Nightmarch 12 June 2003

[PattayaPete 530]

Yet another year goes by: Monday night, 16 June from 7:00 p.m. onwards, Spicy Girls ogling den (Pattayaland Soi 1) is the place to be for a pig and a poke with Ewan, the lanky senior partner in the chrome pole palace, celebrating his forty-something birthday.

 

As per usual, there will be ox loast and spit on a pig for friends and customers. As per usual with Spicy Girls, the reviled balloon chasers, you know who you are, are not welcome.

 

The bash should be worth attending even if only to witness an inebriated Ewan perform his party trick of outshining the dancers when it comes to upside-down chrome pole gymnastics.

 

Eight should be great: The Diamond ogling den (Soi Diamond) will be conducting its eighth dance contest on Friday night 20 June, commencing at around 9:30 p.m. There is a 200 baht cover charge but this entitles you to one free drink and the impost only applies to men. If you happen to want to bring your girlfriend along for a look, then she gets in free.

 

Something’s missing: In my case it’s a few million brain cells, but in the case of the relatively new G-Spot lounge lizard libation room (Second Road, just down from Big C) I can’t quite put my finger on it. When it first opened, I thought it would be a worthy rival to places like the popular Winchester Club in Jomtien and FLB in Walking Street, but at present it’s just another place to down a cool ale or three.

 

Drinks prices are reasonable, the serving wenches are friendly enough, and plentiful, with a clutch of new recruits. As well, G-Spot now hosts a free buffet every Saturday night. There is also a tuk-tuk sited in the front section of the large bar. The owners have christened it the ‘orgasmobile’ and, so I’m told, curtains will be fitted shortly. The bottom line is that there is nothing actually wrong with the place, it might be like so many others, some nights it’s happening and other times it isn’t.

 

The empire expands: The latest addition to the ogling den ranks in Walking Street is Nui’s 2, taking over the former Pretty Girl chrome pole palace. Nui opened her first den in Soi 15, off Walking Street, in late 1999 and struggled for a long time, especially as the place only had a few chrome pole huggers and her drinks prices were as high as those in top quality dens on the main drag.

 

Nevertheless, she managed to slowly increase her dancing maiden staff and attracted customers who liked to be within 10 centimetres of the chrome poles and watch the sort of shows that left you in no doubt as to the dietary habits of the damsels.

 

Put your clothes on: With low season starting to bite, I’m told the management of Club Electric Blue ogling den (Walking Street) have cut back the salaries of some of their ‘non-performing’ dancing damsels in an effort to streamline operations. It seems that a number of dancers were not being asked out for sufficient organ recitals and etchings perusals even though they were quite happily showing off their best assets while molesting the chrome pole. So, those who failed to reach the standard have been told to put their tops on and take less wedge for their wiggle. The den is still continuing with its ridiculously low 25 Baht happy hour from 7:30 until 8:30 p.m.

 

Still got the Blues for you: It might be approaching the depths of low season but the Blues Factory (Soi Lucky Star, off Walking Street) is still playing to reasonable and appreciative crowds. Long-time singer Greg Carroll left to pursue other interests at the end of March, and Snowman seems to have shouldered the front-line responsibilities to a large extent. The band has really bedded down into a tight and vibrant outfit thereby keeping the Blues Factory at the top of the list for places to go if you happen to want a change from staring at too much exposed female flesh.

 

Not the Nine O’Clock News: The latest edition to the seeming plethora of local television companies producing news and information around Pattaya on Sophon Cable is Pattaya City News. The program goes to air five times a day, at 10:00 a.m. and 11:00 p.m. on Sophon Channel Four and midday, 4:00 p.m., and 8:00 p.m. on Sophon Channel Five.

 

The production team at Pattaya City News are easily the most professional operators in Fun Town and the overall quality of their product has left their major rivals floundering. With all the necessary official paperwork now sorted, I’m led to believe that the operators will be forging ahead with some new and innovative ideas for television in Pattaya.

 

A rabid old chook: The Elephant Man, one of the original partners in the Spicy Girls ogling den, has opened a new boozer in Jomtien called the Old Speckled Hen. The ‘soft’ opening took place on 30 May and the premises is located in Soi 9, Jomtien Beach Road.

The name derives from a brand of frothy English amber fluid that just happens to be a favourite tipple of Porn, the Elephant Man’s better half (by far).

 

Dead as the proverbial maggot: In my most recent meanderings down Pattayaland Soi 2 it’s been noticeable that this once bustling stretch of tarmac is now almost bereft of custom and perambulators. Apart from long-established places such as Cheers, Palmers, Shamrock and the like, with a consistent and loyal expat and regular visitor clientele, most of the other operations, and particularly the ogling dens, appear to be battling for custom.

 

Of course, there are those who will claim this is just part of the malaise that has struck the rest of Fun Town, but the reality is that ever since Walking Street commenced its resurgence around a year ago, the major loser has been Pattayaland Soi 2, with some residual effect on neighbouring Pattayaland Soi 1.

 

Equally, the blatant wallet-emptying policies of certain operations in the soi have alienated a large section of the expat community, the very bread and butter that many businesses rely on to survive the lean low season.

One place I used to enjoy was Planet Rock, but I wandered in around midnight on a Saturday night and the place was empty. It wasn’t hard to see why: four chrome pole huggers on stage, the remainder lounging around probably waiting for manna from heaven, and the cheapest drink in the joint is 99 baht.

 

X no longer marks the spot: The X late night boogie barn (Soi Lucky Star) has closed its doors, presumably after failing to draw enough of the madding crowd away from Marine and Tony’s. The giant sign exclaiming ‘Don’t Go Home Alone Tonight’ has been taken down and will probably resurface as the covering for a somtam cart in the near future.

 

No more dancers for your privates: The short-lived Private Dancer ogling den (Walking Street) is another to close its doors in recent times. Formerly known as the Winchester chrome pole palace, it did good business during the last high season but never seemed to ‘fire’ after the name change. It’s now up for sale.

 

Bigger by half: My sources tell me that the connections of the Misty’s ogling den (Pattayaland Soi 2) have snaffled up the building next door, formerly the home of the now-defunct Emergency chrome pole palace, and have begun expanding their operation.

 

The devil by any other name: The Diablo late night boogie barn (Walking Street) has changed its name to Lucifer’s, I can only assume because the staff had a devil of a time pronouncing Diablo. (or could it be that the owners also own Lucifer’s in Patpong! Ed)

 

My e-mail address is: nightmarch@hotmail.com