Old Salty

Nice photos and I believe it was a great party. Might join you for the next party Do you sell Singha Light in your bar, it's only 3.5% alcohol?

Subject: NO SEX SINCE 1955 ... A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?' 'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.' The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.' 'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.' The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.' The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?' '1955, ma'am.' 'Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.' The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, 'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'

Mike I think you can, but it will be very hard. I assume you are older than 50 and you want to come with an O-visa and turn that into a retirement visa, than you have to show immigration that you have a minimum of Baht 800.000.00 for at leats 3 month in a thai bank account, can you do that? You can find a studio for Baht 6000.00 a month or even cheaper, even in some areas of Jomtien, but it would not be with ocean view and the size maybe 30 to 40 M2. You also have to calculate 2 to 3 month rent as a security deposit and if you find a TG she will expect from you some financial assistance to support her family in the bush, which will cost you about Baht 5000.00 to 10000.00 a month. So after all your fixed expenses you are left with US$ 1000.00 or at the current exchange rate Baht 33.000.00. I have an american friend here who survives on that amount and I will ask him, if he allows me to give you his email and than you can get in contact with each other, which might be very helpful for you. So have a look at the board once in a while to get new information.

You'll love this one... The Four Cats Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.' T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.' Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.' Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass. Everyone agreed that was pretty good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?' The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'Coffee Break, do your stuff.' Coffee Break jumped to his feet....... ate the cookies........ drank the milk....... sh*t on the paper....... screwed the other three cats....... claimed he injured his back while doing so....... filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions....... put in for Workers Compensation...............and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave............ AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY I WANT TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!

MALEDICTION Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his 'wife', after he was caught having sex with the animal. The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders. They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi. 'We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together,' Mr Alifi said. Mr Alifi, of Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat. 'When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up.' Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case. 'They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife,' Mr Alifi told the newspaper.

An Alberta woodpecker and a Saskatchewan woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Alberta woodpecker said Alberta had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Saskatchewan woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Alberta woodpecker was amazed. The Saskatchewan woodpecker then challenged the Alberta woodpecker to peck a tree in Saskatchewan that was absolutely im-peckable (a term woodpeckers like to use). The Alberta woodpecker expressed confidence, said he could do it and accepted the challenge. So the two flew to Saskatchewan where the Alberta woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called impeckable tree with no problem. Both woodpeckers were terribly confused How is it that the Saskatchewan woodpecker was able to peck the Alberta tree and the Alberta woodpecker was able to peck the Saskatchewan tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own province???? After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Apparently your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

Subj: A Modern Parable A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (Ford) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River . Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing. Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing. Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents, and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners, and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes, and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the America n management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India . Sadly, The End. Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money paying American wages. TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US . The last quarter's results: TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses. Ford folks are still scratching their heads. IF THIS WEREN'T TRUE, IT MIGHT BE FUNNY