MONKEYWATCH - March 2007

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to the next leg of our voyage to the bottom of the barrel.

 

As a result of the unscheduled fireworks display in Bangkok over New Year, the United States Embassy have presented Pattaya police with a set of bomb blankets. The Chief of Police apparently thanked them but pointed out that, in Pattaya’s climate, the bombs were unlikely to get cold enough to need them.

 

Talking of bombs, there was another story in one of the newspapers about a fake bomb being planted near a Thai Petroleum storage depot at Laem Chabang. They later had to print a correction when it was discovered that the bomb was actually real but the storage depot was a fake.

 

Reports that a terrorist group had stolen a consignment of torpedoes from a naval base also caused a sharp decline in bookings at one Pattaya hotel.

 

 

The constructors of Pattaya’s new relief road say that that its completion has been delayed because of a telephone pole that stands slap bang in the middle of where the road is supposed to run, and that there’ll be a bit of a hold up while it’s removed. Bollocks. We’ve seen a baht bus driver remove one in two seconds flat.

 

Have you noticed that there’s been a lot of bother involving Scandinavians in Pattaya recently? And we always thought that they were supposed to be such nice peaceful fellows. I mean, those two blokes in Abba never punched anybody out, did they? Probably left it to the girls.

 

It’s been announced that this month’s Pattaya International Music Festival will have to be scaled down very slightly from previous years due to lack of cash in the city’s coffers. However, the council are determined that the show will go ahead and have provided us with this picture of the new arena being erected.

 

 

There was a story in Pattaya City News the other week with the headline “Jealous boyfriend consumes floor cleaner after he suspects his girlfriend is seeing another man”. Unfortunately, when it was shown to the police, they misunderstood and arrested the poor sod for cannibalism

 

In the best traditions of community spirit, Banglamung Vocational College have started sessions to introduce Thai youngsters to the basics of good driving. The eager pupils will of course be instructed to completely ignore everything they’ve been taught if they ever end up driving one of these.

 

 

On February 16, Pattaya City Hall announced that they were holding a meeting of their Rubbish Committee. As this description fitted just about all of their committees, further enquiries were made and it was found to be the one being chaired by a Khun Tawit. Sounds like the right man for the job to us. That’s his real name by the way – you just couldn’t make that up.

 

Well, it looks like the government’s wonderful plan to make all the bars install CCTV cameras (or tourist repellent, as they’re popularly known) is set to go ahead. If anybody’s interested, there’s a feller we know who can supply these at a very reasonable price. This includes free fitting and, for a small additional charge, a written guarantee that they won’t work.

 

Nice to see that more and more bars are holding free beer nights for board members. Ah, free beer. Some words just belong together, don’t they?

 

Finally, there was a touching tale about how two water buffalo calves had led rescue workers to their sick mother who was lying in a field after being bitten by a snake. A real sick buffalo? Now that’s a story.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[snowmaan 0]