Nightmarch

[PattayaPete 530]

Look Out for Those Spots: For those who may be interested in listening to a chat by one of the more fascinating foreigners living in Thailand, then Henry J. Beans on Sunday 25 June is the place to be. Mo Tejani, an Indian Muslim by ancestry, but a man of many world’s by life experience, has been invited by one of the two expats clubs operating in Fun Town, to chat about his first volume of memoirs, entitled A Chameleon’s Tale. Produced by Paiboon Publishing, the book is a terrific read, well written, nicely observed, and deserving of a place on any thinking person’s bookshelves. I understand the book has only just been released, but it should be available at all leading bookstores throughout the city at a recommended retail price of 495 baht, as well as via the internet at www.dcothai.com by the beginning of July.

 

Two in a Row: Sunday evening 25 June will see the Diamond ogling den (Soi Diamond) hold its second consecutive monthly in-house dance contest. In previous years the chrome pole palace held a contest every month, but this policy had fallen by the wayside in recent times, although I’m told the plan is to resurrect the monthly competitions for the rest of the year and possibly expand them to include a few other bars. The Diamond den has seen a massive change in chrome pole hugging staff in recent times and the 28 May contest saw 39 dancers competing, the majority of whom had never previously been involved in a contest of this nature. Sadly, it showed and the first round was, to put it mildly, pretty tame fare.

 

Once the field had been reduced to 15 contestants the pace quickened and the near-capacity crowd was more appreciative. Once again, the six damsels who were finalists all received prize money, the winner picking up 3,000 baht, the runner-up 2,000 baht and the other four girls slipping 1,000 baht into their purses. Another 4,000 baht was handed out in other prizes.

 

Something to Tilt At: It has taken a long time and a lot of trial and error, but it seems as if the Windmill ogling den (Soi Diamond) has finally managed to put together a strong winning formula. When it first opened its doors late in 2005 and for the few months after that the place was a complete waste of time, but in recent weeks it has hit its straps and is now drawing a decent crowd. The place is nicely appointed, although the actual layout wasn’t as well thought out as it should have been regarding maximising bums on seats. The problem is the horn-shaped cloth seating which is capable of taking a comfortable five or six customers, but with a dancing table stuck right in front it means if someone in the middle wants to get out, then the punters alongside him have to move as well. It also means if someone is perched at one end of the seat and someone else is at the other end, then the middle section is going to waste.

 

The quality of the dancing damsels has improved exponentially in recent times. They move from the centre stage to the tables spread about the den, each time giving punters an interesting perspective regarding their physical charms. When I went in there were around 20-plus chrome pole molesters cavorting about in skimpy apparel, but what makes the bar a winner is that most of the damsels are friendly and inter-act with the customers. The den is one of the early openers on Walking Street with happy hour running between and 7:00 and 9:00PM with draught amber at just 35 baht and house liver wasters at 50 baht. Lady drinks are 100 baht while draught amber is 50 baht all night after happy hour and house liver wasters a very reasonable 75 baht. Finally, an ogling den prepared to cater to those who like their hard liquor rather than the amber froth. Well worth a visit.

 

Should be Stripped of its Stripes: The Tiger Club table-thumping den (upstairs, Soi Diamond) proved to be a disappointment when I finally made it through its doors. The music was good, better than in many similar establishments and the décor fresh and clean and the seating comfortable. There were around 20 dancers, but most looked like typical farmer’s daughters, fresh from the paddy fields with their chunky legs. There were a few old veterans of many a high season campaign attempting to wring a few more 100 baht lady drinks out of unwary punters. In fairness, as I’ve mentioned before, as more and more dens open, the competition for the available pool of ogling den talent (and I use this word in its broadest possible sense) is intense. As many people have noted, there are females donning the g-string these days who would have been laughed out of any self-respecting establishment a decade ago. It will be interesting to see what happens during this low season, which is already looking to be a tougher one than recent years. How many of the current crop of dens will survive?

 

Music without Ferry: The old Club Electric Blue (Walking Street) has been undergoing yet another refurbishment and is set to open in July under the name Roxy. Big Andy told me, “We’re not a show bar, we’re show business.” My understanding is the place will not be a standard ogling den, nor a table dancing palace, or a late-night boogie barn, but a combination of all three…as well as a pizza parlour and visa extension centre. OK, I made those last two up, but with Big Andy, you never know.

 

Naughty and Naughtier: Another place that has struggled for a long time to make itself useful in the chrome pole palace stakes has been Naughty Girls (Soi Diamond), but after a complete makeover the place re-opened towards the end of May with a completely new look and feel. It’s a definite improvement. There are about 25 or more damsels of the chrome pole shuffle employed to empty wallets, some of whom could easily pass for the lead character in Nabakov’s Lolita. I’d like to kindly suggest to the management they ditch the brown dancing apparel. There are some attractive girls employed in the den but the cut and style of the bikini does nothing to enhance their figure. Lady drinks are 100 baht, with liver wasters a sensible 95 baht.

 

On the Lookout Again: After making a definitely positive impact on the overall balance sheet of the Babewatch ogling den (Covent Garden complex, Walking Street) in recent weeks, Rambling Ricky has once again found himself on the outer, being dropped from the meeting and greeting duties at the end of May. This seems a strange move considering the shape the place was in before he came aboard. He had attracted a bevy of quality chrome pole molesters, introduced some popular risqué shows, and handled the general operational duties with his usual aplomb. One joint’s loss is potentially another’s gain, so if you’re a bar owner and happen to be looking for someone who really does know his way around a boozer, then you couldn’t go far wrong with a guy like Ricky.

 

Tis the Season for Belt Tightening: This low season is looking to be one of the toughest in recent times if empiric evidence and street talk are anything to go by. Almost every bar owner is reporting a definite downturn in trade and it’s expats and regulars who are keeping many places in bread and butter. It’s pretty clear there’s not too much in the way of walking wallets in town when you can walk into a joint and recognise half or more of the faces propping up the bar-stools. Of course, the prime culprit being awarded the gold medal for this season’s malaise is some big football match taking place in the Land of Bratwurst. Whether it’s true or not, Fun Town can expect to be quiet for a few months to come.

 

Piece of Pith: ‘If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.’ –Johnny Carson