If you are over forty

[pattayamad 0]

Sorry this has been posted before

 

 

 

 

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.

It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and instead

have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing

the Oprah diet.

 

2. If you have a cat, you are a raging homo. A cat is like a dog,

but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a

delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.

And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said

get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a

cat...."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be

framed, you're so gay.

 

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.

 

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a

parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is

his bathroom; he defecates and urinates wherever he pleases.

 

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will

never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy

Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

 

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four

different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as

well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory

space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out

chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can

name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are

faggadocious.

 

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying

to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk

at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he

needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold

his beer.

 

8 . If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list

because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely

on the verge on being a fudgenudger.

Edited October 10, 2007 by pattayamad

[cannonball83204 78]

That's great, did you make that up yourself?

[Sailfast 503]

9. If you have a thilly little email list that you use to send thilly little forwards to all your gay oops...guy friends then you are most definately a sperm guzzler.