the den didn’t have such a creature, so he explained the damsel’s physical limitations and asked for a refund of his bar fine. You already know the answer: a two-letter word beginning with N and ending with O. He claimed he argued his case, politely, for about a minute before realising it was a waste of time, and promptly left. Needless to say the Paris ogling den now has one less customer and is going to accrue plenty of negative publicity within his circle of friends and acquaintances, all for the sake of 600 baht.

Clearly, it is impossible for the owners/managers of boozers to physically check every single damsel in their employ, every night, to see if they are carrying some kind of infection. I can see it now: a new ritual is begun each night as the bar-finable dancers come into the den, strip to their birthday suits, move to a nearby wall and stand on their heads while the manager and mamasan stroll down the line inspecting each and every exposed minge for traces of contamination. A sensible management would have checked the girl, confirmed the allegation, and not only paid back the money with a smile, but offered the customer a free drink and an apology. Then again, as any regular knows, sensible management are an all but extinct species here in Fun Town.

Undressed for Success: One of the features -if this really is the right term- of the Sakura 69 ogling den (Soi 15, off Walking Street) is the way the dancing damsels are attired after they come off stage. Apparently the management has a rule that however a dancer is attired onstage is how she must remain when offstage. I’m not sure if this has resulted in a number of chest infections or even pneumonia among resting damsels, but I do know some customers appreciate being able to inspect a potential bar fine up close, and very personal, and yeast infections would probably be the least of their worries.

Draught amber nectar is the preferred promotion at 55 baht a glass all night. Lady drinks are over the odds at 110 baht and the standard libation is a tequila shot.

Party Hard: In recent times the Sisterz ogling den (Walking Street) has undergone some serious managerial changes which have led to a mixed reaction about the quality, or otherwise, of the play palace. For example, in mid-June I received an email from a guy who said he was disappointed with the change stating, ‘the dancers were bored and boring, the price for a SMALL glass of draught beer was 100+ baht and to add insult to injury the beer was the WORST tasting stuff I have ever tasted in my entire life ever (and I’m 55).’ Just a few days later I had an email from one of the owners claiming Sisterz ‘has more than doubled the number of dancing gals to more than 50+ and has 10 showgirls. An ample amount for the 4 stages that are now being fully utilized. When the stages are not full of top totty dancing their socks off – and often everything else as well, there are a range of choreographed (and not) shows. Shows start just after 9pm and have stepped up a notch...The bar has moved on to melodic dance music. Definitely not ear shattering car alarm torture. We have happy hour from 7 – 10pm (yes we open at 7!) for only 45b for house spirits, large glasses of draft Chang and bottles of Tiger, Singha and Chang.’

Naturally, with such conflicting accounts coming just days apart the only way to decide what was really happening in the den was to wander in and check it out in person. I did this on a lazy Monday night and immediately had a chuckle with the sign out front which reads: ‘4 stages, 70 dancers and 5 dodgy guys out front’. Yes, it’s derivative of the old ‘60 gorgeous dancers, and two ugly ones’ sign from the defunct Club Electric Blue but I liked it.

Inside, I counted about 30 dancers all up, but this was about 9:00PM on a Monday, so I didn’t expect to see a full complement. What was noticeable, apart from plenty of damsels with tattoos in hard-to-reach places, was the general quality was good. Most looked as though they could supply a detailed resume of employment in more than a few play palaces, veterans in chrome pole molesting but not in age. The music might not be everyone’s taste but suited the style of the den.

Lady drinks are reasonable at 99 baht while the bar fine structure is novel with a sensible 350 baht for punters taking a lady for a mere Sierra Tango mattress inspection to 600 baht for dancers, 700 baht for showgirls and 1,500 baht -before the witching hour- and 1,000 baht after for damsels classified as ‘superstars’. Just what kind of a creature a ‘superstar’ is I don’t know but would imagine it has a minimum three tattoos, four body piercings, five overseas sponsors, and thinks its rectal eructations are akin to the aroma of a Chanel 5 perfume.

I didn’t try the draught amber fluid so I don’t know if it’s crap or not; what did make me laugh was the attempt by the serving wench to charge me 105 baht for a house liver waster when it was still happy hour. When I pointed out the error she quickly rectified the mistake, if that’s what it really was. I say this because when it came time to pay the bill I proffered a 100-baht note and the change amounted to just 45 baht, 10 baht light. One could be forgiven for thinking they had the attitude if they couldn’t snip me coming in then they would do so going out.

Sisterz is going to have what they are calling a ‘Girls Gone Wild’ party on Thursday 3 July so I suggest anyone confused about all of the above and wondering whether the place is worthy of a visit should go along.

Around the Swill: Already the word on the street is this is by far the worst business has been for most operators, even outstripping the pallor of 2007. While some places continue to do well I doubt there are many owners, be they of ogling dens, beer boozers, or nosheries who are not looking forward with any relish to the next few months. Then again, this is reflected across the city in all kinds of businesses, many not remotely associated with night entertainment. About the only certainty is that there will be quite a few more places dispensing alcoholic refreshments that will be closed before we reach November.

It’s hard to see how some places can classify their operations as true chrome pole palaces. For example, the Pook boozer in Soi 6 classes itself as an ogling den, yet it is open to passers-by and those damsels cavorting about the internal poles are attired in a more coyote-style fashion and more than a few appear to have grown up wearing trousers rather than dresses.

Down the road, classifying Mandarin as an ogling den is at least more realistic: closed doors and dancers in bikinis. My two most recent inspections of the place have been a disappointment, the first time there were just three ladies inside, although to be fair this was late at night and the joint is a typical Soi 6 afternoon operation. The second time was earlier in the evening and the ladies waiting out front looked as though they had been employed on the basis of rough, rougher, and roughest.

Piece of (Aging) Pith: Once you’re over 50: You can live without sex but not your glasses (except in Pattaya).

 

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