havefunme

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. W. C. Fields “I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.” W. C. Fields “I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.” Fields gave this rationale for not drinking water: Fish f*ck in it. found off of 4 sites all same to me besides it was a paraphrase not a quote

A good glass of wine To paraphrase W.C. Fields, "I don't drink water, because fish screw in it." To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine.... and those who don't...As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, In beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service!

Now that was funny I hope it doesn't give Villa any ideas

How was the internet or do they have internet in Citin loft ( in rooms ) ? I stayed at Citin loft in Hua Hin 2 weeks ago internet was very slow

Ladyboys are on the left arm

A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bath- room. >>She said yes. >>When he went to wipe his fanny there was no toilet paper so, he used >>his hand. >>When he got back to class, his teacher asked, "What do you have in >>your hand?" >>The boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get >>scared away." >>He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked >>him, "What do you have in your hand?" >> >>The little boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands >>he'll get scared away." >>The principal got mad and yelled, "Open your hands NOW!" >>He did and the little boy said, "Oh great , now look what you did, >>you scared the shit out of him!" HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

Very important information has just been made public that I think is something you should all be aware of: Gonorrhea Lectim. The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'im." The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum. Many victims contracted it in 2008 ..... but now most people after having been infected for the past 1-2 years are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is. It's sad because it is so easily cured with a new procedure just coming on the market called Vo-tem-out! You take the first dose/step in 2010 and the second dosage in 2012 and simply don't engage in such behavior again, otherwise it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it. Several states are already on top of this like Virginia and New Jersey , and apparently now Massachusetts with many more seeing the writing on the wall. Please pass this important message on to all those bright folk you really care about.

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes. 3. You have more wives than teeth. 4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean." 5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. 6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against. 7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing. 8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs. 9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four. 10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat. =

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. 'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks. 'Not really,' says the attorney.. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!' I keep telling you! Don't Mess with Old People!!

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started... ------------------------------------------------ I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary? ' It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!'she said. So I suggested,'How about the kitchen?' And that's when the fight started... ------------------------------------------------ My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' 'No,'she answered. I then said,'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' So I said,'Then I'd like to phone a friend.' And that's when the fight started... ------------------------------------------------ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please...' He said,'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And that's when the fight started... ------------------------------------------------ My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels. She asked,'What's on TV?' I said,'Dust.' And then the fight started... ------------------------------------------------ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said,'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.' I suggested a bathroom scale. And then the fight started... ------------------------------------------------ My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her,'Do you know him?' 'Yes,'she sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since .' 'My God!'I said, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... ------------------------------------------------ I rear-ended a car this morning... So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I looked down at him and said,'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started... ------------------------------------------------ When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.' The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Bottle of Merlot A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there,' and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants'. After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read: 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be: I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over one hundred million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back....

What no beer in other hand

Ed are you going to hire a LB for villa

in town 10th feb

Ed just want to see you miss you to much

THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE by Barack Obama ____________________________________________ OTHER BLACK PEOPLE I'VE MET WHILE YACHTING by Tiger Woods ______________________________________________ THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan. Illustrated by Michael Moore ________________________________________ MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton _______________________________________ THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton ________________________________ Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill Clinton ___________________________________ MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden ___________________________________ THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates ____________________________________ THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman _________________________________ THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE by Al Gore & John Kerry _____________________________________ AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC ___________________________________ A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J.. Kevorkian __________________________________ TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE ...... by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel _________________________________ GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson __________________________________ THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY _______________________________________ MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson _________________________________________ HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY by Ted Kennedy ______________________ MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by the Rev. Jesse Jackson ******************************************************* AND, JUST ADDED: Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy! By Nancy Pelosi

322.9 but i like it when it does a nose dive in the snow

Paul and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon - so they go back to Paul's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together. In the morning Johnny - Paul's little brother - gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school - he asks his mom if Paul and Mary are up yet. She replies - No. Johnny asks - Do you know what I think ? His mom replies - I don't want to hear what you think ! Just go to school. Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom - Are Paul and Mary up yet ? She replies - No.. Johnny says - Do you know what I think ? His mom replies - Never mind what you think ! Eat your lunch and go back to school .. After school - Johnny comes home and asks again - Are Paul and Mary up yet ? His mom says - No. He asks - Do you know what I think ? His mom replies - Ok - now tell me what you think He says - Last night Paul came to my room for the Vaseline and I think.. I gave him my airplane glue.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN Between 18 and 22 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful! Between 23 and 30 a woman is like Europe, well-developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35 a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40 a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50 a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60 a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business. Be tween 61 and 70 a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70 she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts.

IT MUST HAVE BEEN A VERY BRAVE MAN WHO WROTE THIS! IT'S AN EVEN BRAVER ONE WHO FORWARDS IT .... Son asked his mother the following question: 'Mum, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies, 'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.' The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father. 'Dad why are wedding dresses white?' The father looks at his son in surprise and says: 'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son, “The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.” The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, “The bigger they are, the dumber the man is.” Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play. Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother, “Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.

Last night, my sons and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them , 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.' They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my rum and coke. Children They’re such asses ...

I always thought villa's bathroom looked like this untitled.bmp