leemo

A man was sitting on a beach. Tragically, due to a recent car accident, he had lost both both his arms and legs. During the afternoon, as he remained on the beach, three women separately walked past him, each feeling sorry for this poor man. The first woman asked, "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on. The second woman asked, "Have you ever had a kiss?" The man said "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on. The third woman asked, "Have you ever been fucked?" The man said "No" She said: "You will be when the tide comes in."

Sorry for your tough situation. To echo what's already been suggested, whatever you end up paying for the stolen bike it should become yours, which means he has to legally transfer it to you together with all documentation. Should it later be found (yeah, sure), it should be repatriated to you as its new owner (yeah, sure). With this in mind, my guess is that if for whatever reason he does not transfer ownership to you, the bike will miraculously turn up soon after you move or leave, and if he does, the bike never sees light again except as spare parts. leemo

Have done spyware scans with RegMech (now 5.x), SpywareBlaster, SysMech and one other...all seems clean now, but freezures still occuring. How would I know if it's the motherboard, without schlepping the entire system over to TukCom? One thing for sure, can't do anything without that tense feeling of uncertainty...will it, won't it freeze. No fun at all. Hurry back, Gabor!! leemo

I have 32 processes running on bootup, am familiar with most of them but not sure about the others, esp the more recent appearances. I used to visit a site that explains which processes are critical and which may be removed/deleted, but lost the address. Did a SysMechanic spyware scan earlier, now running Spybot, so if it turns out to be spyware then hopefully we can go back to normal. Thanks. leemo

Yes, I think Windows 2050 has an IE-type addon to auto config all software for maximum efficiency. The EU are preparing a major anti-competitive suit. leemo

Computer is about 8 months old, running XP, was ok till about 3 months ago but can't remember if it started after I installed something, or just a gremlin entered the works. Cursor freezes, keyboard diasbled, cannot shift-alt-del or anything else, can only coldstart. It freezes at random, sometimes on a mouse move, sometimes on idle, and increasingly at various stages of bootup, from booting XP screen to desktop with icons. I do frequent housekeeping to include registry clean (RegMech 4.0, SysMechanic 6). Not sure if it does a memory check on bootup, but does confirm installed memory, if that's what you mean. Am with mini-tower, and don't know if it's important but I recall a while back that my DVD burner did not register as existing, though a moment with device manager sorted that out and it's been behaving since. The first time it froze was when I was playing CIV III. Can't say that prog is responsible because it used to be fine, but reinstalled it just to be safe. Sys also freezes when CIV III is not running. Have noticed it is running slow, compared to the nippy thing it used to be, and also that the desktop icons seem to be sparkling, if that's the word, or flickering rapidly...may be wrong refresh rate that's eating resources or causing memory strain. Monitor is Phillips 170S, screen refresh rate is set to 60 Hertz, and the only other available option is 75 Hertz, but that send the monitor haywire. Note, am not confident that the monitor software is optimally configured, but it was running fine until a couple of months ago when I noticed the flickering. Hope that's enough to indicate where the plobrem might be. leemo

My system goes into coma randomly, the cursor freezes, nothing works anymore, and the only way out is to switch off and reboot. This used to occur about monthly, then weekly, but has gradually increased in frequency to as short as minutes before mouse freezes and I lose whatever I was working on. Sometimes it freezes as early as the bootup process. AVG seems to be working ok, updating daily, Zone Alarm also seems to be doing its job, and System Mechanic does a regular sweep for parasites. Any ideas? leemo

It's brilliant, and it's free. Not easy keeping 60 million finickity individuals alive and well, but within reason they will patch you up or give you whatever else you need for a healthier and fuller life. I do not use the NHS but those I know who do, with minor to life-threatening conditions, have come out unscathed. Meanwhile, all counts suggest it is being grossly abused by an inestimable number of people from both abroad and within, but somehow it plods along with greater throughput, greater demands thrust upon it, higher standards and expectations from an increasingly demanding public, and yet by some miracle continues to improve, with next year's toys found in every A&E. Eligibility is an issue, and if or when our policymakers abandon political correctness in favour of common sense and raw economics, it will get even better. While there are any number of things that can and do go wrong, people left to die in corridors, not getting the treatment they need or want, communication and information errors causing avoidable distress, ambulances arriving at the scene in 18.3 minutes instead of the 17.6 of 4 years ago, and horror of horrors - that roach found in the Charring Cross Hospital kitchen, these excellent tidbits are sought after and blown up by the leftie media in their insane and unending quest for perfection. The NHS is a black hole. You could double or even triple the billions that are thrown into it, but every penny will be swallowed without so much as a burp, and things will still go wrong. leemo

Yes I know this has been covered many times but can't find any of the threads in tech section. I have recently tried uploading some JPEG and GIF files (<50k), but nothing appears in the post. after system seems to go through the motions. I'm sure there's a simple cure, and also that it's easy once you know what it is. leemo

Ignore - pic not uploaded.

Should've arrested the ladies too, for gross stupidity. leemo

Otoh, if you cash in your 50% profit (50c) and then lose 50%, now you're still ahead. leemo

Huh? - swinging that around gives you an identical result - a 50% gain on your $1 leaves you with $1.50...if you then lose 50% you still have the 75c in your example. leemo

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many PEI folks DID hear this on the 92-FM morning show in Charlottetown, PEI. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize. One particular game ,however, several months ago made the Charlottetown City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down: DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on 93-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?" Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have." DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please." Contestant: "Brian." DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?" Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married." DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please." Brian: "Sara." DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?" Brian: "She is gonna kill me." DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?" Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work." DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?" Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning." DJ: "Atta boy, Brian." Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..." DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?" Brian: "About 10 minutes." DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a dream trip wasn't at stake." Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice." DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning? Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..." DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?" Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for a couple of weeks..." DJ: "Uh huh..." Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time." DJ: "Atta boy, Brian, now please answer the question." Brian: "On the kitchen table." DJ: "Not that great?? Well, at least that's more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this." [ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ] DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?" (Touchtones.....ringing....) Clerk: "Kinkos." DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?" Clerk: "This is she." DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with 93-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now." Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?" DJ: "Well, a few minutes now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll be disqualified. Sooooooo...do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?" Sarah: "No." DJ: "Good!" Brian: (laughing) Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?" Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest." DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah, sure....now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on 5-star, on us. Sarah: (laughing) "Yes." DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex? Sarah?" Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work." DJ: "What time?" Sarah: "Around 8 this morning." DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?" Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe." DJ: "Hmmmm, that's close enough. I am sure shes trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?" Sarah: (laughing) "Yes." DJ: "Where did you have it?" Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?" Brian: "Just tell him, honey." DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?" Sarah: "Well..." DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it? (READY FOR THIS!?!?!?!) Sarah: "Up the arse....." After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station break."

Nowt to do with estate agents, but there was an incident at VT2A a couple of months back, which I almost got drawn into. Seems an English gent (well dressed, well spoken, pensioner in the process of retiring to LoS, somewhat naive) had agreed to purchase a condo from what turned out to be English street trash...you know the kind, personable, seemingly trustworthy car-dealer type, until the money changes hands. Price and terms agreed, before formal papers were drawn up and within an hour of the 300k goodwill deposit being handed over, the vendor mentioned that the 3% tax (>100k) was to be paid by the buyer. The buyer protested, quite naturally, that the sales tax is the responsibility of the vendor unless otherwise agreed, and that as it happens, he had clarified the tax issue during negotiations, which the vendor confirmed is the vendor's responsibility. At this point the scammer revealed his true nature, beginning with a stream of colourful expletives synchronised with a threatening posture, because the victim was incapable of remembering such important details as who was to pay the tax. He then casually pointed out that the receipt clearly states the buyer pays the tax, and that the deposit is non-refundable, so if the buyer was trying to pull a fast one he could get f*cked! The victim checked his receipt, which was written in clear English and included all the relevant details, and sure enough, there it was, printed neatly at the bottom but above the signatures, that the deposit was non-refundable, and the buyer pays the tax, in Thai. leemo