Political Correctness

[MarsGodOfWar 8]

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading Canada, Albertans will no longer be referred to as

 

'Rednecks.'

 

You must now refer to them as

 

Rocky Mountain/Prairie Canadians

 

And furthermore,

 

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

 

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' -

 

She is a ' BREASTED Canadian'

 

2. She is not ' EASY ' – She is

 

'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.' (Loved this one!)

 

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE'

 

She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY'

 

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND'

 

She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION'

 

5. She does not 'NAG' you

 

She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE'

 

6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER'

 

She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER'

 

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

 

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT'

 

He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

 

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER'

 

He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN...'

 

3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME'

 

He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS'

 

4. He is not 'BALDING'

 

He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

 

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS'

 

He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

 

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants

 

It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE.'

[phomsanuk 1]

One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, O'Brian noticed a Priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

 

Lo and behold, that horse--a very long shot--- won the race.

 

Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, O'Brian watched with interest the old Priest step onto the track.

 

Sure enough, as the horses of the 5th race came to the starting gate the Priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.

 

O'Brian made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse.

 

Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the Priest had blessed won the race.

 

O'Brian collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless for the 6th race.

 

The Priest again blessed a horse.

 

O'Brian bet big on it, and it won. O'Brian was elated.

 

As the races continued the Priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first.

 

By and by, O'Brian was pulling in some serious money.

 

By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true.

 

He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the Priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

 

True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day.

O' Brian also observed the Priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.

 

O'Brian knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.

 

He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last.

 

O'Brian, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was. Confronting the old priest he demanded, "Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won.

 

Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile.

Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings---all of it!".

 

The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.

 

"Son," he said, "that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites."