havefunme

To avoid it . . . Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies . Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C . Get plenty of exercise because it builds your immune system . Walk for at least an hour a day, Go for a swim, Take the stairs instead of the lift, etc . Wash your hands often . If you can't, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around . Get lots of fresh air . Open doors & windows whenever possible . Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can . Get plenty of rest . OR Take the doctor's approach . Think about it . . . When you go for a flu jab, what do they do first? They clean your arm with alcohol . . . Why? Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS . So . . . I walk to the pub . (exercise) I put lime in my vodka . . . (fruit) Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies) Drink outdoors on the patio . . (fresh air) Tell rude jokes and laugh . . . . (eliminate stress) Then I pass out . (rest) The way I see it . . . If you keep your alcohol levels up, Flu germs Can't get you! As my grandmother always said, 'A shot in the glass Is better than one in the ass!'

MAN KILLED ON GOLF COURSE A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet. Then she goes over and whiffs it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet, and finally hacks it another five feet. She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those f--king lessons I took over the winter didn't help." One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it, you should have taken golf lessons instead!" He never even had a chance to duck .

The Hormone Guide Women will understand this! Men should memorize it! Every woman knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be carried like a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other! DANGEROUS SAFER SAFEST ULTRA SAFE What's for dinner? Can I help you with dinner? Where would you like to go for dinner? Here, have some wine Are you wearing that? You sure look good in brown! WOW! Look at you! Here, have some wine What are you so worked up about? Could we be overreacting? Here's my paycheck. Here, have some wine Should you be eating that? You know, there are a lot of apples left. Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that? Here, have some wine What did you DO all day? I hope you didn't over-do it today. I've always loved you in that robe! Here, have some wine 13 Things PMS Stands For 1. Pass My Shotgun 2. Psychotic Mood Shift 3. Perpetual Munching Spree 4. Puffy Mid-Section 5. People Make me Sick 6. Provide Me Sweets 7. Pardon My Sobbing 8. Pimples May Surface 9. Pass My Sweatpants 10. Pissy Mood Syndrome 11. Plainly; Men Suck 12. Pack My Stuff and my favorite one: 13. Potential Murder Suspect Forward this information to all of your friends and those who might need a good laugh... and men who need a warning. And, have some wine.

A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore, I chose Carmen. "What's your name?" He answered, "B.J. Titsengolf."

A guy from Cleveland dies and is sent to Hell. He had been a horrible man his entire life. The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the temperature and the humidity. After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is baffled as the guy from Cleveland is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?" The guy from Cleveland , with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Cleveland . Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!" The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the remarks of the guy from Cleveland . Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing into his eyes, the guy from Cleveland is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks. Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions. The guy from Cleveland replies, "This is great! Just like April in Cleveland . It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!" The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make the guy from Cleveland suffer. He makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make the guy from Cleveland unhappy, the devil checks in on him. He is again shocked at what he sees. The guy from Cleveland is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee. "How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!?" screams the devil. Jumping up and down, the guy from Cleveland throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over! This means the BROWNS won the Super Bowl."

The couple were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St.. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.' The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.' The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.. 'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled the old man. 'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.' Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages. 'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man.. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.' The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. ‘Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked. That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!' The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?' 'Not unless you want to,' was the answer. 'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or....' 'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.' The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your f....ing bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!'

Stanislaus, a Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a div orce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of concrete. I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? No, we have carport, and not need one. I mean. What are your relations like? They nice, but all my relations are still in Poland. Is there any infidelity in your marriage? We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up? No, I always up before her. Is your wife a nagger? No, she white. Why do you want this divorce? She going to kill me. What makes you think that? I got proof. What kind of proof? She going to poison me. How do you know that? She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"

3 Old Ladies from Texas This is a detective story So Pay Close Attention!!! Three elderly ladies are excited about Seeing their First baseball game. They Smuggle a bottle of Into the ball park. The game is real exciting SPAN> And they are enjoying Themselves immensely... Mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks. Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go. ........ Based on the given information, What inning is it and how many players are on base? Think! Think some more!! You're gonna love it Answer: It's the bottom of the Fifth, and the Bags are loaded!

A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample." The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?" The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERPANTS"

A Husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies. 'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. 'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife. Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price..' On the PA system: 'Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down.

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it -- Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.

Three blondes were applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So ya'll want to be a cop, eh?" The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars, etc." So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds. "Now, he said, "Did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?" The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!" The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office. The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for 2 seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?" "Yes! He only has one ear!" The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face!" Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused, too!" The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office. The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying "All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?" The blonde said, "I did. This man wears contact lenses." The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?" The blonde rolled her eyes and said... "Duh! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!" "Course those gals were Texas blonds. . .

You Know You're From Arizona When... > >>>You notice your car overheating before you drive it. > >>> > >>>You no longer associate bridges or rivers with > >>>water. > >>> > >>>You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink. > >>> > >>>You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees > >>>without flinching. > >>> > >>>You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour...and > >>>it will be over 100 > >>>degrees. > >>> > >>>You discover, in July it only takes two fingers to > >>>drive your car, because > >>>your steering wheel is so hot. > >>> > >>>You can make sun tea instantly. > >>> > >>>You run your a/c in the middle of winter so you can > >>>use your fireplace. > >>> > >>>The best parking is determined by shade.....not > >>>distance. > >>> > >>>You realize that "Valley Fever" isn't a disco dance. > >>> > >>>Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the > >>>hot one. > >>> > >>>It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and > >>>yet all the streets are > >>>totally empty of both cars and people. > >>> > >>>You actually burn your hand opening the car door. > >>> > >>>No one would dream of putting vinyl inside a car. > >>> > >>>You see two trees fighting over a dog. > >>> > >>>You can say "Hohokam" and people don't think you're > >>>laughing funny > >>> > >>>You see more irrigation water on the street than > >>>there is in the Salt River > >>> > >>>You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves > >>> > >>>You can pronounce"Saguaro", "Tempe", "San Xavier", > >>>"Canyon de Chelly", > >>>Mogollon Rim", and "Cholla" > >>> > >>>You can understand the reason for a town named "Why" > >>> > >>>You can fry an egg on the hood of a car IN THE > >>>MORNING! > >>> > >>>You hear people say "but it's a DRY heat!" > >>> > >>>You buy salsa by the gallon. > >>> > >>>Your Christmas decorations include sand and l00 > >>>paper bags. > >>> > >>>You think a red light is merely a suggestion. > >>> > >>>All of your out-of-state friends start to visit > >>>after October but clear out > >>>come the end of April. > >>> > >>>You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is > >>>clever. > >>> > >>>Most of the restaurants in town have the first name > >>>"El" or "Los." > >>> > >>>You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a > >>>beautiful yard. > >>> > >>>Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile > >>>roof. > >>> > >>>Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in > >>>the summer. > >>> > >>>Most homes have more firearms than people. > >>> > >>>People who have black cars or black upholstery in > >>>their car are > >>>automatically assumed to be from out of-state or > >>>nuts. > >>> > >>>You know better than to get into a car with leather > >>>seats if you're wearing > >>>shorts. > >>> > >>>You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back > >>>for seconds. > >>> > >>>You actually get these jokes and pass them on to > >>>other friends from Arizona. > >>>

Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers... When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.' The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed... 'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favourite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend. LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS... ...IT'S LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said.... You'll love this... Yep. I know you will... "FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."

in new york city

THE POTATO > > Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato > >had eyes for each other, > >and finally they got married, > >and had a little sweet potato, > >which they called 'Yam.' > >Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. > >When it was time, > >they told her about the facts of life. > >They warned her about going out > > and getting half-baked, > > so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, > > and get a bad name for herself like > >'Hot Potato,' > >and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots. > > >Yam said not to worry, > >no Spud would get her into > >the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! > >But on the other hand > > she wouldn't stay home > >and become a Couch Potato either. > >She would get plenty of exercise > >so as not to be skinny > >like her Shoestring cousins. > >When she went off to Europe, > >Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam > >to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys >from France > > called the French Fries. > >And when she went out west, > >to watch out for the Indians >so she wouldn't get scalloped. > >Yam said she would stay on > > the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate >with those high class Yukon Golds, > >or the ones from the other side of the tracks > >who advertise their trade > >on all the trucks that say, > >'Frito Lay.' > >Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. > >(that's Potato University) > >so that when she graduated > >she'd really be in the Chips. > >But in spite of all they did for her, > > one-day Yam came home and announced > >she was going to marry >Tom Brokaw. > >Tom Brokaw! > >Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. > >They told Yam she couldn't > >possibly marry Tom Brokaw > >because he's just....... > >Are you ready for this? > >Are you sure? > >* >* >* >** >OK! Here it is! > >* >*** > > > >A COMMON TATER > >

My five-year old students are learning to read. Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, "Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!" I took a deep breath, then asked..."What did you call it?" "It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!" And so it does... " A f r i c a n Elephant " Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful? Now that's funny, I don't care who you are

Subject: Fwd: What to do if! FYI : What to do on a plane if the passenger next to you is irritating 1- Remove your lap top from its bag 2- Open the laptop slowly and carefully 3- Turn on 4- Ensure the passenger next to you is watching 5- Turn on the Internet 6- Close your eyes for a brief moment, open them again, turn your gaze upwards to the skies as if in prayer 7- Take a deep breath and open this site http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html 8-Observe the facial expression of your neighbouring passenger

If this does not give you a chuckle, you'd better call the undertaker. On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a Fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting For St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left. The couple sat and waited for an answer... For a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, What with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?" Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a Priest up here. Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?

Thara Patong Beach Resort 2588 bhts night hotel very nice good location GIK liked it

http://www.frontsteps.com/movies/i_never_copped_a_feel/

Which one A,B or C

but tomorrow never comes lol

http://www.pattayasweethearts.com/news.htmTiger Club reopened Tiger Club, the Coyote Club at the Tattoo Bar on Soi 7, reopend a few weeks ago. http://www.tigerpattaya.com/ site under construction