Menzo

It was a good night Adam. Where are the photos

A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'. The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got One in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his Nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their Overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year'. The Scouser said 'You're bullsh*tting m

8 things girls should say to a guy:- 1. I'm bored, let's shave my pussy. 2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink? 3. That fart was great. Do another. 4. Of course I swallow. I love it. 5. No, that's o.k. You drink beer and watch porn. I'll do the washing up. 6. Just for a change put it in my arse. 7. How about you get that girl from work to join us? 8. Marriage? No way. Sadly, Carlsberg don't do girlfriends. But Thailand does.

Investment Advice If you had purchased £1000 of Northern Rock shares one year ago it would now be worth £4.95, with HBOS, earlier this week your £1000 would have been worth £16.50, £1000 invested in XL Leisure would now be worth less than £5, but if you bought £1000 worth of Tennents Lager one year ago, drank it all, then took the empty cans to an aluminium re-cycling plant, you would get £214. So based on the above statistics the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and re-cycle.

A mother and her young son were flying Virgin Airways from London to Melbourne. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'. The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy asked the flight attendant, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'. The flight attendant responded, 'Did your mother tell you to ask me?'. The boy admitte

DO NOT CHEAT AND LOOK AT ANSWERS!!! WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ (Passing requires only 4 correct answers) 1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) >From which animal do we get cat gut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

The automobile driving manual says the average driver's reaction time is: .75 seconds....... or 1 car length for every 10 mph...... Test your average reaction time.. Be very careful this can be addictive. Click on the link below and good luck. Reaction Test http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sle...on_version5.swf

A true story from Mount Isa in Queensland. Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub . Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switch

All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time to consider how their online name might appear! These are not made up. Check them out yourself! 1. 'Who Represents' is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is: www.whorepresents.com 2. 'Experts Exchange' is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at: www.expertsexchange.com 3. Looking for a great pen? Look no further than ' Pen Island '. It can be found at:

There’s a bloke sitting indoors watching the T.V. His other half has gone off to bingo and his son's watching T.V in his bedroom. All of a sudden his son appears in the hallway. The son said 'Dad, I have a question, What’s 'Love Juice?' The dad said 'How old are you?' The son said 'Twelve,' and so the Dad said 'Well you’ve got to find out sometime, so sit down. You're going to meet a lovely young lady along your travels and you’ll probably find yourself a little secret love nest. You’ll start to kiss and cuddle and find yourself getting sexually aroused.

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband stalking around with a fly swatter "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. ! Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man, standing alone. She approached him. 'My name is Carmen,' she told him. 'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name' 'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -- cars and men.' 'What's ur name' she asked. He said, 'B. J. Titsenbeer.'

WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE...I'M BROKE!! Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.' 'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!' and proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with

40 Gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates in their Transit vans and caravans. St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying. 'I've got 40 travellers here. Can I let them in?' God says 'We are over quota on Gypos. Go out and tell them to choose between them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will just let the dozen in.' Less than a minute later St Peter is on the blower to God again. 'They've gone', he tells God. 'What?' says God, 'All 40 of them?'................................. 'No, the gates'

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny. The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.' 'Have you really?' said the

The CO's morning brief The Commanding Officer of a well known Regiment was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, he decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was 'work' and how much of it was 'pleasure'? The CO's ADC chimed in with 75-25% in favour of work. A Captain said it was 50-50%. A young Lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favour of pleas

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation... The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and said, 'So why are you here?' The brown Lab replied, 'I'm a pisser. I piss on everything... the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed.' The black Lab said, 'So what is the vet going to do?' 'Gonna cut my nuts off,' came the reply from the chocolate Lab. 'They reckon it'll calm me down. The black Lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, 'Why are you here?' The

The benefits of Private Health...

The mathematics on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows: After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million. Assuming he got sex every night during their 5 year relationship (which would NOT have happened she's not Thai !) it ended up costing him $26,849 per time. This is Heather. On the other hand, Elliot Spitzer's call girl, Kristen, an absolute stunner with a body like no other, charges $4,000 an hour. For anything! This is Kristen Had Paul McCartney 'employed' Kristen for 5 years, he would've paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5

READ BELOW BEFORE LOOKING AT THE PICTURE After years of research, scientists have discovered that women do not like the standard mouse given away with PC's. Scientists found that there is not a physical reason for their aversion; It is more of a psychological problem. Some women reported that their mouse 'just didn't feel right' in their hands. Based on the research, a new mouse has been designed especially for women. Various field tests have been carried out on the new design: Julie from Mount Waverley said:- 'It feels so much better. More comfortable, more like how it's supposed t

A Couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively,then speak to them. Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops

A man is in bed with his Thai girlfriend. After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his penis, something she had lovingly done on many occassions. Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her, 'Why do you love doing that?' She replies: 'Because I really miss mine'.

Note to self: 'Cancel credit cards prior to death! Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless and so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is today! A lady died this past January, and ANZ bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and Then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0..00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to the ANZ Bank: Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you that she died in Januar