Nightmarch

[MM 6,562]

Small Money for You: It’s been happening in ogling dens and some of the more popular beer boozers for years, but now it seems as though waiting staff in certain nosheries are following the boozing lead when it comes to simply pocketing customers change if they think they can get away with it.

 

A couple of examples may suffice. The long-established Blue Parrot Mexican-means-farts noshery (Pattayaland Soi 2) serves pretty good stomach -fillers and some of the staff look to have been on the payroll since Pancho Villa was giving General Pershing the runs. On a recent visit my change came to 20 baht, but wasn’t proffered. When I had the temerity to ask for it, the note had to be retrieved from the tip box, much to the chagrin of the cashier. Not long before this, I went with two other people to the Seaside noshery (in the small lane between Soi 7 and Central Road). A good meal was had by all and after paying the bills one friend was due 10 baht in change and the other 15 baht. Neither amount appeared. Would the amounts mentioned above be left in tips? More than likely. So, the serving personnel would probably argue they don’t see a reason in offering the change if you’re going to give it anyway. That misses the point: it’s our money to give; not theirs to simply take.

[Night-March]

NOT BABIES, NOT DOLLS: The Baby Dolls ogling den (Soi 15, off Walking Street) changed ownership recently, but the new management have wisely retained the same format and style that made this a regular stop-off for most Fun Town flesh fanciers. This trio m

Time for a New Scam: What the downturn in overall beer-swilling numbers means to the average serving wench in a boozer or noshery is a noticeable loss of income from tips. This may well have led to the rise of the following method of monetary extraction by way of false pretences.

A local expat and regular bar hound believes there is a new scam whose methodology has been rapidly disseminated among the bar staff of boozers throughout Fun Town by the Steering Committee of the Chrome Pole Molesters Collective and Associated Fellow Travellers Union of Sweet Mouths and Wallet Emptiers.

The scam is fairly simple and runs a little like the old shell game. As in every bar across the city a punter orders a drink, receives said beverage, and a bill is produced. On this bill the amount of the thirst-quencher will be far higher than it should. The punter may order a couple more libations, and, of course, a couple more bills are produced (at the higher price). When it comes time to pay, if the punter coughs up the amount on the bill, or bills, without question, the bar staff have had a result. If, instead, the punter checks the bill and queries the amount, or number of libations for which he is being charged, the serving wench or the cashier will apologise profusely and claim they’ve given out the wrong bill to the wrong person and, in fact, the said bill belongs to another customer. The bill is immediately rectified, the punter thinks an honest mistake has been made, and equilibrium is restored. Sound perfectly reasonable except if the precise same ‘mistake’ occurs five times in three days in five different boozers spread across Fun Town. This is what the expat claimed happened to him and, given some of the recent experiences of my own and other people I know, I have no doubt it’s going on all over the place. Padding bills is especially prevalent, for some reason, in beer boozers rather than ogling dens. Over the years I have rarely been told of customers complaining about padded bills in dens of the chrome pole, yet the same cannot be said of beer boozers. Part of the reason, of course, is beer boozers outnumber ogling dens on a ratio of about 10:1.

One of the key induce-ments for people to come and work in a specific joint is the reputation it may have for the amount to be earned by way of the tip box. While the salary may be good it seems as though a lot of employees place a greater emphasis on their choice of place of employment on, first, how many friends are currently employed and, second, what amounts are usual in tips. Salary is only third on the list. So, given the downturn in business, new ways of padding the pockets (and robbing the customers and the owners of the boozers) have to be dreamt up.

No Money for Light Bulbs: The iconic Walking Street sign has been gone for more than six months now and there is little indication of the much-touted super-duper replacement being finished before high season…in 2010. The multi-million baht ‘Pattaya city’ sign that overlooks the bay near the Bali-Hai port might look alright during the day, but at night it has been reduced to ‘attaya’. The light bulbs have all gone out on the ‘P’ and the ‘city’. I’m not suggesting the new mayor be bothered rushing down to Carrefour for a brace of 30-watt bulbs; I’d much rather the administration spent whatever moolah they have fixing a few potholes instead.

Better Than A First Look Might Suggest: The Nui’s 2 den of the chrome pole (Walking Street) is one of the smaller examples of the art but it has certainly picked up in appeal as far as its overall quality of dancing damsels is concerned in recent times. This may have something to do with the closure of its sister operation Fun Room (Soi 15) and the rumoured imminent demise of another in the stable: Rock Girls. Whatever the reasons, Nui’s 2 is worth a visit with around 15-20 generally friendly chrome pole molesters and a happy hour until 10:00PM with draught amber fluid, house liver wasters, ly water, and Thai rotgut all at just 50 baht.

Different Show, Same as the First: The World Wide ogling den (Soi 7) is one of the largest joints of its type in terms of floor space in Fun Town and has been doing a solid if not sensational trade for years. As with almost every other house of the chrome pole it offers a happy hour, although the pricing structure is not especially well-thought out with draught amber at 50 baht, bottled amber at 60 baht, and ly water for 65 baht. Although there are plenty of dancers it lacks any real ambience these days with not much to see in the way of uncovered flesh, compared with many other dens. It persists in a routine of the same boring and repetitive shows involving bits of coloured string appearing from within the confines of the baby-making factory, flowers appearing from a similar part of the anatomy, and all performed by the same two or three bored-looking exponents of the show art. These shows, most of which have long been ditched by the more progressive dens, seem to take place once every five minutes, adding to the boredom.

Still a Slice of Heaven: The Heaven Above ogling den (Soi Diamond) continues to retain an air of consistency that to my mind keeps it among the better joints around. Relatively small in terms of space, it always has a brace of dancing damsels. While the vast majority are long-term practitioners of the art of wallet emptying, it’s a place that suits the punter who understands the ‘great game’ and plays by the rules, most of which are for the short term. I still think most of the music is drawn out of an aural trash can, but the chrome pole gyrators seem to appreciate it. The free style of dancing apparel, rather than a uniform approach, makes for an intriguing mix of colours and fashions, which I think adds to the overall appeal. One of the senior serving damsels showed me her collection of ping-pong balls, complete with a multitude of ‘sweet-mouth’ phrases and suggestive activities, most containing the word ‘cum’, written in marker pen on the outside. Now there’s someone with too much time on her hands.

Ambience by the Water: Since it opened around April, the Pattaya Beer Garden, located down the side of the long-established Siren beer boozer complex -just before the entrance to Walking Street- is apparently doing good business. In the early part of the night it’s quiet with most punters filling their stomachs with items from the basic but fairly decent menu. Others are propping up the bar, watching the wide variety of music videos being shown on a number of screens scattered around the area. Libations are reasonably priced, but the only potential mattress companions are the odd freelancer who wanders into the area in search of a victim. The management have a sign, in English, stating freelancers are welcome. It’s a perfect place to take a damsel from a boozer, providing a terrific view over Pattaya Bay. The serving staff is friendly and efficient, and they bring your change back, no matter if it’s a piddling five baht or 500 baht.

Out of the Rumour Mill: If there is one business almost guaranteed to kick-start the Fun Town property and tourism market back into life, albeit with a heavily predominant north Asian customer base, it would be the opening of a casino. There is a strong rumour suggesting the mob operating the opulent Venetian casino in Macau may have the inside running for a shot at putting together a similar venue here in Pattaya within the next two years. Personally, I think the rumour is wrong, but only in terms of the time frame. My bet is it will be at least another half a decade before we see the roulette wheels and blackjack tables become a legal reality in the maelstrom of Fun Town and its precincts.

Piece of (Aging) Pith: Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband? A: Tell him you’re pregnant.

 

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