Best puns announced today from Edinburgh Festival

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The best puns announced today.........

A pun by comedian Darren Walsh has scooped the prize for funniest joke of the Edinburgh Fringe.
The 39-year-old, whose show Punderbolt is on at the Pleasance, took first place in the vote by TV channel Dave.
The winning joke was: "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free."
Walsh, from Peterborough, who won the first UK Pun Championship last year, said he was delighted. "What a punderful feeling," he said.
It was the eighth year that the joke award has been made. Previous winners include Tim Vine, Stewart Francis, Zoe Lyons and Nick Helm.

This year saw the youngest comedian make the award shortlist, as 12-year-old 'Grace The Child' claimed 10th place.
The top 10 funniest jokes of the Fringe

 

"I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free" - Darren Walsh

 

"Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West" - Stewart Francis

 

"Surely every car is a people carrier?" - Adam Hess

 

"What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter" - Masai Graham

 

"If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go" - Dave Green

 

"Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas" - Mark Nelson

 

"Red sky at night. Shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night. Day" - Tom Parry

 

"The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves" - Alun Cochrane

 

"Clowns divorce. Custardy battle" - Simon Munnery

 

"They're always telling me to live my dreams. But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for..." - Grace The Child

 

 

 

The funniest joke was chosen from a shortlist compiled by a panel of judges, who saw an average of 60 shows each at this year's Edinburgh Fringe.

The shortlisted gags were then put to 2,000 people, with no reference to the comedians who told them, who then voted for the jokes they found the funniest.

The judges also released a list of jokes which just missed out on the shortlist.
"I never lie on my CV…because it creases it." - Jenny Collier
"If you don't know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourself" - Ian Smith
"I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time" - Tom Ward
"Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't" - Gyles Brandreth
"Let me tell you a little about myself. It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'" - Ally Houston
"Earlier this year I saw "The Theory of Everything" - loved it. Should've been called "Look Who's Hawking", that's my only criticism" - James Ancaster

Edited August 25, 2015 by atlas2