Bagwan

Can he take yours?

Five Thais get on a motor bike as routine. I even have a picture of guy riding a bike carrying a dead buffalo.

Remarks that have no currency with me coming from somebody from a country that doesn't know right from wrong. You'd know all about corruption and accepting it wouldn't you? Fiddling a Presidential election, corporate corruption on a big scale, giving out false intelligence so that you don't have to invade countries with oil without reasonable cause all on your own, Government lobbying scandals, bent Vice Pres. ect ect Great for an American to tell me not to pick battles in Asia. Ha ha. Forgotten about Vietnam already have we? You're not too popular in PI or Japan either. I live here, it's my home, and I'll fight to make it a better place. Some of us are made of sterner stuff. I won't live on my knees. Airport departure taxes are Government imposed - and legal! They are common all over the world. Somebody has to pay for double glazing and other measures to counteract all the forms of pollution that airports create. The alternative is to increases landing fees which means fares go up so you have to pay anyway. Whether the Thai Government use the money for these purposes is a different matter. I suspect not.

I agree that newbies who don't know the score shouldn't take the piss. However, I have lived here for a number of years, have a Thai family and, this is relevant, a 5 year driving licence. With one of these the BIB know you are in the picture and can cause trouble for them. Thailand doesn't want any more problems to cloud the picture in attracting tourists. Another mention in the UK Press at this time is to be avoided at all costs. I merely spoke to them in Thai and when they replied, also in Thai, muttered, " Mai khow jai". If that isn't taking the piss I don't know what is. I was steadfast in my refusal and told them in English I was happy to discuss the matter with their Colonel. Better to stand up and be counted than volunteer to be a slave. Same view the UK Government took in 1940/1 and the world is a better place becasue of it. In future will be taking my camera to record any further attempts at extortion. And for the BIB

On my way up country to see my in-laws I was stopped by BIB and asked to contribute 200 baht to their beer fund. I refused and after 5 minutes, most of which was spent me taking the piss, they allowed me to continue my journey. Do not in any circumstances give money to these scum unless you accept that you have indeed broken some law. In doing so you perpetuate the problem, by not doing so it will hopefully die out

Sorry, I do feel for you but your experience with Uzbeck had me in hysterics. Many years ago flew back with BA, then BOAC, from Jo'burg to LHR on a VC10 (remember them?), stopping at Entebbe. Because of apartheid non whites couldn't or wouldn't fly SAA so there were many dusky faces. After Entebbe the tinted persons who had just boarded (more than a touch of Arab there) sat on the cabin floor, fired up a primus stove and brewed tea until cabin staff intervened. Always flew SAA or KLM to and from Jo'burg after that. Flying from Atlanta to Savannah with Delta I asked for a G&T after take off. The frosty faced stewardess (both were older than I was and this one had varicose veins!) replied that the flight was only 25 minutes. Good. Time for two then I replied. Drink was dumped in front of me with bad grace so I asked for the lady's name so that I could include it on my complaint. She refused. When I got off the plane she muttered, "Fucking God awful Brits."

Today I took my lady's Nissan NV to the wonderfully conveniently sited Drivers Centre to pay the Road Tax and for the vehicle to be examined at the Test Centre opposite. (It's just had it's 7th birthday) The test consisted of a young lad taking the frame and engine ID, presumably checked against the info they already had, and me paying 150 baht. Period. No checking of all the ball joints, emissions, headlight focus, wheel alignment, brakes, lights, indicators, condition of load bearing components or floor pan. Back to the Centre, waited 2 minutes, paid 600 baht and collected the necessary. All in all took 20 minutes, nobody asked for a tip or complained about low pay. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Still shaking my head in wonderment. TIT

I am far from stupid but I am 'something'. Did you not notice the avatar? Did it not tell you that my reply was light hearted? I cannot recollect ever mentioning my boat before. Since it offends you, I won't mention it again, period.

Some time ago now but passport, two passport photographs, medical chit, clearance from Immigration, house book, UK driving licence. I think that was it. Was shown pics of double yellows and asked if I knew what they meant. Pointed out that we invented them. Had to take written multiple answer test, pass mark 25, have as many goes as you like. Had questions like can a monk have a driving licence, can you drive a tracked armoured vehicle on Thai roads! Who cares? More Thai lunacy. I got 24 and then 23 before I decided that I had better things to do. Early the following morning I turned up again full of resolve and told the nice young thing i/c testing that I would stay all day or until they ran out of paper. She said that it would not be necessary, I had passed and my licence was waiting to be collected. WTF? She then told me that she lived close by me, was 23, never married, and no kids. Wow! Jackpot. She then added that the people working in the office were not very well paid. I collected my 12 month licence and offered 1000 baht. The change when offered was 5 100 baht notes fanned out. I took four and Kop Khun'ed all and sundry. Following year just turned up with old licence and got a five year one in return. This is a big advantage when dealing with cops as they then know you are not a greenhorn and may well know all the rules. ( Some time ago BKK traffic cops were tested on motoring law. 45% failed! ) I will draw a veil over what transpired with the young lady official to protect the guilty but banging her in her uniform and medals was a big turn on.

Dream on bro. No free lunches in Thailand.

Using an ATM card issued by a local bank requires thought if you have miserly inclinations. You can draw cash anywhere but will be charged 20-23 baht per transaction if the machine is from another bank. Similarly if you bank in Pattaya and use an ATM belonging to that bank in say Rayong, your bank will charge you for getting YOUR money back. As a resident I use my UK credit cards for big bills here and get a very good conversion rate. Some try to inflict a 3% service charge but I always refuse to pay it stating that it is without the terms of their contract with Visa/Mastercard. All banking in Thailand is chaotic, inefficient and greatly overpriced. Talking to my bank manager the other day I lamented that foreign banks cannot operate here. He admitted that if they were, he would be out of a job within a month. Have a good holiday and be careful out there.

If they held a referendum I'm sure that the overwhelming majority would like us Brits to come back and run the country for them. The place has gone downhill since we left. The curse of Africa is tribalism, a non event if capable foreigners run the country. We're pretty tribal ourselves. I don't want someone in Viena telling me what to do. How about importing a few Mongolians to help us out? Ooops They're already there.

You bargain with the speed boat guy. He'll ask about 1500 but 1000 will get you a ride but this will vary acccording to numbers. They will pick you up for return at a designated time but you know what Thais are like about time. I own a speed boat and keep it at the boatyard under Royal Cliff. Some of the hire boats I have seen there are positively unsafe. Check for life jackets before starting out especially for ones kiddy size. Take your own food. Rip off stalls want 100 for chicken and rice and they pay commission to boat drivers.

If there is any it will be karaoke bars so earplugs are required. They won't be up to much and will be patronised by Thais who may be less than welcoming. Sattahip is about 15 minutes by road, well the way I drive it is. A few bars in Banchang but full of scrubbers and you might find getting it up a problem unless you put a bag over their heads. In the other direction is Ban Saray where a good few younger 'amateurs' are available.

When was the last time you were here? No traffic? Get real. Crossing 2nd Road or Beach Road is extremely hazardous - and 3rd Road, Pattaya Nua, Pattaya Klang, Pattaya Tai and Naklua Road are close behind. Ever tried crossing Sukhumvit? Air pollution on 2nd Road is at danger level. No pollution? Street cleaning doesn't keep pace, stench from the drains invasive, untreated effluent discharged into the sea, garbage trucks leave a trail behind them ect ect. The pavements are a disgrace, parking always a problem. Little or no money has been spent on improving and enhancing public utilities and yet the expansion goes on and on. Beaches? You like being constantly hassled by hawkers and peddlers? Seen the colour of the water? Pattaya is a better holiday venue than Bangkok only because BKK is so disgusting. Holiday makers may not notice too much but some of us living here in Fun Town are finding the place is becoming unbearable. Most of the ladies are looking distinctly ropey (and pricey) too. Several acquaintances have moved up country and I amongst others are planning to go the same route.