Nightmarch

[PattayaPete]

Now Using the Gregorian Calendar: Of course, everyone spotted my deliberate mistake in the last issue regarding the dates for the greatest three-game set of rugby league matches played anywhere, namely the State of Origin series played between New South Wales (the Blues, aka, the good guys) and Queensland (maroons, aka, the white-shoe brigade). I think a Queenslander (who shall remain nameless but probably uses the pen-name Fool in Paradise) inserted a copy of the Julian calendar -no doubt still used in that backwoods swampland- in my notebook and so I mistakenly had the second game being played on 16 June when it should have been the 13th, and the third game earmarked for 7 July, when in fact it will be played on Wednesday 4 July.

 

Apparently, this falls at the same time as independence day celebrations for some inconsequential country in the Americas. As per usual, the Boxing Roo beer boozer (Third Road, opposite Soi Chaiyapoom) will be the place to be from about 5:00PM onwards to watch the third and final State of Origin match. Plenty of Scoby’s tasty pizza offerings (situated right next door) will be spread around free during the game. Prizes involving bottles of cough medicine disguised as rotgut, among other things, will be drawn for those unlucky enough to have kept their free tickets and then silly enough to put up their hands if their number is drawn. For those interested in the ‘call of the card’, see Uncle Kenny, a man Australia’s great bush poet Banjo Patterson could have been describing in ‘The Man from Ironbark’ when he wrote, ‘he laid the odds, and kept the tote, whatever that may be.’

 

Is the Ship Sinking or Just Listing? I have incontrovertible proof the current low season is presently the worst for at least a decade. Every time I wander within a 20-metre radius of any clutch of beer boozers, be they in Soi 2, 7, 8 or further afield I am called out to as a ‘handsome man’ a ‘sexy man’, and I am physically accosted by females I have no recollection of ever having seen before. Even in the ogling dens there are females willing to part with a smile or two and a few game enough to attempt the usual inane conversation-cum-interrogation.

 

Given I have the perfect face for radio and a wallet infested with moths, this almost rock-star level of interest in yours truly simply serves as the perfect proof that Fun Town is so quiet even the rats have started moving about in broad daylight. A wander down the mean streets sees a lot of bars with for sale signs hanging out front and plenty of places that have just pulled down the shutters. I was told a leading visa-run to the Cambodian border company recently had five successive days without a single customer.

 

The Chevin Gym in Soi Day-Night 3, one of the city’s longest-established, closed its doors in the second week of June. The Dawin beer boozer in Soi Chaiyapoom, one of the joints involved in the Sunday quiz league, has closed down, along with a few others in the soi. Along Second Road, Bentley’s pool lounge is up for sale.

 

So, is the Fun Town ship sinking or just listing? There are plenty of places continuing to do very well, some relying on their longevity and therefore a loyal and repeat customer base: for example, the Aussie-run Roo beer boozer/noshery/sleeping den on Walking Street; the Shamrock nosh and booze bar on Pattayaland Soi 2; the Eagle beer boozer on Soi 7 (which packs them in most nights because of its amazing happy hour) and the Atlantic beer boozer on Second Road near Soi 3, to name just a handful. There are quite a few new joints doing great business most nights: Club Insomnia head-bangers auditorium (Soi Marina Plaza; and perfectly named), the Papagayo bump-and-grind boozer (Soi Diana Inn), and Club Oasis ogling den (Soi Buakhow) as a few examples.

 

The basics of business are the same the world over and pretty much across all types of activity: give customers what they want and they’ll keep coming back for more. Given the imminent opening of yet another shopping complex (straddling Second Road to the colloquially-named Soi Rapist) and a giant mall of shops set to be constructed by the Central group in Soi 9 and due to open by 2009, it’s pretty clear the long-term plans of those who seek to control Pattaya is a move away from the open-air brothel feel of the city to that of an oversized beach-side shopping mall.

 

Near the Head of the Class: The long-running Classroom 2000 ogling den (Soi 2) has well and truly sharpened its act after undergoing an extension and almost complete refit in recent months. The installation of the almost de-rigueur Jacuzzi as well as the light-coloured padded stage featuring young damsels who leave nothing to the imagination in the physical charms stakes has turned the place into a worthy candidate for ‘best off-Walking Street’ den in Fun Town. There is a happy hour running from 8:00-10:00PM with draught amber fluid at 49 baht, but even standard imposts are not at gouge level with house liver wasters 95 baht and lady drinks 100 baht. The music is passable and the eye candy really puts many other ogling dens to shame. If the standard I saw on an average weekday evening is maintained I would go so far as to say Classroom 2000 is well worth making a detour to visit.

 

How Much is that Pussy in the Window? Right next door to Classroom 2000 is the Honey Pot shake-your-beaver room. This has had a great deal of positive publicity since it first opened and it’s not hard to see why. A wide-window frontage overlooking the beer boozers opposite gives punters sitting in the air-conditioned comfort of the joint a great view of the activity on the soi. The bevy of coyote dancers wiggling their butts and gyrating their torsos in the said windows are generally a pretty healthy example of Thai pulchritude and most are still hungry enough to make eye contact and eventually come over to perform the ritual ‘what-you-name-where-you-come-flom-buy-me-dlink?’ interrogation. A live band kicks into gear at about 9:30PM with pleasant background music and the place stays open until late, 3:00AM and beyond.

 

In both Classroom 2000 and the Honey Pot I noticed large TV screens showing male and female bodies moving about in silhouette. The only negative as far as I was concerned was the action of the serving wenches in both places in not proffering any change after paying the check bin. In both cases the change was measured in coins, and given the friendly nature of the service I would have happily left the money as a tip, but I don’t appreciate it when the serving wenches take it upon themselves to simply award the reward without at least having the courtesy to offer the change first. It’s a minor gripe, and one that can be laid at the silver trays of quite a number of places around town these days. I think it’s the psychological ploy (whether done consciously or sub-consciously) of relying on customers not to make a fuss over such small amounts; this works in the short term, but can easily backfire in the long run.

 

Around and About: The clutch of beer boozers making up the Green House complex (Second Road, near the Central Pattaya Road intersection) have been closed down by the authorities for not having the requisite licenses. The Silver Star 2 ogling den (Soi 7) is open for business. Located on the site of the former long-established Fawlty Towers noshery and boozer, the den is operated by the same people who have the original Silver Star in Soi 8. I guess that comes as a real shock to readers. The Blind Beggar in-for-a-short-poke boozer (Soi Wat Boon, Jomtien) closed its doors some time back but word in the gutters suggested it would soon be up and running again with a new management closely connected to one of the many visa shops of Fun Town. Recent problems regarding the said visa place may well put the re-opening on hold for a while. The Lennies beer boozer and part-time noshery and internet access shop (Soi Diamond) has had a facelift, an infusion of new business partners and a name change to Shooters. (I seem to recall a place with the same name being open briefly on the site of the Beach Club table-dancing den in Soi 15). Anyway, Lennies officially came to an end on Friday 22 June and Shooters will be having their official opening party on 4 July, the same date as that independence day for the mob the Brits like to call ‘the Cousins’. It will feature an American-style barbeque, provided by Bob’s BBQ & Ribs noshery (South Pattaya Road). According to information sent to me by the new management, Shooters will play ‘good old classic rock, blues and country…at a sensible volume…’ There will be a private entertainment room at the back where a customer can watch TV, or play ‘find the ping pong ball’ with one or more of the damsels employed for such activities. They also have a website: www.shooterspattaya.com

 

Piece of Pith: Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

[aussiechic]

"the last issue regarding the dates for the greatest three-game set of rugby league matches played anywhere, namely the State of Origin series played between New South Wales (the Blues, aka, the good guys) and Queensland (maroons, aka, the white-shoe brigade)."

 

The bloody Cockaroches won the last game, a bit of biffo in this one. It doesn't matter the Cane toads won the first 2 taking the series.

[Swami]

FYI, www.shooterspattaya.com is just showing an empty index right now.

[Jboy]

still just an index...sounds interesting to say the least....