VPI78

Paddy and Mick were having a few beers at the bar together recounting old times when the call of nature caused them to line up at the stainless steel, still deep in conversation. But Paddy could hardly ignore the fact that Mick was very well endowed. “I say, ‘tis a remarkable dong you have there,” Paddy was prompted to remark. Replied Mick. “Medical science can do wonders with transplants these days,” he said. “I got this done in Dublin. It costs me twenty thousand euros, but as you can see, well worth it.” Paddy was envious. In fact, he packed his bag that night and drove to Dublin. It was a good six months later before he ran into Mick once again and he could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken his advice and was well pleased with the result. “You were diddled. I got mine for ten thousand euros only” said Paddy. Mick could hardly believe it. Same address in Dublin, same doctor. Thinking that he had been ripped off, he asked Paddy if he could have a look. Once more they lined up at the stainless steel and when Mick took a peek, the worried frown which had creased his face disappeared and he started laughing. “Why are you laughing?” “No wonder you got it at half price,” Mick laughed. “That’s my old one!

Old man Murphy and old man Sean were contemplating life when Murphy asked, “If you had to get one or the other would you rather get Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s? ”Sure, I rather have Parkinson’s”, replied Sean “’Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!”

Bottled water in Thailand comes from a combination of sources; tap, well, underground, and springs. Most of Thailand's spring water comes from the north, and in the central regions only 3 or 4 companies are licensed to pump water from underground sources to make bottled water. In the Pattaya area bottled water unless sold/distributed from the above northern sources, tends to be from well and tap water which will not dry up as much as become more costly to produce as the water has a higher mineral and salts/calcium carbonates content in drought conditions and becomes more expensive to filter. But about the only effects on consumers will be pricing will go up nominally; likely not enough to notice, e.g., a 12-pack of 600 Ml bottles at Makro might go from 45 to 49 baht.

An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. As he’s drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says, “Hey, what’s that little green thing down there?” The green man runs down the bar gives the Englishman a raspberry, “SPLBLBLBLT!,” right in the face and runs back to the Irishman. The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, “Hey, what is that thing, anyway?” The Irishman replies, “Have some respect. He’s a leprechaun.” “Oh, all right.” the Englishman says sullenly. They all go back to drinking beer. An hour or so later, the Englishman is really plastered. “Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard!” he says. The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again, “SPLBLBLBLBT!” This time the Englishman is really mad! “Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again I’ll Chop his willie right off, I will!” he shouts. “You can’t do that,” says the Irishman. “Leprechauns don’t have willies.” “How do they pee, then?” asks the Englishman. “They don’t,” says the Irishman. “They go SPLBLBLBLBT.

A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bird is wearing a baseball cap. The bartender says, “Hey, that’s neat. Where did you get that?” The parrot says, “France—they’ve got millions of them there.”

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses’ wife instead: “I’m afraid he died last week.” she explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. “I told you” the wife replies, “he died last week.” The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts: “I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?” * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * “Coz…” He replied laughing, “I just love hearing it…..”