Nightmarch

[PattayaPete 530]

Lateral Thinking: The management of the Living Dolls gogo (Walking Street) have, sensibly in my view, introduced a happy hour on bar fines, reducing the usual 500 baht impost to just 300 baht for the last hour of operations (between 1:00 and 2:00AM). The new deal will be trialled until the end of June and is aimed at giving punters an incentive to pay now rather than try and organize an after-work tryst.

 

Shiny Boots and Not Much Else: There is a rumour suggesting the Champion gogo (Walking Street) may soon be closing its doors after the owner of the building hiked up the rent recently. True or not, Champion is still running one of the better happy hours in town between 7:30 and 9:00PM with draught amber at 35 baht and other liquid refreshments just 50 baht. After happy hour the draught nectar retails at just 45 baht all night. Liver wasters and the like rise to 95 baht.

The place has its moments of popularity and one of the key reasons is the number of dancing damsels who seem to delight in displaying all their charms apart from their feet, which remain firmly encased in thigh-high boots.

 

Older than Methuselah: Aussie Bruce recently sent me an e-mail suggesting the oldest boozer run by the same interests in Pattaya is the Honey (Walking Street) which, according to Bruce has been operated by a pair of sisters ‘since the mid 70s’. Considering the average lifespan of many boozers is not much greater than a Mayfly, to be in control of a successful ale shack for so long is an impressive achievement.

To recap on previous long-running boozers run by the same people, Café Ole in Soi 6 has been going since 1981, Scandi Bar on Second Road kicked off in 1986 and the Vicky beer boozer in Soi 8 swung into operation in 1987. Congratulations I think are deserved to all concerned.

 

Covering All the Bases: The biography of the late Father Ray Brennan, founder of the Pattaya Orphanage, In the Name of the Boss Upstairs by Jerry Hopkins, has been translated into Thai and is due to be released in June. The book is also to go audio with both Thai and English language productions. According to Tom Vincent, who is co-coordinating the projects, the English audio version began recording in mid-May while the Thai audio should be close to completion by the time you read this. All proceeds from the sale of these books and audios go to the Orphanage.

 

Where’s Your Buddy? Got chatting with an English guy in the What’s Up gogo (Soi 15, off Walking Street) recently and he related a story of being accosted by a couple of American MP’s who wanted to know why he was walking around without his ‘buddy’. It appears the MPs had mistaken him for one of their service personnel. Apparently, all US military personnel who come to Pattaya for a good night out must be paired up and remain together while out on the mean streets of Fun Town. I wonder what happens when one man feels a stirring in the trouser department while chatting with a damsel of easy virtue and is so overcome with desire he coughs up the moolah for the bar fine and they scoot off to find a hotel offering short-stay lying-in facilities. Does his ‘buddy’ accompany him and watch over his friend, perhaps offering sage advice at certain crucial moments while his friend and the damsel are entwined in a lover’s embrace? Kind of kinky these young Americans.

 

A Chance to Turn a Black Hole to a Shining Star: Work is currently under way to create yet another nighttime entertainment venue in the ‘black hole’ located in Soi Marina Plaza, the main link between Soi Lucky Star and Second Road. I’m told two of Pattaya’s better known ogling den operators are currently working on converting the currently vacant spacious building half-way down Marina Plaza into what they hope will be Fun Town’s next ‘must visit’ chrome pole palace. The place has been known as the Feigling Pub, My understanding is the premises should be open by the end of July.

 

Attitude: A friend of mine recently returned from a trip to the Philippines where he sang the praises of the Filipino working damsels, making interesting comparisons with their Thai counterparts. “They haven’t heard of short-time,” he claimed. He was also impressed by their general attitude.

 

This brings me to an issue that’s being raised with me more and more by long-term ex-pats. Many are bemoaning what they perceive as a paradigm shift in the attitude of the average Thai working damsel. The grapevine has extended across the ogling den spectrum and almost every dancer (be she young, old, tall, short, thin, fat, beautiful or ugly) now has a standard, practically non-negotiable, price. What amazes me are the numbers of damsels for whom Hans Christian Andersen may well have penned The Ugly Duckling yet seem to have no trouble being bar-fined on a regular basis.

 

Of course part of the reason is there are those who think because the girl is not a stunner she doesn’t get taken very much and will therefore be almost grateful. Of course, most of us know this is total rubbish.

 

There are women out there impersonating dancers and there are dens with chrome pole molesters who could easily pass muster as the ‘before’ photographs in an advertisement for cellulite.

 

As Pattaya becomes more and more prosperous and starts to look like a seaside version of Bangkok, it’s inevitable prices will rise. The north Asian tourists, foreigners working in Singapore and Hong Kong, people working on contract off-shore, are all helping to fuel the rise in the price of mattress dancing services. Up in the Big Chilli, the damsels of Nana Plaza and even Soi Cowboy are asking for 2, 3 and even 4,000 baht for their amorous favours. Sounds ridiculous I know. What’s even crazier is there are people who pay these inflated figures. Yet a walk down the sidewalks of Sukhumvit Road at certain times of the evening can see an assignation organised for the same impost as the bar fine in most ogling dens, and some of the damsels are a long way from having been beaten with the ugly stick.

 

A friend told me of an experience with a dancer in Peppermint recently. The girl was complaining, “Farang not like me; I don’t know why.” When my friend asked her what sort of remuneration she expected to receive for playing hide-the-salami she stated, “5,000 baht.” He was then able to explain the reason why she wasn’t exactly popular with foreigners.

 

Around and About: Happy hour in the Peppermint ogling den (Walking Street) has been gradually carved back over the last couple of years as the place has continued to hold its incredible popularity. The 45 baht all drinks happy hour now ceases at 9:00PM. Until a few weeks ago it was 15 minutes longer. Nonetheless, draught amber fluid remains at 45 baht all night.

 

The FLB lounge lizards libation room (Walking Street) has Heineken draught amber at 60 baht as is Thai rotgut. Most liver wasters run to 95 baht, but if punters want a double the price is not doubled. For example, a double vodka and tonic would set you back 170 baht, not 190 baht.

 

The Super Model ogling den (Soi Diamond) has maintained its early popularity with plenty of dancing damsels caressing the chrome poles and the happy hour between 8:00 and 9:30PM draws plenty of imbibers with libations at 49 baht. Lady drinks are industry standard 95 baht.

 

Kittens, the only surviving ogling den in Naklua, has undergone a change in the management structure and has been re-badged as the 1969 chrome pole palace. The outside has been given a facelift, the inside remains the same, but then it didn’t need any real work. The new regime, apparently well-known long-time operators of such dens of iniquity, is preparing to make some serious improvements, particularly in the area of the quality of the chrome pole huggers.

 

Tales from the Crib: A condo dweller in south Pattaya was telling me about an incident in which he came home one evening and, in the early hours of the morning, was suddenly shaken awake by loud music emanating from the unit next door. The music was of the German martial style, all trumpets and clashing cymbals; think Richard Wagner and Gotterdammerung (The Twilight of the Gods). Thinking there was a wild party in progress next door, my friend, a tall man, leaned over his balcony and was able to peer into his next door neighbour’s lounge room. Instead of a bacchanalian booze and dance fest he saw a lone man sitting in a lounge chair while a Thai lady knelt before him clearly practising the arcane art of oral stimulation. One wonders if the man was hoping to time his final release to coincide with the climax of the martial music pounding out of his stereo system.

 

Piece of Pith: ‘The world has always gone through periods of madness so as to advance a bit on the road to reason.’ Hermann Broch (1886–1951), Austrian novelist. The doctor, in The Spell.