tom21

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird >> section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem. " >> The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take >> four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere, " says Gerry. >> The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for >> the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the >> top of the Connor Pass. >> At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, >> "Dis looks like a gra

>Subject: An Aussie Love Story > > >>An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of >>impending death, he suddenly smelt the aroma of his favourite Anzac >>bikkies wafting up the stairs. >> He gathered his remaining strength , and lifted himself from the >>bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom >>and , with even greater effort . gripping the railing with both hands >>, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath , he leaned against the >>door frame , gazing into the

Subject: Beer contains female hormones Beer contains female hormones Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 10 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects: 1) Argued over nothing. 2) Refus

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fau

Tickle Me Elmo: There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this f

Positive thought for the day When you feel that nobody loves you, Nobody cares for you, Everyone is ignoring you, You should really ask yourself...... Am I a wanker?

The dwarf with a lisp -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm. "I"d like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the owner "A female horth" the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth" says the dwarf, "can I thee her eyeth?" So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horse's eyes. "Nithe eyeth", says the dwarf, "can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth ... can I thee her eerth?" t

anouther change in visa rules

quote The first problem in paying a pension to her, was that she had no U.K National Insurance, for tax purposes. the pension is taxed, so she must be on the books for any benefits. I believe there was a problem with paying a lump sum, into a Thai bank account from the U.K too. The only Thai bank in U.K was a clearing bank. I have just started to get a pension from the uk. i have no national insurance number (never had one) and it was no problem. the uk charged tax but australia has a tax agreement with the uk so i will pay australian tax as the marrage was registered in the Uk sh

T he Cork Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his butt. If you do not mind me saying," said the second, "that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not take it out?" I regret I cannot", lamented the first Arab. "It is permanently stuck in my butt." "I do not understand," said the other. The first Arab says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in an American flag attire with

One Blondie Joke I don't mind sending..... Flagpole >>>Engineers Patrick and Seamus ( Dublin mechanical engineers) were >>>standing puzzled at the base of a flagpole, looking up. >>> >>>A pretty woman walked by and asked what they were doing. >> >>>"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Patrick >>>"but we don't have a ladder." >>> >>>The woman sighed, took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, >>>and >>>laid the pol

Two elderly residents, a man and a woman, were sitting alone In the lobby of their nursing home one evening. The old man Looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what You're wanting. For $5.00 I'll have sex with you right over There in that rocking chair." The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a word. The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that Nice soft sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to My room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic Evening you've ever had in your life." The old lady still says nothing, but afte

WHAT'S IN A NAME A man scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive woman standing alone. He approached her and asked her name. "My name is Carmen," she told him. "That's a beautiful name," he said. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most - cars and men." "What's your name?" she asked. "Beertits", he said.

i like it

A man boarded an aircraft at Adelaide and took his seat, as he settled in,he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was heading straight towards his seat and bingo! she took the seat right beside him. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled enchantingly and said "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States". He swallowed hard, here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to main

ct: FW: Pharmacology Subject: Fw: Pharmacology In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and >generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic >name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also >call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. > > The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. >After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it >recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of >Mycoxafloppin. Also consid

there are a lot of posts on the pro's and cons of buying a house or condo which i find very interesting. the only thing missing seems to be the on going costs. i like to know what these are and as an owner of a condo do you have any input into the running of the building.

"The Man " - Mundine Rumour There are rumours that Anthony Mundine's performance at his recent world title fight was drug assisted, Apparently "The Man "did not provide a urine sample after the fight. It has also been revealed that he has in fact never provided a urine sample during his entire sporting career ( NRL or BOXING ) A spokesman for Mundine has stated that the boxer is protected by Commonwealth and International law, which makes it illegal to take the piss out of Aboriginals.

This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in a while. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)! DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE : W

A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. >> >>He says to his mate "I'm stuffed mate, who will want a one legged gold >>digger?" >> >>His mate replies, "try Paul McCartney"

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What is the difference between a Harley and a Vacuum Cleaner? The vacuum has the dirt bag on the inside. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together? 100 people who don't do dick. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.

never know it may be true

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." "But, I always buy it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist. "Yes," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." S

that's a good one

this is a old one Paddy and Mick are walking home after a night on the beer.They've got no money to get a taxi, and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside a bus depot. Paddy has a brainwave and says to Mick, "get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home, and I'll stay out here and look out for the police." Mick duly breaks into the depot and is gone for twenty minutes, while Paddy is wondering what the hell he is doing. .. Eventually Paddy sticks his head around the door, and sees Mick running from bus to bus looking very worried. "What i