TAE A FERT

[sinbinjack 243]

TAE A FERT

 

This poem is appropriate for reading to an audience shortly after they have eaten the haggis - you will need an audience with a sense of humour!

 

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie

Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie

Just as ye sit doon among yer kin

There sterts to stir an enormous wind.

 

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas

Stert workin like a gentle breeze

But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face

Will have ye blawin’ all ower the place.

 

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae

A’bodys gonnae have tae pay

Even if ye try to stifle,

It’s like a bullet oot a rifle.

 

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair

Tae try and stop the leakin air

Shift yersel frae cheek tae cheek

Prae tae God it doesnae reek.

 

But aw yer efforts go assunder

Oot it comes like a clap a thunder

Ricochets aroon the room

Michty me, a sonic boom!

 

God almighty it fairly reeks;

Hope I huvnae shit ma breeks

Tae the bog I better scurry

Aw whit the hell, its no ma worry.

 

A’body roon aboot me chokin,

Wan or two are nearly bokin

I’ll feel better for a while

Cannae help but raise a smile.

 

Wis him! I shout with accusin glower,

Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower

Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare

I dinnae feel welcome any mair.

 

Where ere ye go let yer wind gan free

Sounds like just the job fur me

Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty

Ower the sake o won wee ferty.

Edited January 26, 2008 by sinbinjack