Nightmarch-The slings and arrows of misplaced fortune

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The Slings and Arrows of Misplaced Fortune:Recently a regular reader of this newspaper sent a well-written email to another columnist and included a criticism of this page, which he requested be somehow passed on.

 

The criticism concerned what he believed to be a consistent promotion of the Diamond ogling den (Soi Diamond), suggesting I was more closely connected with this establishment than I cared to admit. I have had similar critics over the eight years of this column, suggesting my involvement with such diverse joints as Winchester, Dollhouse, Club Electric Blue, Spicy Girls, and even TQ2 and the Asylum was more than simply journalistic.

What the owners or managers of all the above-mentioned places have -or had with three of them- in common is/was an ability to get off their backsides and send emails at appropriate times informing me of upcoming dance contests, birthdays, anniversaries, or other activities in their bars. This translates, naturally, into column space in this newspaper. I’ve said it many times before: no one is barred from sending me information about events. Unfortunately, far too many bar operators leave it until past the editorial deadline to impart information. I can remember just one column I penned that contained nothing but information about upcoming parties and events, all the information provided well ahead of time by a variety of bar owners.

Currently, places such as New Living Dolls 1, Club Boesche, Secrets, Casino Club, Lam Morrison Rock Club, Baby Dolls, Windmill, and the aforementioned Diamond, are among the few who seem well-enough prepared to send relevant information at appropriate times.

So let’s get the facts straight. For the record, out of my last 23 columns -stretching back to July 2007- Diamond has received just six specific entries, five of them relating to dance contests. The number of words used is 806, which equates to 0.02 per cent of my total word output in that time. Hardly gilding the Lilly. At no time in this period have I recommended Diamond as a place to visit outside of a dance contest or special event.

Where the criticism is somewhat justified is in the regular use of photographs from Diamond dance contests, anniversaries, and the like. I stand guilty as charged. Unfortunately, in recent months I have not had access to a wider variety of photographs from other places for a number of reasons. Due to this lack of photographic variety I can either forgo providing a picture or, as I have done, go back through the most recent collection and dig out what looks to be the best of those so far unused.

In summary: I do not have, and never have had, any financial share or any other interest in any currently operating bar of any description in Pattaya, be it overt or covert. I am not paid money or in barter by any owner of a bar to publicise or promote any premises, nor would I accept such. I am employed to write for this newspaper, and can assure readers the proprietors do not ask me to concentrate or favour any particular place. In fact, they are constantly fielding complaints from disgruntled bar owners and sundry others who feel slighted or affronted in some way. After 23 years in journalism most of it is water off a shagger’s back.

Not so Secret Afternoon Delight: My spies tell me the afternoon coyote dance brigade number about 20 operating in the Secrets lounge-lizard libation room (Soi 14, off Walking Street) and a couple of jaded types suggested there were quite a few who were well worth more than a second look.

Still Got the Blues: The long-established Blues Factory live-music venue (Soi Lucky Star, off Walking Street) offers a happy hour from 7:00 until 10:00PM with draught amber fluid at 50 baht and most other libations 100 baht. That said, the main reason for going to the place is to see the house band, which comes on stage at around 10:00PM. Lead guitarist ‘Snowman’ keeps the sound tight and humming along in what really is a worthwhile live show. Libations are not unreasonable for a live music place with house liver wasters at 140 baht and ly water 95 baht.

From the Sublime to the Ridiculous: When a relatively small den of the chrome pole manages to have 30-plus dancing damsels and possibly half a dozen of these are what one might term ‘tasty’ then you know it’s worthy of more than a single libation. Such a place is Naughty Girls (Soi Diamond), where my only real complaint concerns a pricing policy where house liver wasters are definitely overpriced at 130 baht, ly water 95 baht and draught amber is the preferred promotion at 55 baht all night long. The music went from the standard car alarm noise before seguing into material by Stevie Wonder and Sade. Now that’s what I would call eclectic. While Naughty Girls might not be the best den in town it’s certainly one where a lot of the dancing damsels are easy on the eye and do interact with customers in what is quite a friendly atmosphere.

A Group Style: There are three dens of the chrome pole in Fun Town going by the name of Silver Star. The original is in Soi 8 and opened in March 2003. The second one opened on Walking Street in 2006 and is virtually a copy, as far as the internal design is concerned, of the highly successful Club Boesche ogling den (Soi 16). A third Silver Star is in Soi 7 and it opened last year. Don’t ask me why, but the one in Soi 7 has been given the tag of Silver Star II while the Walking Street setup is now relegated to being Silver Star III.

The American service personnel here for the annual Cobra Gold exercises certainly were in force in Silver Star III (that’s the one on Walking Street) a couple of weeks back. Contrary to the belief they have little or no money to spend, there were two of them who twice walked upstairs and across the see-through glass ceiling above the dance stage and dropped a number of 20-baht bills into the throng of dancing damsels. Needless to say the ladies, in various stages of undress, scratched about like harridans at the January supermarket sales as they attempted to snatch the notes before someone else could palm them. Not a single note made it to the floor.

Obviously, these sorts of antics gave Silver Star an added ambience, as did the fact the place had around 40 dancers and the Jacuzzi was always busy with ladies taking it in turns to give each other more than just a cat-lick.

Draught amber and ly water are 95 baht with house liver wasters silly at 130 baht. Note: when I mention the price of libations I am aware many tourists and regulars couldn’t care less what they spend on a thirst quencher while on holiday. Nonetheless, there are rumoured to be 20,000 foreigners living in and around Fun Town and many of these are on a budget and like to know what they can expect to shell out in any particular den. Often the way a den prices its libations tells you about their overall attitude towards their customers, and the type of drinker they are hoping to attract. If one den of the chrome pole had a mortgage on employing the most attractive of the available dancers then it could charge what it liked for drinks because it would be full every night, all night. About the only similarity between a chrome pole Utopia like that and modern-day Pattaya is both words end in ‘a’.

Around and About: It’s been suggested the Rock Girls ogling den (Soi 15, off Walking Street) will soon be closing. Can’t say it will be missed as it was lucky if there were ever more than about four girls dancing in the claustrophobic joint.

In the same soi the popular Baby Dolls shows-r-us den has changed hands after some lengthy negotiations. Rambling Ricky, as well-known in the fleshpots of Bangkok as he is here in Pattaya, has been resurrected after his less-than-satisfying stint in Sisterz and took over the reins and the rubber appliances at Baby Dolls on 28 May. My understanding is there will be little change to the current pervert-friendly format.

A new boozer for the gender-confused has opened at the bottom end (no pun intended) in Soi BJ. I’m led to believe this cul-de-sac(k) is being targeted as the Fun Town version of Patong’s Soi Katoey. There’s no truth in the suggestion that if a few more lady-boy bars open down there the name will be changed from Soi BJ to Soi Knackers Yard.

The Sunday Quiz League, which has been going since Adam was a boy, will cease to be as of Sunday 20 July. In its stead will emerge a Monday Quiz League with the first matches to be played on 28 July. The reason for the demise of the Sunday league is because of Formula One Grand Prix racing and the English obsession with the round-ball game, with many matches taking place on a Sunday evening, thereby leading to a drop-off in interest from many players and bars.

The English-language Pattaya City News program on Sophon Cable TV went off air in May after a fallout between the Thai and English partners. The latter has now established a new daily news service entitled Pattaya One News which should have gone to air for the first time on Monday 9 June.

Questionable Piece of Pith: Q: Someone told me menopause is mentioned in the Bible. If true, where can it be found? A: Yes. Matthew 142: ‘And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt.’

 

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