Monkeywatch - July 2010

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greeting Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this month's melee of musings on the happenings in Happy Town.

 

There's been some discussion recently about how the 'girlfriend experience' in Thailand is dying out because of the shitty attitudes of the girls. Or perhaps it's just getting a little too realistic for comfort?

 

Some Brits might be struggling to fund future trips to Pattaya after their new Government came up with a package of austerity measures alleged to be fair but mainly aimed at middle and upper income earners. Of course, they've got it all wrong. What they should have done is taken all the money off the poor. After all, they're experienced at being poor and so have the expertise to deal with it. If you make rich people poor, they don't know what the hell to do. I mean, where do you go for cheap champagne these days?

 

The Pattaya Tourist Authority has issued an apology after its report of a large number of visitors arriving from Poland turned out to be an unfortunate misunderstanding…

 

 

Very little to report on the bar front this month. Legs on Soi Pattayaland 2 has closed and Peppermint has moved downstairs. Oh, and The Pleasure Dome still hasn't appeared (surprise, surprise).

 

An unusual discovery was made in a house in Soi Neun Plub Wan the other Thursday in the form of a rare insect known as a stink bug. These creatures can be identified by the way they defend themselves with a foul-smelling liquid when they are attacked, though this description could be equally be applied to a drunken expat brandishing a bottle of Chang.

 

A local sign maker was electrocuted a couple of Wednesdays ago while installing a light box in East Pattaya. An official expressed surprise that the man had not survived as he had recently been sacked from a local orchestra for being such a bad conductor.

 

Pattaya has launched a new sized soft drinks bottle in an attempt to capture the American market…

 

 

The ubiquitous Child and Women Protection Unit still seem to be having an identity crisis, as one of their latest escapades was to bust a World Cup gambling operation in a shop near Third Road. The shop owner was arrested and a punter who was caught placing a bet on England to win the World Cup was sent to a local hospital for psychiatric reports.

 

Pattaya made the Thailand national news the other weekend after a UFO was sighted and filmed by an employee of a local skydiving company. An expert initially identified it as a weather balloon but later conceded that it might have been a German tourist bungee jumping

 

On the last Friday in June, Beach Road hosted a special United Nations sponsored Anti-Human Trafficking Concert. So what exactly are anti-humans then? Are they like anti-matter? Anyway, don't traffic them. You have been warned.

 

Definitely not a seat for lowdown bums…

 

 

I guess we can't finish without mentioning the coverage of Patts in the British press recently following the shootings in Cumbria by Derrick Bird for which Thailand is obviously to blame. We were regaled with tales of "promises of sexual acts for no more than £5" and the like. If that's true, I think a few girls have been breaking their promises. Shame on them. Don't you just love the British tabloids though? The public at large know little enough about what really goes on in Pattaya, and if they keep reading reports like these they'll end up knowing nothing at all. Still, as one bar owner said, "No publicity is bad publicity". Oh yeah? Tell that to Gary Glitter.

 

Actually, I wonder if old Birdie was a member of the Thai Kisses website? All the blokes on there look like serial killers.

 

Right, I'm off to shoot my brother. And my solicitor. And everybody else.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[GoneBamboo 0]

Thank you monkeyman.

 

I always enjoy Monkeywatch.

[sick buffalo 15]

Guess there's no point in thanking you for yet another good read. You never visit this again...

[monkeyman 1,604]

Guess there's no point in thanking you for yet another good read. You never visit this again...

I always read all your comments and can assure you that they are very much appreciated. Perhaps I should say so more often.

 

Thanks for the support, guys.