Monkeywatch - April 2012

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to our latest rummage in the Pattaya closet. Who knows what germs we’ll find? Or should that be gems? No, germs it is. On with the show.

 

Thailand has apparently become very popular with Indians looking for cheap TVs. Well, they’ll find plenty in Pattaya if they hang around Beach Road in the small hours.

 

It seems that Pattaya has some competition in the tourist mortality stakes after a Russian bloke was electrocuted in the swimming pool of the five star Dewa Resort in Phuket. He met his demise after grabbing hold of a metal bridge with a faulty lighting circuit. Very unusual story, that – a Russian in a five star hotel.

 

Immigration delays at Bangkok have got so bad that arriving tourists are now being advised to head straight for the departures lounge to wait for their flight home. If things get any worse, the plan is to send the arriving planes back home before they even land so tourists will be able to avoid all that tedious queuing and have a stress-free holiday.

 

It’s rumoured that Lord Baden-Powell sat in this very spot to write his famous tome “Scouting for Buoys”...

 

 

A “Chinese Goddess Of Compassion” was arrested the other weekend after being accused of nicking a girl’s iPod. The goddess, who looked surprisingly like a katoey in clown makeup, claimed that the theft was a compassionate act as the now iPodless girl would find greater spiritual enlightenment by using her time for things like knitting or basket weaving. However, the general consensus was that the goddess would find greater spiritual enlightenment if she was taken behind the police station and given a bloody good hiding.

 

An Indian restaurant in South Pattaya was burned to the ground last week after a fire started inside its kitchen. The blaze was found to have been caused by a fault in the new fire alarm system that the owner had installed after being told by the authorities that his premises weren’t safe enough.

 

The new traffic lights in Pattaya are coming under increased criticism, as drivers just aren’t bothering to stop at them. Some say that an altogether better idea would be to go back to the old system of just having no lights at all for drivers to not stop at.

 

Looks like Pattaya’s green transport initiative is in full swing…

 

 

Bar news now, and both Guugle and Baron Club have returned after a brief absence, the former with a bit more on show and the latter with a lot less. Gentlemen’s Club on Soi Diamond will also be reopening shortly under new management. There’s an imminent new arrival in the shape of New York New York, a coyote bar that’s opening on the site of Coyotee’s, which wasn’t a coyote bar. Glad we’ve finally straightened that out. And Eazy A Go Go has gone dark again. With their level of custom, they probably couldn’t afford to put any money in the meter.

 

It’s been suggested that the demise of a tourist in his hotel room last week may have been due to his taking Viagra, though as the body wasn’t found for many hours he was pretty stiff anyway. The man, who was thought to be from the UK, has been named by police as Finbar Clapper (that name rings a bell).

 

There’s been another red shirt rally in Pattaya, though looking at the football teams most of them support they probably don’t have any yellow shirts.

 

Here we have a rare example of an effigy of the ancient Trouser Snake. Legend has it that any bar girl sighting the beast will become richer overnight…

 

 

A man is being sought by police after attempting to take an up-skirt photo of a girl in a convenience store in Central Pattaya last Thursday. Perhaps he was just looking up old friends.

 

A strange ceremony took place last week when a man held a full Buddhist funeral for his dead cow. Four monks conducted the service and then acted as bearers (or should that be steakholders?)

 

Three Thai men were arrested by Banglamung police last Thursday after they stole a gold necklace from a girl in Soi Kao Ta Low. Christ on a bike, how many Thais does it take to steal one bloody necklace?

 

And remember the old saying about a fool and his money. They both come to Pattaya but only one of them goes home.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

Edited April 9, 2012 by monkeyman

[Montydog 135]

As always a joy